SOCCERROO FOX Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 We all have one might as well get them off our chest. This happened tonite was at the gym getting changed no one else around and felt fit as a fiddle then bang out of no where massive gut pain and i shit myself, had no control over it and there was no warning. It was embarrising but hey shit happens (bad pun i know) Was on a game called the amazing booze race, 18 pubs in 18 suburbs a pint at each pub you and your partner. Only public transport allowed between each pub 5th pub got off the bus and hurdled the fence and ripped my jeans right were my bollocks are had to complete the race with virtually my balls hanging out. Got that drunk that i barely cared in the end. Oh and i spelt the title to the thread wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houdini Logic Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 We all have one might as well get them off our chest. This happened tonite was at the gym getting changed no one else around and felt fit as a fiddle then bang out of no where massive gut pain and i shit myself, had no control over it and there was no warning. It was embarrising but hey shit happens (bad pun i know) Was on a game called the amazing booze race, 18 pubs in 18 suburbs a pint at each pub you and your partner. Only public transport allowed between each pub 5th pub got off the bus and hurdled the fence and ripped my jeans right were my bollocks are had to complete the race with virtually my balls hanging out. Got that drunk that i barely cared in the end. Oh and i spelt the title to the thread wrong I once pulled a girl in Sheffield and went back to her halls. After realising she didn't have her key we took a detour to her friends halls and they chucked her key out the window, only to get it stuck on a ledge. I, being the drunken hero, took off my trainer and started throwing it to try and knock the key off and it got lodged up there with the key. I then took off my second trainer to try and rescue the first and obviously the inevitable happened. I woke up in the morning feeling like death and had to walk a mile into the city centre bare foot (my stripey socks were a give away to everyone i passed so I sacked them off), and being that I had spent the majority of my money on alcohol the previous night I had to try several different shoe shops before I found a vintage shop that sold some pumps for under a tenner. There are far more things I've done that should be more embarressing than this event, but something about walking around town in the morning with no shoes on trying to find anywhere to furnish my feet for a few quid just made me feel like the scum of the earth... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxyPV Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 I'd taken the morning off school one day and was dandering about town having a few joints, when I farted walking past City Hall and a bit more than expected came out. I had to waddle down to Primark, pick out a pair of school trousers and bring them to them changing room to try them on. In the changing room I mopped up most of the damage, and put the new pair on. Thegirl offered to take them back but being the gentleman that I am, I told her not to bother and I put the (now mildly stained) pair back on the rack and walked out in apair of nice clean trousers and made my way to school. Definitely not my proudest moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 27 May 2011 Author Share Posted 27 May 2011 I once pulled a girl in Sheffield and went back to her halls. After realising she didn't have her key we took a detour to her friends halls and they chucked her key out the window, only to get it stuck on a ledge. I, being the drunken hero, took off my trainer and started throwing it to try and knock the key off and it got lodged up there with the key. I then took off my second trainer to try and rescue the first and obviously the inevitable happened. I woke up in the morning feeling like death and had to walk a mile into the city centre bare foot (my stripey socks were a give away to everyone i passed so I sacked them off), and being that I had spent the majority of my money on alcohol the previous night I had to try several different shoe shops before I found a vintage shop that sold some pumps for under a tenner. There are far more things I've done that should be more embarressing than this event, but something about walking around town in the morning with no shoes on trying to find anywhere to furnish my feet for a few quid just made me feel like the scum of the earth... Oi i broke my thongs in Leicester in late October walking down main st of town bare foot brought a lighter went back to the pub and melted the rubber plugs back together. Also happened to might mate in Bruge while it was pissing down walking thru puddles bare foot very lady like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finnegan Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 Houdini, important question - did she still put out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houdini Logic Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 Houdini, important question - did she still put out? Sure did - must have been a romantic and passionate experience for her being that I had bits of chips and tomato ketchup stuck to the bottom of my feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonthefox Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 I went for a dump at a festival once, and the only thing to wipe my ass on was my socks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeyT Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 I went for a dump at a festival once, and the only thing to wipe my ass on was my socks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 27 May 2011 Author Share Posted 27 May 2011 When i was 19 at a mates 21st. My mates mum had to miss parrt of the speeches cos i was that drunk she had to drive me back to there house. Also got interviewed on National tv drunk as a skunk leaving the World Cup just after Australia lost 4-nil and i swore and every one saw it back home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mee Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 When i was 19 at a mates 21st. My mates mum had to miss parrt of the speeches cos i was that drunk she had to drive me back to there house. Also got interviewed on National tv drunk as a skunk leaving the World Cup just after Australia lost 4-nil and i swore and every one saw it back home. lol I would love to live as you for one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 27 May 2011 Author Share Posted 27 May 2011 lol I would love to live as you for one day. You probably don't but if we headed out i thing is going to happen and it will be fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walkers Wench Posted 27 May 2011 Share Posted 27 May 2011 i was waiting for a taxi to take to me a wedding reception last summer,,and as a car pulled up outside the kids told me it was here,,,i grabbed my bag,,keys,,phone etc,,and ran down the drive,smiled at the driver as i rounded the bonnet and got in the passenger side,,i thought at first he was looking at me strangely because he thought id get in the back seat,,,but then i realised he looked alarmed and told me he was delivering a take away to number 32,,,,and my taxi pulled up behind us. Shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted 28 May 2011 Share Posted 28 May 2011 Whilst living in Greece for a year or so, my 21st got messy. We celebrated on the Saturday night rather than the Sunday which was the day of my birthday (apparently this is traditional). By midnight having been plied since 3pm with a steady flow of beer and Sambuca-like liquids, I was unsure if standing on the bar to receive a cake people had made would be the best plan as my balance was at best wobbly and my vision would not have been described by an optician as 20/20. Encouraged anyway to stand on the bar amongst beer taps, as they brought in a cake with candles it went a bit wrong. I fell through the front window of the bar onto a picnic bench/table outside. I remember hurriedly getting up dusting myself down and telling everybody I was okay. People seemed pleased and the bar owner was surprisingly jovial about the whole thing (though on reflection we had over the past months spent enough cash in there to buy him an extension to his premises never mind some more cheap glass) Now having taken part in the tying up / zip tying of people in various locations for their birthdays, I knew my turn was gonna come so didn't fight too hard when the tied me to a pole an hour later on the walk back to my residence - I was leathered and had a lovely view of the sea from the side of the road. It was a little late once tied to the pole to prevent them from taking my clothes - hindsight is a wonderful thing. The morning brought a headache and a very bright sun. Lovely view, apart from the pool of my own blood I was sitting in - I had cut myself quite deeply down my back whilst crashing through the window and due to all the adrenalin and alcohol not really noticed. This combined with the hangover was not what I had anticipated being 21 feeling like. At around 5am on a deserted coast road there wasn't a whole lot of people around - a car went by and the people inside looked a tad horrified and kept going - which I do not blame them for, then a lad came by on a moped which must have been nearly 50cc and the smallest near 50cc moped in existence. He took one look at me as I communicated to him in my very limited greek as I repeated 'hospital, hospital' and rode off. I began occupying my time attempting to assess if I was still bleeding - this was a challenge as my arms were still tied behind my back and some of the blood I was sitting in looked fresh. (There wasn't much else to do except try and convince oneself that I wasn't going to bleed to death through alcohol impaired judgement.) Some time went by. The lad then returned on the moped with a pair of scissors and what at it's biggest was a hand towel. He cut me free and I used the now bloody hand-towel to try and push against my wound (s) and cover up my privates which it was not big enough to do as it would not wrap around my waist. The next uncomfortable fifty minutes was spent naked behind a small greek teenager on the most underpowered moped in the world, whining it's way to the hospital through all local villages being viewed with interest by local early risers. Upon arrival at the hospital they looked at me with a large degree of contempt - another white brit holiday maker, over indulging in alcohol using their country as a holiday toilet. I wasn't going to convince them otherwise, especially with a foot square hand towel covering my privates. The hospital resembled a stalled market more than anything else and I can remember thinking the NHS was a particularly cool thing to have. They ushered me onto a table, refused me anaesthetic due to the alcohol I had consumed and gave me eight double stitches into my back for my birthday. I never got a chance to thank the kid on the moped - nor did I see him again. It's likely he is more 'scarred for life' than me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 28 May 2011 Author Share Posted 28 May 2011 Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Libertine Posted 28 May 2011 Share Posted 28 May 2011 That is one hell of a story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxyPV Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 Awesome story Nick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleronnie Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 I drank my own wee wee once. Woke up after a bit of a session, dry as a bone picked up my drink on the side table (I always take a drink to bed.....yes I'm single), and took a big swig, took a few seconds to realise something wasnt quite right, then when reality hit, I ran to the bathroom and spent a while brushing my teeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanSP Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 LAD would be underestimation for that. Great story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shen Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 I went for a dump at a festival once, and the only thing to wipe my ass on was my socks. Similarly, I tried some skunk with a mate of mine at Roskilde festival, which hit a bit harder than I anticipated. Started feeling numb all over and shortly after I was convinced that if I didn't leave my chair straight away I'd shit all over myself. I ran to the middle of the main street at peak pedestrian hour, pulled my pants down and sat there with my arse (and probably genitals) showing for about ten minutes. When I realised it was all just an illusion I embarrassingly pulled the pants up and trudged back to the camp where the whole gang were rolling around with cramps from laughter. I crawled up in a corner listening to their taunts and jokes before leaving for my tent around 8pm and sleep off a very humiliating experience Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stadt Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 Not the most embarrising story but when your a kid in a supermarket, and you tap someone on the back shouting "Mum!,Mum!" only for her to turn around and be a complete stranger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanSP Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 Not the most embarrising story but when your a kid in a supermarket, and you tap someone on the back shouting "Mum!,Mum!" only for her to turn around and be a complete stranger Similar, and I can't have been the only one - calling a female teacher at school 'mum' by accident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajthefox Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 Similar, and I can't have been the only one - calling a female teacher at school 'mum' by accident. I think everyone has shouted mum at someone who wasn't their mum at least once before. I went up to someone elses mum once when finishing a day at primary school Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AoWW Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 Similar, and I can't have been the only one - calling a female teacher at school 'mum' by accident. Being called Mum by one of your pupils. One of the 'hardest' year 8 boys at my school called me Mum the other day in front of all his mates... he was mortified. I've not stopped winding him up about it since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanSP Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 Being called Mum by one of your pupils. One of the 'hardest' year 8 boys at my school called me Mum the other day in front of all his mates... he was mortified. I've not stopped winding him up about it since. Haha rightly so! Bet he felt like a right tit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asha Posted 29 May 2011 Share Posted 29 May 2011 Similar, and I can't have been the only one - calling a female teacher at school 'mum' by accident. It's actually ludicrous how often this happens to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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