The joke thread

[FoxyPV]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pgZ8adAZ_0

[FoxyPV]

A student doctor asked his consultant "Why dont we perform smear tests on women over 75?"

The consultant replied, "Have you ever tried to open a cheese toastie!"

I texted this to my mate and he forwarded on to his dad (he knows his dad likes a sick joke) who rang him and chewed the balls off him - that's going to be your mum in ten years, how can you say stuff like this etc

[Unabomber]

My mother told me the other day how my great grandfather tragically died during the holocaust

He got drunk and fell out of the watch tower.

[Narborough_fox]

Mate sent this to me

I'm just downloading the Koran. Do you want me to burn you a copy?

[lcfcadam]

My mother told me the other day how my great grandfather tragically died during the holocaust

He got drunk and fell out of the watch tower.

Mate sent this to me

I'm just downloading the Koran. Do you want me to burn you a copy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sru20RDLeWo

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

Did you know that the man who designed the hospital gown was named Seymour Butt?

[Jackirius]

Did you know that the man who designed the hospital gown was named Seymour Butt?

Shocking.

[Narborough_fox]

What do you call an Indian with pink hair?

Gandhi floss!

[Facecloth]

Did you know that the man who designed the hospital gown was named Seymour Butt?

[FoxyPV]

Did you get that from inside a christmas cracker?

Edited 13 September 2010 by FoxyPV

[Narborough_fox]

Did you get that from inside a christmas cracker?

What me?

[DJ Barry Hammond]

The Americans have just announced that they have raised £35million for the Pakistan Flood victims.

I wonder how Pakistans 9/11 funds are coming along!

That just happens to be the price they got for England to win the second one day game - so they stuck the £35 Million on that

Edited 13 September 2010 by DJ Barry Hammond

[FoxyPV]

What me?

Yes, you. That was fooking awful.

[Messi]

Hahaha DJ Barry Hammond

Sorry I would quote it but I'm on my phone

[Wycombe Fox]

Apparently, Alex Ferguson had an 80's car themed party for his players.

Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes in a Sierra..... and Rooney chose to come in an Escort.

[Wycombe Fox]

Bloke walks into a brothel and says "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?"

The Madam replies £37.50.

He replies "WOW, what do i get for that?"

She says "A ****ing Derby shirt!"

[Zingari]

A man walks into a Library and says, "Oi bitch. I want a fooking book to learn some cnuting Spanish. Where the fook are they?"

Librarian says, "There's no need for that language, sir!"

He says, "You're probably right. They all speak fookin English anyway."

[Bilo]

I just sold some stuff to the Pope on Ebay.

I knew it was him when he used his papal account.

[skinnydipper]

George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before making them a hot chocolate nightcap. He is currently working on a new single about his time inside called 'Wank me off before your cocoa'!

[Zingari]

George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before making them a hot chocolate nightcap. He is currently working on a new single about his time inside called 'Wank me off before your cocoa'!

[Narborough_fox]

1] I started my new part time job working in the local snooker cue factory last night.

The pays nothing special, but we make some great tips.

2] The Commonwealth Games are going from bad to worse, reptiles in rooms,unfinished building work, I think the first event will be Snakes and Ladders

3] I'm working on a joke about milk going off.

It's a bit cheesy though

4] I've opened a convenience store just for midgets, but i've put everything on the top shelves.

Keeps them on their toes.

[Mee]

What do you call a shaven policewomen?

Cunt Stubble.

Edited 28 September 2010 by JoeLCFC

[rico]

man comes home and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death.

his mrs says "fooking carry on like that and you won't have any mates left!"

[Facecloth]

Apparently the organiser of the Commonwealth Games in Delhi is so depressed at what's happened, he's tried to hang himself.

But the ceiling collapsed.

[jonthefox]

I really dont get this chilean big brother.

Have they all won or something.