Merging Cultures Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Just ****ing travel. Stop blaming waiting for or having children for not leaving St Matthews. Seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jattdogg Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Im 35 (wife is 33) and have 2 kids. My daughter is almost 8 months and my son will be 3 in february. So far its definitely been tough because at these ages they depend on you for so much. Im tired all the time but those milestone moments and smiles always get me. When my son comes over and says "i luv u daddy" and hugs me it just makes me feel like the greatest dad in the world (some of you dads may beg to differ). My daughter is crawling now and its so cute to watch her get around and giggle. Side note i do not and will never enjoy changing explosive out of the diaper wet poops (whether they are my own or my kids). I thought id really miss being able to go out whenever and wherever. Or watch football all weekend long etc but i dont. I mean there times if love to go out dont get me wrong but im not bothered if it doesnt happen. As long as i can see foxes games on tape delay or live or via youtube uploads i am happy. If you are a me me me me type person then please do not have kids. Your ego will walk you straight into being that cvnt parent . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooseBreath Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 One kid and a stay at home wife sounds like the ideal situation to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooseBreath Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Just ****ing travel. Stop blaming waiting for or having children for not leaving St Matthews. Seriously. I've seen young families travelling everywhere from Calcutta slums to Cambodian beach huts. I shared an eight hour mega cheap bus journey in China with a British couple who had two kids of four and six. They were 'home schooling' the eldest while he was seeing the world. Expats take their families all over the world. Being able to travel with slightly more freedom sounds like a horseshit excuse to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicki Vixen Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I have a kid with disabilities and the strain that managing him puts on my relationship with my wife is huge. People have a fixed idea what having kids is like from friends, siblings etc. but it assumes your kid is born healthy. If not, then carrying on with your life as before, travelling the world with your little ones etc. are far more difficult to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MPH Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Each to their own. I love kids but I don't want one. I know I'd be a shit Dad, I'm lazy and I like my freedom too much. I respect this far more than i do when people have kids and cant be arsed to spend any time with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crinklyfox Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I have a kid with disabilities and the strain that managing him puts on my relationship with my wife is huge. People have a fixed idea what having kids is like from friends, siblings etc. but it assumes your kid is born healthy. If not, then carrying on with your life as before, travelling the world with your little ones etc. are far more difficult to do.I couldn't agree more. I've been in the same situation but my children are now grown and looking back I think my life would have been poorer without them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alf Bentley Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I became a Dad for the first and presumably last time at nearly 42. In my 20s: Not a consideration - too immature, too skint, mainly too single and too busy going to gigs, travelling, changing job/city, getting pissed and having fun. Early 30s: Not a consideration - too busy doing degree as mature student, too skint, in a new relationship Mid-30s: Started considering it as relationship was stable, was a bit less skint and a bit more mature....then partner (now wife) had a near-fatal accident so issue got put off for another 2-3 years. I know many people mature earlier than me, but there's no way I could have coped with parenthood before my 30s. At that stage, I came to the conclusion that I'd like to be a Dad. Wouldn't have been a disaster if it hadn't happened, but I'd have felt a need to replace it with something rewarding but unselfish, like voluntary work. Would have felt a bit empty just carrying on pleasing myself and having fun into/beyond middle age. 11 years on, I don't regret it a bit - though it's expensive and hard work, I've found parenthood satisfying and fun. I've now got an amusing, stimulating 11-year-old companion to help towards adulthood, when she's not too busy. However, I'm looking forward to her needing us less and to having more freedom again. Have still managed to get to occasional gigs/films and to get off abroad alone, but 9 days max. Now looking forward to going wild again in late middle-age. Parenthood can be massively rewarding - but also crowds out a lot of other stuff that you could have been doing. So, I reckon it's down to personal inclinations, relationship situation, personality, financial circumstances etc. A couple of things, though: - Several mates who remained childless now seem to lead dull lives (work, TV, home hobbies, package holiday, round of golf); remaining childless can be a beneficial decision, but not if you let life drift....kids can keep you younger (or kil you!) - I'm now spending a lot of time looking after my elderly, widowed, otherwise isolated Dad, and given the terrible state of health/social care, am painfully aware of how crap things might be for him if he didn't have children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxinexile Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I really think it's for the individual to decide whether they want children. Every man, woman and their dog will tell you to have/not to have kids, yet it has to be something that feels right for you and your husband/wife/partner...nobody else. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told, "You don't know what you're missing out on" (by not having them) and I always think how arrogant it is to say that. That's somebody effectively telling me that my life would be better if I had kids and therefore my life lacks something without them. Total nonsense! My own take has always been: If you want kids ... fantastic. If you don't want kids ... fantastic. Just don't worry too much if you did/didn't do the right thing by having/not having them. You're a long time dead and all that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lianne81 Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Was 20 when i had my first. I have 5 in all now aged from 14-5 i wish in a way i had waited until i was late 20's and knew what i did by that age.I would not be without my kids they mean the world to me , but if you are unsure or having to ask peoples take on it maybe now is not the right time to have one, you will know in your heart if you are ever ready for one and if not just stay the way you are.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox92 Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I don't understand the rush to have kids so early, when I see people of my age with 2 or 3 kids it absolutely baffles me. Agree with this. Surely it puts restrictions on where you want to go with your life/career. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Oxlong Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Can make you a tidy sum on benefits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellend Sebastian Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 My eldest has just taken one tiny bite out of a Tunnock's Teacake and then put it in the bin. Literally the worst thing he's ever done. Furious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bovril Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Can make you a tidy sum on benefits. Hmm you're convincing me. Might make the come to bed eyes at my Lithuanian cleaner tomorrow morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nalis Posted 3 November 2015 Author Share Posted 3 November 2015 I spend a lot less time down the pub, but I probably come into contact with more people socially now through having children than when I didn't. Being a parent is a very difficult thing to do in isolation and I think the kids parties and all those things that sound terrible are actually alright because by default they bring you into contact with people in a similar position to your own. For the first time in my life I actually feel like part of a community, and it's actually quite nice, and it's all down to having children. Funny you say that as we were joking at the weekend about how we'd would be missing out socially in our 40s as all our mates would have kids Really interesting to see so many different views on parenthood and how its a personal thing really. For me, I like the idea of being in my mid 50s and having a teenage/young adult son or daughter but the baby/toddler/child stage doesnt really appeal to me at all at the minute and the latter outweighs the former. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoyJones Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 We had our children early, four by the time we were 30. I was still a low graded bank worker at the time, although having the kids and four years at night school concentrated my mind and I did end up in quite a senior position in the bank. My wife gave up her job as a PA to the financial director of a PLC in late 1976. If we had had no kids it is likely she would have gone on to earn accumulated income in excess of £1M, which including my decent income would have meant an extremely pleasant lifestyle. Some people may think we were silly for not choosing this life. However, we wouldn't change anything. Being constantly skint for 20 years made us appreciate life in a different way and now the boys and later daughter have all left home, we've been relatively well off again since 2000, during which time we must have completed best part of 100 trips abroad. We love to travel but decided to wait. Having children gives us immense pleasure and we did our utmost to give them the most joyous childhood we could. We are all still local and by the way all ardent city fans. None of this man utd / liverpool / barcelona crap. Talking football, I have played adult football with my lads for 20 years now and still play with them at the local Goals. You cannot imagine the joy I get from this (except the lads never inherited their Dads skill!) and the grandchildren now appearing. It is all about choice, my brother and sister have never wanted children. We did. My personal point of view is earlier is better, but I accept that the world is a very different, much more materialistic place from 40 years ago. Not saying it is worse or better, just totally different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystonFox Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I feel sad for the people with kids tbh. I've got a tidy bank balance and no dependants, I can drop everything and piss off round the world if I want and blow all my cash on a massive telly when I get back. I can go out on Friday night, spend all of Saturday watching the football and recover Sunday without a little person nagging me. All fair comments but I've got a 4 month old son I love to bits who is gorgeous and turning into a proper little character. No telly or booze up or holiday will give me the feeling I get when I see this boy's face. No ammount of words can summarise what I feel for my boy. It is just mind blowing and I know I am so lucky. I've done plenty in my life already (28) so for me and my wife we planned our child for this time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MPH Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Thats just daft. The moment you see your child for the first time you just know you will do everything to make them happy. I hav 2 kids but still have the freedom to do things i like to do. Plus when my youngest is 18 i will only be in my 40s. Still plenty of years to do things like travel around. I would rather have kids now and travel around in my 40s/50s than do the travelling now then be in my mid 50s when im going to my kids school parents evenings and im older than the teacher I really wish i could say that was the same for ALL parents. It absolutely should be... but there are definitely some people out there who should never of become parents and cant seem to give their kids the time of day.. Probably, but the point is I don't want to. And I don't want to commit to one partner anyway. I don't mean to say I think you're 'wrong' or daft for having kids, I bet you're an awesome Dad. It's just not for everyone. Maybe I'll change in 5 years, who knows. You're making all the right decisions as far as i am concerned. One piece of advice though.. If ever you do start to settle down to a permanent partner, make sure this is talked about because if she goes into marriage/ life partner stuff expecting kids to find out you don't want any... it can just get very messy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bovril Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 One reason I might have kids is just to excuse all the negative traits I've always had. Like when my sisters tell me "you try bringing up two kids" even though they've been overly-passive aggressive, neurotic control-freaks for as long as I can remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuchsntf Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I really think it's for the individual to decide whether they want children. Every man, woman and their dog will tell you to have/not to have kids, yet it has to be something that feels right for you and your husband/wife/partner...nobody else. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told, "You don't know what you're missing out on" (by not having them) and I always think how arrogant it is to say that. That's somebody effectively telling me that my life would be better if I had kids and therefore my life lacks something without them. Total nonsense! My own take has always been: If you want kids ... fantastic. If you don't want kids ... fantastic. Just don't worry too much if you did/didn't do the right thing by having/not having them. You're a long time dead and all that! I wont force, or push my ideas on anyone, and it seems you like the idea of live and let live.Without writing a Roman or try to persuade you and others on the argument of having children, I would like to put these points, but 1st, I travelled with my wife and children, with work sometimes saving and stopped work. Having kids never stopped me doing anything, or carrying out my dreams or waiting to do things when they left the house. Now some points. # I , you and everybody else on this planet, are here because parents decided to have children, even the so called unwanted, unexpected children, all parents wanted with or without love, to have sex, the major bioligical idea is sex will give you children, so just going through with sex, any clever human I suppose knows what could happen, so the natural want is there anyway.Whether people are good bad has nothing to do with it. # when a women splits the difference, and says I want to do something usefull, and have work, and not to be bored by having children. i) what work in an office, or the military services, neither work on the shop floor can be considered usefull, and definitly wont change the world. ii) The strongest most natural possibiltity of changing the world or enviroment, is to have children. iii) A women giving Birth gives hope, no promises but hope. iv) A woman with child,helps to change the world, busy parents nurture their child , the child will grow to have their own ideas. v) Whether the human race contains, good, bad, conceitfull, caring, egoistic, arrogant, respectfull, understanding types, even taking wars into account, we progress and sail the winds of hope, because children improves the next generations Possibilities. # To have dreams and targets, to enjoy the enviroment, local or WWide, to have friends, to enjoy the technical wonders of The past/present and the now of time in a creative world, we need children who later help to produce and develope the world we know.. ## So wanting to be here and to exsist using our human created world, isnt it being egoistic and selfish to say, I'll take what my forefathers have given and allowed me, but why should I give, or present this life with anything. i) I am myself no great success, so one should not have the arrogance to have no fear of failure. ii) Not enjoying the crying moaning or even sqealing of laughing children is denying your own right for voice. These words are not put, to change anybody, or to anti your quote....just thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonthefox Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 I became a dad for the first time at 30 . That was 16 years ago . I can honestly say my life is richer and more fulfilled than ever . I am however skinter and more knackered than I've ever been . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Really interesting to see so many different views on parenthood and how its a personal thing really. And that's the thing - it's a very personal thing. I received so much conflicting advice before we had our two and none of it made a blind bit of difference. When we knew, we knew. Whatever you decide, it's the right choice for you and no one should judge you. It's your life and only you know instinctively what to do. P.S. In my experience, kids are hard work, expensive, and mainly get in the way of me doing what I want to do - combined with moments of pure joy, pride and fun that are just priceless. But don't listen to me, or anyone else for that matter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Detroit Blues Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Having kids seems like such a terrifying experience. A lifelong commitment of time, responsibility and resources. Once you go into it, there's no going back - no holidays away, or sick days off. Yet all i ever hear from parents is how much they love it. I've found that one of the great experiences in life is growing up and realizing that your parents are real people that did the best they could. It's even more surreal when you get to be the age your parents were when they had you. You think about the fear and excitement they must have had when they held you for the first time. It really puts in perspective all of the issues you might have had with them growing up, or the disassociation people have from their parents in their adolescence. It makes you appreciate all the time and love they put into it. Personally, I'm still putting off having kids. My wife and I enjoy the independence and flexibility of having hobbies and disposable income . We'd like to do some travel, and buy our own place first. On the other hand my wife is starting to get closer to 30 so I think she's becoming more anxious about having kids while she still can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thracian Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 From the time I became a dad-to-be at 18, seeing my three kids arrive, grow up and make their mum and I so proud has been the joy of my days. I've had such a happy, interesting and exciting life but there's nothing to match the gift of my kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted 3 November 2015 Share Posted 3 November 2015 Having kids seems like such a terrifying experience. A lifelong commitment of time, responsibility and resources. Once you go into it, there's no going back - no holidays away, or sick days off. Yet all i ever hear from parents is how much they love it. Before we had kids, me and the wife traveled the world and saw all the places we wanted to on our bucket list - and it was all great. Then this year we took our 6 and 9 year old to Disney world Florida for two weeks. It was the best holiday I've ever had and the look on their faces when we arrived there will live with me forever. #priceless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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