Depression

[Lionator]

I’ve got to say things aren’t good at the moment after a stable few years. Work is all input with little reward, it’s driving up my anxiety and observers of other threads will see I can be irrational about things. Supposed to be at an event today and have absolutely zero motivation to go, I’m being awful to my partner even though I try and talk about it, I can’t tell her how I really feel (suicidal) as I’m scared it’ll hurt her too much. I just need a break from everything. 

[jgtuk]

Really struggling atm. The worst thing is seeing my Wife in such a state, she had a complete breakdown in the supermarket and is inconsolable at times.

I'm trying a go at normality and planning/working as usual but it's so hard to do when your sleep is virtually non existant and your skill and concentration levels are poor.

Losing my fil has been a blow as he was a brilliant sounding board/fixer.

Trying to cope with his will is tiring too, speaking with accountants, solicitors and all of the ordinary organisations he dealt with, Sky, BT, insurance companies etc.

[Zear0]

32 minutes ago, jgtuk said:

Really struggling atm. The worst thing is seeing my Wife in such a state, she had a complete breakdown in the supermarket and is inconsolable at times.

I'm trying a go at normality and planning/working as usual but it's so hard to do when your sleep is virtually non existant and your skill and concentration levels are poor.

Losing my fil has been a blow as he was a brilliant sounding board/fixer.

Trying to cope with his will is tiring too, speaking with accountants, solicitors and all of the ordinary organisations he dealt with, Sky, BT, insurance companies etc.

Been 12 years since my mum passed away. One of the things that I reflect upon, that was lost with the pain of grief, was the cold administration you're just expected to do within days of someone you love passing. 

 

As you say, the Will, bills, finances, registering the death and funeral arrangements. It's just a horrendous experience and not surprised to hear about how hard your wife is finding things.

 

All I can say is that it does get easier, but it's just so difficult. Keep supporting her and hopefully things get more manageable. 

[ajthefox]

3 hours ago, Lionator said:

I’ve got to say things aren’t good at the moment after a stable few years. Work is all input with little reward, it’s driving up my anxiety and observers of other threads will see I can be irrational about things. Supposed to be at an event today and have absolutely zero motivation to go, I’m being awful to my partner even though I try and talk about it, I can’t tell her how I really feel (suicidal) as I’m scared it’ll hurt her too much. I just need a break from everything. 

I would strongly recommend taking a leap of faith and telling your partner. 

 

In my experience, people were without fail more understanding and accepting of how I felt than I thought they would be, even if they didn't all "get it", exactly.

 

I obviously don't know your partner but I'm sure she would want to do anything within her power to help you feel better. 

 

You're stronger than you think you are mate, persevere and try and find an outlet for your feelings.

 

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

[Trav Le Bleu]

6 hours ago, ajthefox said:

I would strongly recommend taking a leap of faith and telling your partner. 

 

In my experience, people were without fail more understanding and accepting of how I felt than I thought they would be, even if they didn't all "get it", exactly.

 

I obviously don't know your partner but I'm sure she would want to do anything within her power to help you feel better. 

 

You're stronger than you think you are mate, persevere and try and find an outlet for your feelings.

 

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Was just about to say just about exactly this.

 

 

@Lionator

you could make things a lot better, both for how you feel and about not treating her well, giving her a reason for your moods and the knowledge that she can help you.

 

All the best to you and @jgtuk

[Lionator]

Thank you @Trav Le Bleu @ajthefox.

 

She would understand I’m sure, she’s amazing, but it’s still a leap. One of the other issues is that I don’t think it would make that much positive difference such is the work situation at the moment. I need to just get through the next few months but it’s a struggle. 

[Parafox]

On 26/05/2024 at 12:03, jgtuk said:

Really struggling atm. The worst thing is seeing my Wife in such a state, she had a complete breakdown in the supermarket and is inconsolable at times.

I'm trying a go at normality and planning/working as usual but it's so hard to do when your sleep is virtually non existant and your skill and concentration levels are poor.

Losing my fil has been a blow as he was a brilliant sounding board/fixer.

Trying to cope with his will is tiring too, speaking with accountants, solicitors and all of the ordinary organisations he dealt with, Sky, BT, insurance companies etc.

Sorry for your loss.

 

Firstly give yourselves Time. It's emotionally raw and feels like it's never going to be the same again. And it probably won't be. It'll just be different. That's what I found. Doing the things I used to regularly do for my mum stopped the day she passed and that was tough.

 

We all adapt. See @FoxesDeb recent posts.

 

Take it one step at a time. There's no real deadline for getting things done. 

 

When my dad, then my mum passed away it was down to me as executor to sort everything. The banks, utilities, insurances etc. were excellent. Once informed of the situation we had letters from them expressing sympathy (I know it's standard practice but it helped at the time) and giving decent advice of what we should do. We applied for probate and that also made things easier as the banks etc. had a direct point of contact.

 

 

[FoxesDeb]

I really hope nobody thinks this is inappropriate,  I will happily delete it if so, but I wanted to show you all.

 

I've had my first, and probably only, tattoo done this evening. If you can't tell from the photos, and they're not the best, it's round my ankle, with Ellis' name at the back.

 

I'm really pleased with it, it's exactly what I wanted. The hardest thing though is that I really want to be able to show him 

[HighPeakFox]

Just now, FoxesDeb said:

I really hope nobody thinks this is inappropriate,  I will happily delete it if so, but I wanted to show you all.

 

I've had my first, and probably only, tattoo done this evening. If you can't tell from the photos, and they're not the best, it's round my ankle, with Ellis' name at the back.

 

I'm really pleased with it, it's exactly what I wanted. The hardest thing though is that I really want to be able to show him 

The sentiment is enough Deb x

[urban.spaceman]

58 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really hope nobody thinks this is inappropriate,  I will happily delete it if so, but I wanted to show you all.

 

I've had my first, and probably only, tattoo done this evening. If you can't tell from the photos, and they're not the best, it's round my ankle, with Ellis' name at the back.

 

I'm really pleased with it, it's exactly what I wanted. The hardest thing though is that I really want to be able to show him 

That's absolutely beautiful Deb.

Edited 27 May by urban.spaceman

[urban.spaceman]

Having a proper struggle the last few days. Really struggling to get this script done despite knowing it could change my life. I'm already a month over the deadline and I'm supposed to be handing in a second draft on the 10th. External events are really not helping. It was my aunties funeral last week after a full 6 weeks of waiting. My dad lost his sister a month after his lifelong mentor and his best friend of 65 years (one of my best friends too) 18 months ago. All cancer but two of them very sudden and very shocking. He's just not himself; doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. Grief is just hanging over the entire family at the minute. I'm really struggling to lose weight too. Working out really well with my PT at the gym but can't back it up with exercise as injured my Achilles about a year ago and the physio is £60 a pop. Would go to the docs about it but my surgery is a basket case - I've not seen him for 4 and a half years. I've been looking forward to this summer for so long as I have a stag do, a couple of big gigs and a wedding in Latvia but my employer let me down last minute on Friday so it's going to be an extremely tight one and I may have to drop something. Just feels like one thing after another, and I can't seem to stabilise my mental health long enough to focus on finishing my project but there's so many constant distractions, plus the twat side of my brain telling me I'm no good at it and there's no future in it. Just ****ing volatile and constantly wondering if I should have gone back on my meds a month ago. Ugh.

[MPH]

39 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Having a proper struggle the last few days. Really struggling to get this script done despite knowing it could change my life. I'm already a month over the deadline and I'm supposed to be handing in a second draft on the 10th. External events are really not helping. It was my aunties funeral last week after a full 6 weeks of waiting. My dad lost his sister a month after his lifelong mentor and his best friend of 65 years (one of my best friends too) 18 months ago. All cancer but two of them very sudden and very shocking. He's just not himself; doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. Grief is just hanging over the entire family at the minute. I'm really struggling to lose weight too. Working out really well with my PT at the gym but can't back it up with exercise as injured my Achilles about a year ago and the physio is £60 a pop. Would go to the docs about it but my surgery is a basket case - I've not seen him for 4 and a half years. I've been looking forward to this summer for so long as I have a stag do, a couple of big gigs and a wedding in Latvia but my employer let me down last minute on Friday so it's going to be an extremely tight one and I may have to drop something. Just feels like one thing after another, and I can't seem to stabilise my mental health long enough to focus on finishing my project but there's so many constant distractions, plus the twat side of my brain telling me I'm no good at it and there's no future in it. Just ****ing volatile and constantly wondering if I should have gone back on my meds a month ago. Ugh.

 

I really admire you for always fighting and not being content with taking the easy option. I wish you could see the urban.spaceman that we see. Is there anything you can plan for an evening somewhere? Like a mini reset?  A relative or friend you can go visit for the evening with your favorite tipple?

[Izzy]

Finding myself exploring the world of Stoicism more and more these days.

 

For whatever reason, this philosophy really appeals to me even though it's over 2300 years old.

 

Some wise words and teachings here IMO that if adopted, can maybe help peoples MH. 

 

 

 

[Daggers]

10 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Having a proper struggle the last few days. Really struggling to get this script done despite knowing it could change my life. I'm already a month over the deadline and I'm supposed to be handing in a second draft on the 10th. External events are really not helping. It was my aunties funeral last week after a full 6 weeks of waiting. My dad lost his sister a month after his lifelong mentor and his best friend of 65 years (one of my best friends too) 18 months ago. All cancer but two of them very sudden and very shocking. He's just not himself; doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. Grief is just hanging over the entire family at the minute. I'm really struggling to lose weight too. Working out really well with my PT at the gym but can't back it up with exercise as injured my Achilles about a year ago and the physio is £60 a pop. Would go to the docs about it but my surgery is a basket case - I've not seen him for 4 and a half years. I've been looking forward to this summer for so long as I have a stag do, a couple of big gigs and a wedding in Latvia but my employer let me down last minute on Friday so it's going to be an extremely tight one and I may have to drop something. Just feels like one thing after another, and I can't seem to stabilise my mental health long enough to focus on finishing my project but there's so many constant distractions, plus the twat side of my brain telling me I'm no good at it and there's no future in it. Just ****ing volatile and constantly wondering if I should have gone back on my meds a month ago. Ugh.

Stop, breathe. 
 

I can fully empathise. The important thing is you recognise stuff is spiraling - so this is the point to remember your coping strats, focus on the smaller stuff to get you productive and happy again. 
 

But then I guess you know this and commenting here is part of that. 
 

Or just “shut up, Dave”. 😁

[urban.spaceman]

11 hours ago, MPH said:

 

I really admire you for always fighting and not being content with taking the easy option. I wish you could see the urban.spaceman that we see. Is there anything you can plan for an evening somewhere? Like a mini reset?  A relative or friend you can go visit for the evening with your favorite tipple?

You're too kind. I have thought about a mini-break soon but it's a bit beyond me at the minute. I might go and stay with my cousin - my auntie's daughter - in Walsall as we've always talked about it but she's bipolar and constantly struggling. Might do a cinema trip this weekend or just a full day in town wandering from cafe to pub to cinema.

 

1 hour ago, Daggers said:

Stop, breathe. 
 

I can fully empathise. The important thing is you recognise stuff is spiraling - so this is the point to remember your coping strats, focus on the smaller stuff to get you productive and happy again. 
 

But then I guess you know this and commenting here is part of that. 
 

Or just “shut up, Dave”. 😁

Shut up Dave.

 

I'm going to try and break the spiral this week - going to my sister's tomorrow night to practice pitching my film and maybe round a friend's house on Friday. I think it might just be pressure from this course I don't know

[casablancas]

7 hours ago, Izzy said:

Finding myself exploring the world of Stoicism more and more these days.

 

For whatever reason, this philosophy really appeals to me even though it's over 2300 years old.

 

Some wise words and teachings here IMO that if adopted, can maybe help peoples MH. 

 

 

 

I reference this in clinics depending on the patient and presenting need etc. 

[STEVIE B]

On 27/05/2024 at 21:10, FoxesDeb said:

I really hope nobody thinks this is inappropriate,  I will happily delete it if so, but I wanted to show you all.

 

I've had my first, and probably only, tattoo done this evening. If you can't tell from the photos, and they're not the best, it's round my ankle, with Ellis' name at the back.

 

I'm really pleased with it, it's exactly what I wanted. The hardest thing though is that I really want to be able to show him 

That's so nice. I have no idea of the pain that you're suffering, but small steps is the way forward. This is is definitely one of many. Best wishes. 

[FoxesDeb]

On 20/05/2024 at 13:55, jgtuk said:

Well, after the death of my fil and potentially losing everything we own I’m being pushed to a place I don’t want to be. My wife is inconsolable, she’s an only child and lost her dad only weeks ago and now this. She hasn’t eaten or drank properly since Saturday and is barely sleeping, in constant tears. I’ve never seen her like this. 
Most of the legal advice I’ve had is pretty horrendous, best case £750, 000 plus legal fees of £120,000 if we manage to make the injured party partly responsible. 
Apparently next to no chance of winning outright. 
These are specialist solicitors. 
Have an appointment with a very aggressive (and expensive) barrister on 29th as he’s on holiday until then. 

How are you both getting on, is there any more news from the barrister? I know Kenny posted something potentially positive recently, fingers crossed you've had some more hopeful advice since this post, and most importantly, I hope you're both doing OK

[Wymsey]

9 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

How are you both getting on, is there any more news from the barrister? I know Kenny posted something potentially positive recently, fingers crossed you've had some more hopeful advice since this post, and most importantly, I hope you're both doing OK

I was wondering how you were coping, after the awful tragedy you went through quite recently which you mentioned on here.

 

Hope the bereavement process is slowly getting better, may I ask?

Edited 4 June by Wymsey

[FoxesDeb]

7 minutes ago, Wymsey said:

I was wondering how you were coping, after the awful tragedy you went through quite recently which you mentioned on here.

 

Hope the bereavement process is slowly getting better, may I ask?

Yes of course you may ask, and it's lovely of you to think of me 

 

If I'm completely honest some days are OK and I think I'm coping well, then sometimes it hits me by what literally feels like a ton of bricks, so much that I fully understand where the phrase comes from.

 

Just the other day we needed to venture in to our garage, which is more of a store room, and Ellis' swimming shorts were on view. All my mind was filled with afterwards were my memories of him wearing said shorts, and with that the knowledge that I'll never see him, ever again. It's really hard to comprehend that I will never again see my little boy 

 

But on the whole life has to go on, and it does, it's just constantly tinged with sadness and regret, things I know Ellis would not have forseen, otherwise he would not have done what he did.

 

Sorry Wymsey you probably wish you hadn't asked now, but it's good sometimes to get things down, and this is a great place for that.

[Parafox]

10 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

Yes of course you may ask, and it's lovely of you to think of me 

 

If I'm completely honest some days are OK and I think I'm coping well, then sometimes it hits me by what literally feels like a ton of bricks, so much that I fully understand where the phrase comes from.

 

Just the other day we needed to venture in to our garage, which is more of a store room, and Ellis' swimming shorts were on view. All my mind was filled with afterwards were my memories of him wearing said shorts, and with that the knowledge that I'll never see him, ever again. It's really hard to comprehend that I will never again see my little boy 

 

But on the whole life has to go on, and it does, it's just constantly tinged with sadness and regret, things I know Ellis would not have forseen, otherwise he would not have done what he did.

 

Sorry Wymsey you probably wish you hadn't asked now, but it's good sometimes to get things down, and this is a great place for that.

 

Bravery, right there in one post. 

[jgtuk]

15 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

How are you both getting on, is there any more news from the barrister? I know Kenny posted something potentially positive recently, fingers crossed you've had some more hopeful advice since this post, and most importantly, I hope you're both doing OK

Thanks for asking, it's difficult working things out alone.

It's been a slow process, just gathering data and any evidence to strengthen our defence. My barrister was away over half term so I didn't achieve much.

I have had lot's of phone conversations with different professionals and their advice ranges from "won't touch it with a bargepole" to "lets build an aggressive case to counter with"...

One really good contact I've had passed on to me is an ex police chap who was very high up in anti corruption (inside and outside the force) and now works as a private investigator. I'm being interviewed by him tomorrow so he can build my case from my perspective and then investigate the claimant and the contractors who employed him.

His contact and network list is incredible!

He is very positive and that immediately helped our anxiety levels. Not looking forward to a 6 hour interview though...

 

These comments from you and other forum users mean a lot - it can be quite lonely and frightening when I can't easily show negativity to my wife - she needs my support not an emotional wreck!!

Thanks again.

 

 

[HighPeakFox]

DMs always open @jgtuk

[MPH]

On 27/05/2024 at 15:10, FoxesDeb said:

I really hope nobody thinks this is inappropriate,  I will happily delete it if so, but I wanted to show you all.

 

I've had my first, and probably only, tattoo done this evening. If you can't tell from the photos, and they're not the best, it's round my ankle, with Ellis' name at the back.

 

I'm really pleased with it, it's exactly what I wanted. The hardest thing though is that I really want to be able to show him 

 

 

 Oh No, Deb! weve just had all our Amish members quit on Mass!

 

 

 

( hope you're doing ok!)

[Trav Le Bleu]

1 hour ago, MPH said:

 

 

 Oh No, Deb! weve just had all our Amish members quit on Mass!

 

 

 

( hope you're doing ok!)

Oh yes, all those Amish people who are online