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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Bob Weasel Fox

Bob Weasel Fox

Posted
Posted

Doctor Dan had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dan, don't cry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

Dan............. Dan............. Dan.............You're a veterinarian."

Your an animal with jokes like that :whistle:

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Rincewind

Rincewind

Posted
Posted

An old couple were having sex against a fence. After 20 minutes the bloke collapse exhausted. The woman says 'That was fantastic how come you couldnt do that 20 years ago?'

The bloke replies ''20 years ago this fecking fence wasnt electric.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple take the mother to a nursing home. She is sat in a chair by a window with a view of a beutiful garder. The couple leave the old gal in the care of two nurses. After a while she starts leaning to the right and the nurses immediately rush to sit her up straight. Sometime later she starts leaning to the left and again the attentive nurses again sit her up straight.

When the couple return the ask her 'How was your day?'

She replies 'Very nice, but the bastards wouldn't let me fart.'

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StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted

A pregnant woman from Vancouver gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Quebec came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"

She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew. "

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The Doctor

The Doctor

Posted
Posted

There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Denise is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Denise surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Denise.

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

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