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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Rincewind

Rincewind

Posted
Posted

A bloke arranges to meet a girl he matched up with on  a dating internet site. She turns out to be pretty hot. After wining and dining her on a night out in Leicester he takes her home for coffee. Soon they are having fantastic sex several times during the night.

In the morning she slides her hand under the quilt,smiles at him  and squeezes his balls, turns to him and says 'Do you like that?'

'Ooh yes,  please do me some more.' he replies'

She smiles again and says 'Me too, I miss  mine.'

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Mike Oxlong

Mike Oxlong

Posted
Posted

I came home from work early to find my wife without any clothes on.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Erm... I thought we could have a bit of fun," she replied. "Let's play naked hide and seek."

"You're on!" I said, stripping as I ran upstairs. "I'll hide first!"

I went into our bedroom and opened the wardrobe door. My mate Dave was sat there in the nude.

"I'm really sorry, mate," he said.

"Don't worry," I giggled. "I'll hide under the bed!"

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

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I'm living a nightmare. My next-door neighbour is the world's most ardent Forest fan.

 

Last week, he ripped out a whole stretch of his front lawn. He then laid a series of paving stones leading to his front door. Each paving stone was decorated with an image of Stuart Pearce.

 

I've got a proper Psycho path next door to me.

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted

I went to the Doctors today and he said I was suffering from Paranoia.

Well he didn't exactly say it, but I knew what the cvnt was thinking...

 

 

My mate suffers from that piranhoia, too. He has an irrational belief that he's going to be attacked by razor-toothed fish.

 

 

Saw Shakespeare's 'Richard III' play the other night, so decided to have a marquee put up in the garden with some funky music & flashing lights in it.

 

Now is the winter of our disco tent.

 

 

Is that the garden of your mock Tudor mansion in Bosworth?

 

Must be annoying that your pet dog keeps wandering into the marquee. I've heard you shouting "Out, damned Spot! Out, I say!"

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