The joke thread

[Beliall]

 

nicking that

[MPH]

Went to the doctor with really bad Sunburn on My Legs so he prescribed me some viagra.

Kept the sheets off my legs all night!!

[Rincewind]

Just been reminded of this one Not brilliant but what the hell

 

A teacher is addressing her class

 

'Now children, today I found a condom behind the radiator at the back  of the classroom and I would like to know how it got there.'

 

There is silence in the classroom.

 

'Well come on, ' said the teacher a little irritated,'one of you must know it did not just materialise there.'

 

Just then a hand at the back of the room was put up.

 

'Errr miss'

 

'Yes what is it Mathew'  what do you know about the found object'

 

'Err nothing I was just wondering'

 

'Well?'

 

'Please miss what's a radiator?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Sorry pass me my coat. Thanks moose you had it ready how thoughtful.

[Beliall]

Sorry ken.

[Rincewind]

Sorry ken.

Its me that should be sorry?

[Beliall]

I feel sorry on your behalf

[Rincewind]

I feel sorry on your behalf

Ok. Thanks

[Beliall]

Dont;

[Tielemans63]

I telephoned Southampton Football Club to ask them what time their game kicked off this evening.

The receptionist replied, "What time can you get here?"

[Large Frank]

Nice to see Alistair Cook did well at Southampton.

 

Liverpool have put in a bid.

[Trav Le Bleu]

I'm taking my Hebrew to Arabic Dictionary back. I can't find the word for "ceasefire."

[RonnieTodger]

Oscar Pistorius has sacked his legal team and hired Celtic's, as they lost both legs and still won.

[MikeyT]

This maths test can predict your all time hero, and the person you most aspire to be like. Try it without looking at the answers.

Pick a number between 1 and 9
Then x3
Then +3
Then x3 again.
You'll get a 2 digit number.
Add the two digits together to find the person you most aspire to be like.

1. Muhammed Ali
2. Alan Shearer
3. Bob Marley
4. Winston Churchill
5. Elvis Presley
6. Pele
7. John Lennon
8. Bobby Moore
9. Gary Glitter

[Rincewind]

John Lennon. I've always been bad at maths.

[Beliall]

Someone who attended the rincey school of comedy

[Tinman]

Garry Glitter.   

[Rincewind]

Garry Glitter.   

unlucky

[Guest]

pele - what's the joke?

[MooseBreath]

pele - what's the joke?

Your basic maths skills

[kingcarr21]

Your basic maths skills

[Guest]

 

What was funny?

[kingcarr21]

What was funny?

seriously??

 

try it again

[Alexikokopops]

What was funny?

 

[Guest]

seriously??

 

try it again

 

whoosh 

[Rincewind]

I tried it 4 times and got a different answer for 5 of them

Edited 12 August 2014 by Rincewind