Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

  • Popular Post
Rincewind

Rincewind

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an 84 year old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out.
I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 25 year old husband at home.
He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
Astonished I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She sobbed saying, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon".
Feeling a trifle jealous I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She replied "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.
Now really peeved, I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

 

 

Moose, go and fetch her home. She misses you.

 

Goodnight everyone. :)

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
FoxesAreBlue

FoxesAreBlue

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

A man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading.

The man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache"

The wife replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep"

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted (edited)
I know a guy who went to watch a match at Wimbledon and somehow got some strawberries stuck up his bum. 

 

 

 

 

He went to see his GP and he told him "Don't worry, I've got some cream for that".

Edited by Webbo
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Stadt

Stadt

Posted
Posted

Went to the Indian Takeaway last night.

Got a Balti, guy tipped it in a carrier bag. I complained he said

"We are not allowed to put Indians in containers any more"

Don't let Chris Filter see this
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted

I asked Bonnie Tyler if she would like some chocolate yesterday, and she said she would love some.

 

So I offered her a Bounty, but she refused, a Mars bar was refused and so was a Galaxy.

 

I asked her just exactly what kind of chocolate she would like. She replied that she would like some chocolate with bubbles in it.

 

Turns out she was holding out for an aero.

 

 

If George Michael hadn't been so inattentive, he might have beaten you to it, but he offered her a careless Wispa.

 

 

I bought Bonnie Tyler’s old car on ebay a few months ago.

It’s bloody awful, every now and then it falls apart.

 

 

She's a serial offender, that woman. I had exactly the same experience, except that I never even received the car.

When I contacted Ebay, I got a message saying that the package was lost in France.

 

 

In further news of 70s pop stars, Elton John's mansion has blown up. There were lewd comments after recent rumours that Elton has a massive flatulence problem.

However, the emergency services have confirmed that the cause of the disaster was just a candle in the wind.

 

Meanwhile, Donny Osmond became the latest big name to get caught up in the Jimmy Saville scandal, after he was arrested on dogging allegations in a layby in Battersea.

However, the police have accepted his explanation that it was just puppy love.

 

....and glam rockers Kenny have been banned from every football forum in the country. Despite warnings, they still persist in doing the bump.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Tinman

Tinman

Posted
Posted
Couple driving home and run over a badger. They get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold, and barely alive.

He says, "Put it between your legs to warm it up."

She says, "But it's all wet and it stinks."

He says, "Well hold its f***ing nose then!"

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...