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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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flowwolf

flowwolf

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hope you gave it a good clean - they can get sweaty and smelly enough as it is.

Your watch that is, not your significant others clout.

It's ok it's water proof and any way I work on a Fish stall. On that subject there's a old blind man who walks past our stall every morning , He raises his hat and says " morning ladies "

Edited by flowwolf
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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

I think I've missed something :/

if you're referring to my post then Harry Rednapp used lack of writing ability as his defence in his fraud case.

From the same blog

Seems like our ‘Arry’s key defence in his tax-swindling trial is that he, and I quote, “writes like a two-year old”, “can’t spell” and is “the most disorganised man in the world” ergo there’s no way he could’ve diddled Her Majesty (so to speak) out of the tax due on a ‘misc. payment’ of £189,500. Sounds water-tight to me and I’ve watched ‘A Few Good Men’ and ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ so I know a thing or two.

Redknapp also admitted that he’s so shit at staying in the lines when he’s colouring-in that he can’t even fill out the Spurs teamsheet come matchday, as this irrefutable evidence will duly attest to your honour…

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Jimmy

Jimmy

Posted
Posted

if you're referring to my post then Harry Rednapp used lack of writing ability as his defence in his fraud case.

From the same blog

Seems like our ‘Arry’s key defence in his tax-swindling trial is that he, and I quote, “writes like a two-year old”, “can’t spell” and is “the most disorganised man in the world” ergo there’s no way he could’ve diddled Her Majesty (so to speak) out of the tax due on a ‘misc. payment’ of £189,500. Sounds water-tight to me and I’ve watched ‘A Few Good Men’ and ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ so I know a thing or two.

Redknapp also admitted that he’s so shit at staying in the lines when he’s colouring-in that he can’t even fill out the Spurs teamsheet come matchday, as this irrefutable evidence will duly attest to your honour…

bloody hell dave that was a bit small

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ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted

if you're referring to my post then Harry Rednapp used lack of writing ability as his defence in his fraud case.

From the same blog

Seems like our ‘Arry’s key defence in his tax-swindling trial is that he, and I quote, “writes like a two-year old”, “can’t spell” and is “the most disorganised man in the world” ergo there’s no way he could’ve diddled Her Majesty (so to speak) out of the tax due on a ‘misc. payment’ of £189,500. Sounds water-tight to me and I’ve watched ‘A Few Good Men’ and ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ so I know a thing or two.

Redknapp also admitted that he’s so shit at staying in the lines when he’s colouring-in that he can’t even fill out the Spurs teamsheet come matchday, as this irrefutable evidence will duly attest to your honour…

Ahh I see, thanks for clearing that up.

Oh and sorry for making you have to explain.. lol

I'm sure I would've laughed if I knew that before I read it

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cambridgefox

cambridgefox

Posted
Posted

Hope i have not posted this before but its one of my favorite jokes.

I was walking on a beach when i saw a women with no arms or legs.Feeling sorry for her i walked up to her and started to chat.Things soon moved on so i said

"have you ever been hugged before?"

She said "no" so i gave her a hug"that was lovely" she replied.

"have you ever been kissed?" i said.

Again the answer was no,so i gave her a kiss.

"that was lovely" she replied.

Then i said"have you ever been fooked?"

"no" she said with a smile on her face.

"you will in 5 mins,the tides coming in"

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

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Posted

I took my wife to Barcelona last year. It was lovely, but one day a terrorist broke into our hotel room, rifled my wife's underwear and sorted them into two piles.

Apparently he was a Basque seperatist.

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Wherethefoxhat?

Wherethefoxhat?

Posted
Posted

When Paddy was asked why his chicken farm continued to struggle he replied ....

"Well,i think i'v narrowed it down to one of two things.....i'm either planting them too deep or too far apart !!! "

When Paddy was asked why he was still blaming the size of his squad on the fact his team were still conceding so many goals from set pieces he replied.....

"Well,i think it's down to the fact their all five foot two !!!"

When Paddy was asked why he'd refused to climb up the beam of Mick's new powerful torch the other evening he replied......

"Well,i know Mick .......and when i'd have got halfway up he'd have turned the light out !!!"

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