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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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RobHawk

RobHawk

Posted
Posted

Following the sacking of David Moyes, Ryan Giggs has been installed as Caretaker Manager as he is the longest serving member of staff.


As second longest serving member, Howard Webb has been lined up as his assistant.


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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted

After denying claims he's in line for the Man Utd job,Juergen Klopp has confirmed his brother Kliperty is interested!

 

 

Kliperty Klopp in the saddle for the ManUre job? Neigh, lad! Get your blinkers off! He'd be a shoe-in for Derby, though.

 

His exotic love life could be a problem, though. Sees himself as the stud king and keeps having a mare. So they might need to rein him in and make sure he doesn't get his oats too often.

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ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
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Posted

The Bacon Tree 


Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Ees, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, wees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? Wees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath....

"Pepe... Go back, man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees....


Ees..... 

Ees....



Ees.... 

Ees... 


Ees.... 




Ees..... a ham bush...."

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kingcarr21

kingcarr21

Posted
Posted

The Bacon Tree 

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Ees, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, wees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? Wees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath....

"Pepe... Go back, man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees....

Ees..... 

Ees....

Ees.... 

Ees... 

Ees.... 

Ees..... a ham bush...."

lol

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kingcarr21

kingcarr21

Posted
Posted

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?†She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.â€

The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.â€

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Bob Weasel Fox

Bob Weasel Fox

Posted
Posted

The Bacon Tree 

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Ees, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, wees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? Wees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath....

"Pepe... Go back, man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees....

Ees..... 

Ees....

Ees.... 

Ees... 

Ees.... 

Ees..... a ham bush...."

very good lol

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Spudulike

Spudulike

Posted
Posted (edited)

Big argument kicked off down the travel agents today. Joined at the hip Siamese twins arguing about where they should go on holiday. One wanted to go to Cornwall the other France. I said Cornwall is really nice why do you want to go to France ?? He said that it was the only chance he got to drive.

Edited by Spudulike
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