The joke thread

[cambridgefox]

Little lad runs in from school shouting"mum,mum ive just had sex with my English teacher"

The mum is fuming,sends him to his room and says"you wait till youre father gets home"

The father gets home and hears his story,rushes to his lads room and says"well done son,this is a moment to celebrate,fish and chips for dinner,and you can have a new football and a new bike that i promised you"

The lad says "great,but can we hold on with the bike,my arse is killing me"

[Danny the Fox 95]

Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees,

Apparently she'd stood him up.

That was brilliant! Cannot stop laughing!

[Danny the Fox 95]

I remember when I played Noah in the school play - ah, the memories are flooding back!!!

[Danny the Fox 95]

Reason why Alex McLeish left Birmingham!! Mcleish told Carson Yeung to get six defenders, Yeung gets him Marlon King! McLesh says to Yeung, No I want six defenders not sex offenders!!

Edited 27 June 2011 by Danny the Fox 95

[Danny the Fox 95]

I remember when I played Noah in the school play - ah, the memories are flooding back!!!

[Rocket-Ron]

Reason why Alex McLeish left Birmingham!! Mcleish told Carson Yeung to get six defenders, Yeung gets him Marlon King! McLesh says to Yeung, No I want six defenders not sex offenders!!

Unlucky

[rico]

i was in the car with this bird last night and the flirting was getting quite intense when she said to me "fook me in the sh1thole!"

i said "no way! i'm not driving all the way to Coventry at this time of night! "

[Head Honcho]

i was in the car with this bird last night and the flirting was getting quite intense when she said to me "fook me in the sh1thole!"

i said "no way! i'm not driving all the way to Coventry at this time of night! "

[Head Honcho]

Just reading about that woman who was attacked by a load of mime artists.Apparently the acts they performed were unspeakable!!

[Wherethefoxhat?]

Doing a charity gig for people who struggle to acieve oan orgasm .........don't worry if you can't come !!!

[Wherethefoxhat?]

OMG ....Sory that should say....

Doing a charity gig for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm.........don't worry if you can't come !! DOH !!!

[cambridgefox]

saw my doctor today and showed him the rash on my knob.

He said "can you book an appointment at the surgery"

His wife and kids were a bit upset as they walked away down the high street.!

Edited 28 June 2011 by cambridgefox

[RumbleFox]

Why has Noddy got a bell on his hat?

Because he's a cvnt. X

Edited 28 June 2011 by RumbleFox

[LCFC_FAN_1995]

David Haye........ englands answer to Andy Murray

[LCFC_FAN_1995]

David Haye, the man to introduce diving to boxing..

[Bob Weasel Fox]

The mrs has just bought a new pair of Meat Loaf knickers. . . . . . . .On the front it says . . . . . I would do anything for love

and on the back it says . . . . . . . . But i wont do that !

[m00nie]

when asked his favourite grooming product in a recent survey at boots the chemist

Facebook or twitter was the reply from ex Hearts player Craig Thomson

[The Doctor]

Time for an incredibly shit joke:

A bloke hit me round the face with a broom then ran off shouting about disco-dancing with rapists.

Turns out he was a manic street sweeper.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

The job interviewer asked . . . ."Whats your name?"

"Colin fvcking barsteward Wilson" came the reply

"Do you suffer from tourettes Colin?" asked the interviewer

"No but the vicar at my christening did"

[Wycombe Fox]

My budgie broke it's legs the other day so I made some splints out of two Swan Vestas.

You should have seen his face light up when he tried to walk

[Bob Weasel Fox]

My budgie broke it's legs the other day so I made some splints out of two Swan Vestas.

You should have seen his face light up when he tried to walk

You sicko . . . . . .

[NewquayFox]

So the Becks called there latest kid Harper Seven, just reminds of a bloke i knew with a lisp telling me what time City kicked off...

[Salieri]

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he has had, he started counting then fell asleep.

[Salieri]

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me was desperate to get a rodgering! It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my cock out that I realised she wanted to rent out her spare room.

[The Year Of The Fox]

Whats the similarity between KFC and sex?

Once you've nibbled the leg and the breast theres always a soggy box to put your bone in