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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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bovril

bovril

Posted
Posted

A woman is lying in bed waiting for her fella to come home and she hears a voice

 

'Izz you ready Liza?' and through the gap in the door appears the tip of a penis.

'I izz ready' Joshua' she replies.

Again a voice calls 'Izz you ready Liza?' and three inches appears.

Liza answers again 'I  am ready and waiting Joshua

Another call  and six more inches appears.

Liza answers with an excited tremour in her voice 'I -I  sur-re am ready darling

Another 3 inches appears and Liza shouts 'Now stop a-fooling about Joshua and get right on in here'

Joshua replies 'OK sweetheart I'm a-coming up the stairs now.'

 

 

Flashbacks to Jim Davidson at the Princess Theatre Hunstanton.

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city187

city187

Posted
Posted

What do you call a scouser in a suit?

The defendant.

lol lol

Just bought a Liverpool FC advent calendar. ****ing typical, all the windows are boarded up and some c*nts nicked all the f**king chocolate

What do you call a scouser in a suit?

The defendant.

lol lol

Just bought a Liverpool FC advent calendar. ****ing typical, all the windows are boarded up and some c*nts nicked all the f**king chocolate

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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
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Posted
The  Reverend John Flapps,

was the pastor of a small town church in Ireland..

One day he was walking down the High Street,

and he noticed a young lady of his congregation,

sitting in a pub drinking beer. 

The Reverend wasn't happy.

He walked through the open door of the pub,

and sat down next to the woman.

'Mrs Fitzgerald,' he said sternly.

'This is no place for a member of my congregation.

Why don't you let me take you home?'

'Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar,

she began to weave  back and forth. 

 

The Reverend realized,

that she'd had far too much to drink,

and grabbed her arms to steady her.

When he did,

they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around for a few moments,

the Reverend wound up on top Of Mrs. Fitzgerald,

her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said,

'Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub.' 

 

The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said,

'But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps.'

The landlord nodded and said,

'Oh  well,

if you're that far in,

you might as well finish.'  

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

 

The  Reverend John Flapps,
was the pastor of a small town church in Ireland..
One day he was walking down the High Street,
and he noticed a young lady of his congregation,
sitting in a pub drinking beer. 
The Reverend wasn't happy.
He walked through the open door of the pub,
and sat down next to the woman.
'Mrs Fitzgerald,' he said sternly.
'This is no place for a member of my congregation.
Why don't you let me take you home?'
'Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar,
she began to weave  back and forth. 
 
The Reverend realized,
that she'd had far too much to drink,
and grabbed her arms to steady her.
When he did,
they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few moments,
the Reverend wound up on top Of Mrs. Fitzgerald,
her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The pub landlord looked over and said,
'Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub.' 
 
The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said,
'But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps.'
The landlord nodded and said,
'Oh  well,
if you're that far in,
you might as well finish.'  

 

 

That doesn't even rhyme.

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