Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

Northants Fox 3

Northants Fox 3

Posted
Posted

Just got this from an on line game i'm playing, I know it's a bit old so it's not my fault

This is This Cat

This is is Cat

This is How Cat

This is To Cat

This is Keep Cat

This is An Cat

This is Idiot Cat

This is Busy Cat

This is For Cat

This is Forty Cat

This is Seconds Cat

Now go back and read the third word in each line fro top to bottom, Bet you can't resist passing on. :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DANGEROUS TIGER

DANGEROUS TIGER

Posted
Posted

Two explorers are hacking their way through the jungle, when they suddenly come to a clearing. In the middle of it is a large gold statue of an idol. In the forehead of the idol is a massive ruby. The stronger of the two explorers climbs up the idol, and takes out a knife to prise the ruby out. Suddenly the idol speaks, saying, "If you want the ruby, then I must be f---ed first" The explorer descends on hearing this, and informs his companion. They sit on a log, contemplating what to do next, when one of them says, "I know what we'll do. We will go back and get 'Dangerous Tiger'. Everyone knows he's an idol f---er.

Please note that I name myself, because I hate upsetting other people, as you all know. :crylaugh:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

Two explorers are hacking their way through the jungle, when they suddenly come to a clearing. In the middle of it is a large gold statue of an idol. In the forehead of the idol is a massive ruby. The stronger of the two explorers climbs up the idol, and takes out a knife to prise the ruby out. Suddenly the idol speaks, saying, "If you want the ruby, then I must be f---ed first" The explorer descends on hearing this, and informs his companion. They sit on a log, contemplating what to do next, when one of them says, "I know what we'll do. We will go back and get 'Dangerous Tiger'. Everyone knows he's an idol f---er.

Please note that I name myself, because I hate upsetting other people, as you all know. :crylaugh:

lol

basil_brush_narrowweb__300x4220.jpg

BOOM BOOM

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted

Top ten jokes from the Edinburgh Festival.

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again” – Tim Vine

“I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone” – Dave Gibson

“I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them” – Emo Philips

“I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid” – Jack Whitehall

“As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog” – Gary Delaney

“Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day” – John Bishop

“What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names” – Bo Burnham

“Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted” - Gary Delaney

“For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty” – Robert White

“Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…” – Gareth Richards

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Wymsey

Wymsey

Posted
Posted

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

:appl:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

My teenage son told me that he had s*x with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you used something though?"

He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"

:ph34r:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
skinnydipper

skinnydipper

Posted
Posted (edited)

Met a girl in the pub last night. She was absolutely gorgeous, well out of my league. Anyway, I bought her a couple of drinks, we got on like a house on fire and at the end of the evening she agreed to come back to my place. I sat on the sofa and ...., I felt really confused. Everything went woozy and I passed out. When I came to the next morning I felt like shit and she had gone. Must have drunk her ****in drink by mistake.

Edited by skinnydipper
Link to comment
Share on other sites
jonthefox

jonthefox

Posted
Posted

Met a girl in the pub last night. She was absolutely gorgeous, well out of my league. Anyway, I bought her a couple of drinks, we got on like a house on fire and at the end of the evening she agreed to come back to my place. I sat on the sofa and ...., I felt really confused. Everything went woozy and I passed out. When I came to the next morning I felt like shit and she had gone. Must have drunk her ****in drink by mistake.

wrong but :crylaugh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
AoWW

AoWW

Posted
Posted

Anyone who's ever tried to dress a child (no paedo jokes, please!) will relate to this...

The infant school teacher was helping one of the children put on his wellie boots...he'd asked for help and she could see why... even with her pulling and him pushing, the little wellies still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second wellie on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Miss, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the wellies off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the wellies back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my wellies!"

She bit her tongue rather than scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting wellies off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the wellies off when he said, "They're my brother's wellies, my Mum made me wear them."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the wellies onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your gloves?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my wellies."

She will be eligible for release in three years!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...