Nalis Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Question for those at the kids stage of life (ie, mid to late twenties onwards)... I'm in my early 30s and me and my partner have talked about it and neither of us want kids. Anyone else in the same boat? Always felt like that but thought I'd want kids eventually, not sure if that will ever happen at this stage... Only becoming more aware of it now as mates (and partners mate) are either thinking of having kids or have kids/are pregnant... Also, although I love my young niece and nephew to bits, seeing them at their worst makes me not want kids even more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrighty22 Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I never really planned to have kids, but I have a son and couldn't imagine my life without him. Even if he is a little sod at times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingcarr21 Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 i find it quite sad for people not wanting to have kids. My 2 kids are my absolute world. All i would say is i reckon you would regret it in your later years. Dont get me wrong i do sometimes envy the lives of people who earn money and its all for themselves to go on nice holidays but i just imagine those people to have very lonely lives when they are older. Each to their own though. If you are happy to not have kids then fair play to you. At least if you are regularly involved in your niece and nephews lives then its kind of a win win situation. You get to be the cool uncle who gets to do the fun stuff then pass them back when they are little shits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srbfox Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I've just became a dad to a little girl (11 days old now), this wasn't planned and me and my wife certainly weren't looking at having kids anytime soon, but I'm so glad we did. "Planning" kids just sounds a bit off to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellend Sebastian Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I think some people just assume from an early age that that's what they want to do, and others are equally sure that they don't want to have kids. I've seen people in the latter camp change their minds, but I don't recall meeting anyone that was up for it but then went off the idea. The only certainties I think are that the nature of your relationship with your children is that it's highly unlikely you would regret having them (I'm not saying it's unheard of), and that having a child with someone in an effort to strengthen a failing relationship is one of the worst ideas there is. Congratulations, srbfox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merging Cultures Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 We definitely planned when we were financially ready for children. Ours are now 4 (5 this month) and 2 (next month). Children are quite awesome. It does change your life, but not to sound harsh, the children aren't our priority, our relationship is. Our house isn't full of toys, we give them other experiences (living in Africa etc). Personally, I think people who drop everything for children, miss out on so much. Children adapt very easily and so you should always follow your dreams first with your partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finnegan Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 When I was in my teens I thought I'd rather be a younger (not like 18, I'm not from the Saff) parent than an older one. Now I'm old enough to appreciate my life I don't want the little parasites at all. The population globally is booming at a crazy rate anyway, we should probably all calm down until we can manage to feed and water what we have. Plus there's stil **** loads of stuff I want to do and places I want to go. I'd really rather a dog. My missus seems to agree at the moment but if she starts getting broody we might have issues. We're both 29. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bovril Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 i find it quite sad for people not wanting to have kids. Each to their own. I love kids but I don't want one. I know I'd be a shit Dad, I'm lazy and I like my freedom too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finnegan Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I feel sad for the people with kids tbh. I've got a tidy bank balance and no dependants, I can drop everything and piss off round the world if I want and blow all my cash on a massive telly when I get back. I can go out on Friday night, spend all of Saturday watching the football and recover Sunday without a little person nagging me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merging Cultures Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 When I was in my teens I thought I'd rather be a younger (not like 18, I'm not from the Saff) parent than an older one. Now I'm old enough to appreciate my life I don't want the little parasites at all. The population globally is booming at a crazy rate anyway, we should probably all calm down until we can manage to feed and water what we have. Plus there's stil **** loads of stuff I want to do and places I want to go. I'd really rather a dog. My missus seems to agree at the moment but if she starts getting broody we might have issues. We're both 29. Each to their own. I love kids but I don't want one. I know I'd be a shit Dad, I'm lazy and I like my freedom too much. Dont rush. My wife was 37 and 40 respectively at the birth of our children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merging Cultures Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I feel sad for the people with kids tbh. I've got a tidy bank balance and no dependants, I can drop everything and piss off round the world if I want and blow all my cash on a massive telly when I get back. I can go out on Friday night, spend all of Saturday watching the football and recover Sunday without a little person nagging me. Read my post mate! Get yourself sorted financially, do what you want to do, and put your relationship first. My daughter has lived in 3 countries, no need to let them slow you down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finnegan Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Read my post mate! Get yourself sorted financially, do what you want to do, and put your relationship first. My daughter has lived in 3 countries, no need to let them slow you down! You don't count you brag bragging bastard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon the Hat Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Dont rush. My wife was 37 and 40 respectively at the birth of our children. The same, only it cost us £25k in IVF treatment to get there, so I am rather in the don't wait too long camp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr The Singh Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Have 3 kids, only the last one was planned. I agree with MC, it does help to be financially sound, but people I know go over the top with wanting to be be financially secure, just make sure your stable. I was very poor when we had our first two, with little support from family etc, some of the toughest times of my life, we nearly terminated the second one because of the hardship, but the mrs couldn't go through with it, it was the best decision she has ever made, I can't imagine my life without her. All in all, all the hardship, expense and pain is easily forgotten when I see a smile on my children's face!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr The Singh Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I feel sad for the people with kids tbh. I've got a tidy bank balance and no dependants, I can drop everything and piss off round the world if I want and blow all my cash on a massive telly when I get back. I can go out on Friday night, spend all of Saturday watching the football and recover Sunday without a little person nagging me. You don't like midgets????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellend Sebastian Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I think it's very easy to get hung up on the things you like about your life and assume that everything will be shit when it's not practical to do them anymore because of your kids, but this ignores the fact that a lot of that stuff gets replaced by new things that are good. I spend a lot less time down the pub, but I probably come into contact with more people socially now through having children than when I didn't. Being a parent is a very difficult thing to do in isolation and I think the kids parties and all those things that sound terrible are actually alright because by default they bring you into contact with people in a similar position to your own. For the first time in my life I actually feel like part of a community, and it's actually quite nice, and it's all down to having children. Life tip: don't leave having kids too late if it means your own parents are too decrepit to help out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bayfox Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I'll be honest, it's a really difficult one, I was always of the opinion I wanted kids before I got to old to see them grow up and join in with them, playing on the park etc, but also had to balance that with being able to afford them the lifestyle I want to try to give them. In the end we had our 1st when I was 30 and 2nd one came along (unplanned) way to quick and things were really hard money wise for a year or 2, both me and the wife work and her being off twice in 3 years was difficult. However, I wouldn't be without either of them now, that's not to say they aren't hard work at times, infact being so close in age makes them either best mates, or cat and dog. But for all the things I have done in my life, I don't think there is any feeling like the sense of pride you feel when they achieve something new, are praised by peers etc. Really is something special. Ours are not spoilt in our opinion, we try to afford holidays, but they don't have all the latest toys and gadgets, infact we prefer things such as lego and board games and try to encourage that, but this keeping up with the jones, really is the hardest part, when all their mates have things and ours don't. That becomes a real battle. You really do have to way these things up, along with giving up a lot of your own time, to help them, homework, activities etc, to be honest, I am left with the city and golf as the only 2 things I spend my money on. I love my kids, but on the other hand could see a few reasons why people would make a choice not to have them as well, my main one, would be the amount of the world I want to see and have had to reign in that ambition for later life. EDIT: would agree with the post above about support networks, my parents live in italy (they moved just after my daughters 1st birthday) and my wife only has her mum, all our grandparents are to old to deal with 2 small children, so we find it very difficult to find time for ourselves as one of us is nearly always required to be around outside school hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Railway Man Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Not for me. Enjoy freedom to travel and spend too much. I see some of my mates now and they are in Sainsburys on a Saturday afternoon or turning up weddings with 2/3 kids in tow and they look miserable as sin. Might do it when I'm an older bloke and had my life but not yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merging Cultures Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 The same, only it cost us £25k in IVF treatment to get there, so I am rather in the don't wait too long camp. Fair enough mate. I've got friends who are doing the surrogacy route in India... very very difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merging Cultures Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Life tip: don't leave having kids too late if it means your own parents are too decrepit to help out But make sure they are retired and can spend as much time as needed. My wife's Mum is retired, she spends >3 months a year with us (it isn't as bad as it sounds!). My Mum and Dad are both working, which limits how often we see them (and us not being in the UK... bragging?!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingcarr21 Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Each to their own. I love kids but I don't want one. I know I'd be a shit Dad, I'm lazy and I like my freedom too much. Thats just daft. The moment you see your child for the first time you just know you will do everything to make them happy. I hav 2 kids but still have the freedom to do things i like to do. Plus when my youngest is 18 i will only be in my 40s. Still plenty of years to do things like travel around. I would rather have kids now and travel around in my 40s/50s than do the travelling now then be in my mid 50s when im going to my kids school parents evenings and im older than the teacher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samilktray Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I don't understand the rush to have kids so early, when I see people of my age with 2 or 3 kids it absolutely baffles me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bayfox Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Thats just daft. The moment you see your child for the first time you just know you will do everything to make them happy. I hav 2 kids but still have the freedom to do things i like to do. Plus when my youngest is 18 i will only be in my 40s. Still plenty of years to do things like travel around. I would rather have kids now and travel around in my 40s/50s than do the travelling now then be in my mid 50s when im going to my kids school parents evenings and im older than the teacher I'm 35 and already older than any of the 3 teachers my kids have had so far!!! Mind you my daughters 1st teacher was fit, but one year of teaching kids and she has decided to leave for oz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bovril Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Thats just daft. The moment you see your child for the first time you just know you will do everything to make them happy. Probably, but the point is I don't want to. And I don't want to commit to one partner anyway. I don't mean to say I think you're 'wrong' or daft for having kids, I bet you're an awesome Dad. It's just not for everyone. Maybe I'll change in 5 years, who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Langley Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Me and the soon to be Mrs Langley are getting married in September. I'm 26 and she's 27 and we're planning on having two. The first a year after the wedding and the second one around two years after that. Our goal at the start was house (which we bought in May) married (Sept 2016) and then kids after that where we're financially stable as we can be and just in a great place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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