The joke thread

[Tielemans63]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.    

[Gold Coast Fox]

What do you call a prostitute with no legs?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A cash and carry

Edited 8 February 2012 by Gold Coast Fox

[UpTheLeagueFox]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.

I'm nicking that for my page next week - fookin love that !

[acooling08]

www.conjunctivitis.com

Now there's a site for sore eyes.

Edited 9 February 2012 by acooling08

[StanSP]

.

Edited 9 February 2012 by StanSP

[MPH]

www.conjunctivitis.com

Now there's a site for sore eyes.

gotta love TimeVIne.... one of my favorite comedians.....

[General Smuts]

Awooga. Classic.

[davieG]

[Wherethefoxhat?]

I was in the supermarket the other day when a rather attractive woman smiled at me and said "Hello".

I was rather taken aback because i just could'nt place where i knew her from . "Do i know you ?" i asked .

"I think your'e the father of one of my kids !" she exclaimed.

My mind raced back to the only time i'd ever been unfaithful to my wife and i said "Ahhh...you must be the stripper from the stag -do i shagged on the pool table whilst all my mates shouted encouragement !"

She looked at me and said calmly "No,i'm your sons schoolteacher !"

[Greg2607]

I've been invited to the local Premature Ejaculation Society Annual Do. I've asked the organiser what to wear................."come in your pants" he said.

[cambridgefox]

i was helping this attractive lady carry her bags in the supermarket car park.

i turned to her and said"wheres your car?"

She grabbed me looked me in the eye and said"ive got an itchy pussy"

I said"you will have to show me love,i cant tell one japanese car from another"

[Wherethefoxhat?]

I'v just been run over by a lorry salting the roads.

"I'll get you you bastards " i said through gritted teeth !

[Tielemans63]

My mate said to me "your always pushing me around and talking behind my back", I said "You're in a wheelchair you twat."

[foxfanazer]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.    

Haha brilliant

[Bob Weasel Fox]

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble squares earlier today

Going for a shite could spell trouble

[Mission Unlikely Promotion]

www.conjunctivitis.com

Now there's a site for sore eyes.

[Tfox]

Why was Whitney Houston like Freddie Mercury??

They both died as a result of going on massive benders.

[Mission Unlikely Promotion]

Whitney Houston won an impressive 6 grammys in 14 years

Slightly less impressive was her recent attempt at 6 grams in 14 minutes

[Tfox]

In a failed attempt to help whitney houston before she died, not even Gavin from Autoglass could fix her crack problem!

[MPH]

Well its valentines day tomorrow and i have gone all out and bought the wife a new bag and new belt.. By this time tomorrow the hoover should be working great!

[Rincewind]

I have sent nothing and will receive nothing. Saved money all round.

[Wherethefoxhat?]

When i was young my mum used to send me out covered in cream and put a cherry on top of my head !!!

Yes ......it was hard growing up in the gateaux !!!

[MikeyT]

When i was young my mum used to send me out covered in cream and put a cherry on top of my head !!!

Yes ......it was hard growing up in the gateaux !!!

Oooh dear.

[lcfcadam]

When i was young my mum used to send me out covered in cream and put a cherry on top of my head !!!

Yes ......it was hard growing up in the gateaux !!!

Brilliant that is!

[Wherethefoxhat?]

Did you hear about the gay dyslexic?

Feeling really horny .......thinks it's Vaseline Day !