Depression

[FoxesDeb]

I really hope everyone here is able to enjoy our success at present, at least to some degree. I couldn't watch our games in the weeks after I lost Ellis, but I have come back to it, and I did enjoy last night.

 

It's obviously tinged with a lot of sadness, sadness that he isn't here to witness it himself, sadness that I couldn't text him last night to share with him, memories of the night we won the PL and I opened a bottle of champagne with him and then we both went down to the KP.  

 

But my life has to go on whether I like it or not, and he wouldn't want me to be miserable. It's very easy to tell ourselves that though, and much harder to put in to practice.

 

Sending lots of good vibes to everyone, we are stronger together and we will all be OK.

[Jattdogg]

6 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really hope everyone here is able to enjoy our success at present, at least to some degree. I couldn't watch our games in the weeks after I lost Ellis, but I have come back to it, and I did enjoy last night.

 

It's obviously tinged with a lot of sadness, sadness that he isn't here to witness it himself, sadness that I couldn't text him last night to share with him, memories of the night we won the PL and I opened a bottle of champagne with him and then we both went down to the KP.  

 

But my life has to go on whether I like it or not, and he wouldn't want me to be miserable. It's very easy to tell ourselves that though, and much harder to put in to practice.

 

Sending lots of good vibes to everyone, we are stronger together and we will all be OK.

We all love ya Deb! As always keeping you and the family in my thoughts for brighter days.

 

[ajthefox]

Been struggling to stop the negative thoughts and the spirals they tend to generate.

 

Nothing serious, I'm just fed up of having the same conversations with myself over and over again.

 

It's pointless worrying and I know it is and what is needed is action - I'm just finding it hard at the moment.

[MPH]

1 hour ago, ajthefox said:

Been struggling to stop the negative thoughts and the spirals they tend to generate.

 

Nothing serious, I'm just fed up of having the same conversations with myself over and over again.

 

It's pointless worrying and I know it is and what is needed is action - I'm just finding it hard at the moment.

 

Finding it hard is not a crime, chap! But I get that it can grow tiresome. Not giving into it is worth it for all the good times you can have!

[Daggers]

 

[Heskey2011]

58 minutes ago, Daggers said:

 

Sent this to the group of lads I play football with. People still talking about suicide a day later👏👏👏

It's really powerful.  And really important we get our friends talking about it.

Biggest killer of the under 50s.

 

 

 

[Heskey2011]

On 08/05/2024 at 21:44, ajthefox said:

Been struggling to stop the negative thoughts and the spirals they tend to generate.

 

Nothing serious, I'm just fed up of having the same conversations with myself over and over again.

 

It's pointless worrying and I know it is and what is needed is action - I'm just finding it hard at the moment.

Hey man. I've been counselling about negative thoughts, spiralling anxiety etc. For a tip for you.

 

It may sound silly but try writing down your thoughts when you're really depressed, when you read them back to yourself you realise how daft the thoughts have been.

[StanSP]

Superb message from Wolves. Didn't know where else to put it but think it's great. 

 

 

 

 

[Daggers]

2 hours ago, StanSP said:

Superb message from Wolves. Didn't know where else to put it but think it's great. 

 

 

 

 

Mods! 😡

[StanSP]

16 minutes ago, Daggers said:

Mods! 😡

Didn't see it, sorry! 

 

Mods, have a fvcking word! 

[jgtuk]

Crap last two weeks. Father in law died suddenly, was more of a really good friend than anything though. I’ve been supporting my wife and mother in law through their grief and dealing with all the legal stuff too. I’m sole executor and it’s been a complete ballache so far. Funeral Tuesday so hopefully have some normality back. 
 

I’ve spent the last two days working in the garden in the sun, really helped with my mental health, not talking to anyone and just occupying my mind with my surroundings. 
Done me a world of good. 

[ajthefox]

8 hours ago, StanSP said:

Superb message from Wolves. Didn't know where else to put it but think it's great. 

 

 

 

 

I was not expecting it, but I spent a good 10 minutes of that crying.

So many of us just need someone to give us that little nudge, just need that permission to be truly honest.

 

Mental health on social media has in some respects become a trend that certain people/companies look to exploit. But this stuff is real and it is why talking about things like depression and suicide are so, so important. I'll bet this has been huge for those 4 people.

Thanks for posting Stan.

[HighPeakFox]

On 11/05/2024 at 07:14, Daggers said:

 

Moving to say the least.

[Milo]

On 11/05/2024 at 07:14, Daggers said:

 

That’s amazing. Thanks for sharing 

[FoxesDeb]

On 11/05/2024 at 08:14, Daggers said:

 

I got at far as the warning and couldn’t watch it for obvious reasons. I'm glad it's here though, and I hope it helps avoid other families going through what we are.

[HighPeakFox]

6 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

I got at far as the warning and couldn’t watch it for obvious reasons. I'm glad it's here though, and I hope it helps avoid other families going through what we are.

Love to you, Deb x

[Daggers]

I proofed the girl's dissertation last week. It was all psychology and anonymised interviews - but there was only one male subject and I knew she'd interviewed the boy. Fvck. He grew up with me at my suicidal worst then hit university in time for covid lockdowns. I had no idea how tough he'd had it or the mental toil it took. I've no idea how to approach him about it - mainly because I'm not supposed to know about it. He's always been a happy little bear. Fair cracks my heart.

[HighPeakFox]

3 hours ago, Daggers said:

I proofed the girl's dissertation last week. It was all psychology and anonymised interviews - but there was only one male subject and I knew she'd interviewed the boy. Fvck. He grew up with me at my suicidal worst then hit university in time for covid lockdowns. I had no idea how tough he'd had it or the mental toil it took. I've no idea how to approach him about it - mainly because I'm not supposed to know about it. He's always been a happy little bear. Fair cracks my heart.

I am sure he loves you and will understand.

[Lionator]

3 hours ago, Daggers said:

I proofed the girl's dissertation last week. It was all psychology and anonymised interviews - but there was only one male subject and I knew she'd interviewed the boy. Fvck. He grew up with me at my suicidal worst then hit university in time for covid lockdowns. I had no idea how tough he'd had it or the mental toil it took. I've no idea how to approach him about it - mainly because I'm not supposed to know about it. He's always been a happy little bear. Fair cracks my heart.

I hope first and foremost that you’re not beating yourself up over it, because I can imagine that’s the first thing that would come into peoples heads. If you try and normalise the situation, covid was absolutely miserable, even more so for those isolated at university. So he 100% will not be the only one who was bumbling along well in life and then bam. Lack of purpose, lack of social life, isolation, no clarity as to how long it would last = what’s the point? 
 

If you want to approach him, you could share that Wolves video with him and just reassure him that you’re always there if he needs you. 

[Daggers]

24 minutes ago, Lionator said:

I hope first and foremost that you’re not beating yourself up over it

Heh. I do that daily for everything 😁

 

 

[Lionator]

49 minutes ago, Daggers said:

Heh. I do that daily for everything 😁

 

 

A friend who works in the MH field introduced me to the idea that anxiety/low mood/other symptoms aren't the source of a lot of mental health difficulties, it's shame. 

 

There's no such thing as good or bad thoughts, or rational or irrational thoughts. The driver of every negative feeling we have is guilt and shame because we feel like we're letting the tribe down, and when we feel that we let the tribe down, we become vulnerable (to predators historically) to negative consequences. 

[foxfanazer]

On 22/04/2024 at 02:57, chrishlcfc said:

Not posted on here for a while because I’ve tried to be more positive. I just can’t seem to do it at all. I feel so low at the moment, nothing is working for me. Still struggling with my gambling addiction, I try and hide it and I got slightly better because I gave control of my bank account to my sister and she would control my internet banking and just leave me small amounts to spend on my card. It helped a bit but i never really stopped gambling. I’ve recently changed banks and took control of everything again. But I gambled all my money away yesterday and now I feel such a failure again. I genuinely don’t know where to go anymore. It’s ruined my whole life. It’s controlled me and I’ve let it beat me. That on top of my depression is just becoming too much for me. For the last year now ive not worked. I feel so bad just sitting at home but I can’t motivate myself to change. It’s just the worst cycle ever and I can never seem to break it.

I can really relate this Chris. It's such self destructive behaviour because even when you get the high of a win it's never enough and I find you end up craving the feeling of despair in a strange way. Please whatever you don't give up on the hope of kicking it and being happy though.

 

It got so bad for me I literally wrote out my suicide letters to my family and even for my kids for when they grew up. I had no doubt in my mind that I was gonna do it. Whilst writing out the letters I cried my eyes out so much that I sent myself to sleep from exhaustion. The next day I read the letters back to myself and imagined my family reading them and vowed to try again. 

 

If there's absolutely anything I can do to help mate please don't hesitate to ask 

[foxfanazer]

On 30/03/2024 at 20:02, FoxesDeb said:

I need to write this somewhere, partly to let those of you who have noticed I haven't been around lately the reason why, and partly just to write it somewhere I suppose.

 

My youngest son died last month, he was 20 years old and he took his own life completely unexpectedly. He had absolutely everything to live for, a job he loved, a girlfriend who was besotted with him and him with her, a loving family, and it's completely broken me. Everyone thinks their kids are great, but a funnier, kinder, well mannered and level headed young lad you could not hope to meet.

 

I don't see the point in anything anymore really, and if it wasn't for my husband and other son and daughter I would have already left to be with him. I live about 500m from the sea and the temptation to just walk into it is almost overwhelming at times, I feel so sad that he's on his own,  I'm so angry with him for leaving me like this, and I miss him immeasurably. Every parent has moments wondering what it must be like to lose a child, and it's absolutely horrific.

 

The way I view everything has changed, I can't listen to music, can't watch things on TV that might bring any kind of reminder, and what I do try to watch as a distraction I'm not really watching, I'm just thinking about his last moments, what he must have been thinking and feeling, wondering all sorts of awful things really.

 

F1 was our thing together and I can't bear to see any mention of it anywhere, I can't watch our games because it just seems so frivolous and reminds me of all the times my son and I spent together at the KP, I can't look at his photos, the list is endless and I don't know if it will ever be any better than this. Everything just seems so completely pointless. My daughter shares the same birthday as him, this November she will turn 18 on the same day he would have turned 21, what a fvcking day that's going to be.

 

We all think these things happen to other people, until they happen to us. If anyone here has been through similar you have my complete sympathy, hopefully it doesn't feel like this forever but I can't imagine when it will change, and then I also feel guilty for not wanting to feel like this forever. However awful I might have previously imagined something like this to be was absolutely nowhere remotely close to how it actually feels, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deb I can't believe I missed this. I am so sorry. I sobbed reading this. I can't imagine any worse feeling in the world. You're one of the very kindest people on here and I imagine your son was an amazing person. 

 

I don't really know what to say other than my thoughts and condolences are with you and your family

[jgtuk]

Well, after the death of my fil and potentially losing everything we own I’m being pushed to a place I don’t want to be. My wife is inconsolable, she’s an only child and lost her dad only weeks ago and now this. She hasn’t eaten or drank properly since Saturday and is barely sleeping, in constant tears. I’ve never seen her like this. 
Most of the legal advice I’ve had is pretty horrendous, best case £750, 000 plus legal fees of £120,000 if we manage to make the injured party partly responsible. 
Apparently next to no chance of winning outright. 
These are specialist solicitors. 
Have an appointment with a very aggressive (and expensive) barrister on 29th as he’s on holiday until then. 

[MPH]

24 minutes ago, jgtuk said:

Well, after the death of my fil and potentially losing everything we own I’m being pushed to a place I don’t want to be. My wife is inconsolable, she’s an only child and lost her dad only weeks ago and now this. She hasn’t eaten or drank properly since Saturday and is barely sleeping, in constant tears. I’ve never seen her like this. 
Most of the legal advice I’ve had is pretty horrendous, best case £750, 000 plus legal fees of £120,000 if we manage to make the injured party partly responsible. 
Apparently next to no chance of winning outright. 
These are specialist solicitors. 
Have an appointment with a very aggressive (and expensive) barrister on 29th as he’s on holiday until then. 

 

 

 

What an absolute nightmare situation!

 

Just keep being there for her.  Just be a ray of sunshine, not a fixer..