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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, Buce said:

Yep.

 

I got it about 10 seconds after posting - a Doh! moment, I'm afraid.

 

.....and you got the rep point!

 

I am not appreciated and hereby officially throw a prima donna hissy fit! :D

 

p.s. Now we need a new facility to give a rep point to a rep point!!

Edited by Alf Bentley
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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

.....and you got the rep point!

 

I am not appreciated and hereby officially throw a prima donna hissy fit! :D

lol Yeah, I've just seen it.

 

Maybe @Separator will amend it?

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, separator said:

Nope. Made me laugh. Plus I can't speak german so that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. 

 

Quite right! There's more to life than rep points.

 

Let's get back to the jokes.

 

Did you hear the one about the Englishman, the Irishman and the Scotsman?

 

No, me neither. A loud train was going by and drowned it out.

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted

A Grizzly bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a Scotch and.......................................................water, please".

 

"Sure thing", the barman replies, "but why the bid pause.."

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Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted
44 minutes ago, Buce said:

My missus told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti.

 

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta..

 

I built a car out of Welsh cheese.

 

I had to drive it Caerphilly.

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Smudge

Smudge

Posted
Posted (edited)
On August 18, 2016 at 14:05, Webbo said:

Crikey if I didn't post crap jokes I'd only have 4 posts.

Ok here's the joke.

 

A guy was found floating next to his upturned yacht in the Atlantic, the waters were freezing and he was near death when this liner spotted him not far from the English Coast

 

The man, wrapped in blankets and supping hot tea, when the captain walked into the ship's hospital room and said "You are the luckiest man alive"

Oh no I'm not, He retorted. "My wife has left me and run off with my best friend. They took the children and my dog. The house was in her name and all I owned was that small boat. Now I have nothing!" He sobbed.

 

Well never mind you're safe now and you can start anew in America.

 

At that he cheered up and said, thank you Captain err?

 

"Smith".  The captain replied. "Master of RMS Titanic!!!

 

Edited by Smudge
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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, bovril said:

How many Freudian psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Two. One to change the light bulb, the other to hold the Mum..ladder. I meant ladder. Hold the ladder.

 

Or, how many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Just the one - but the light bulb has to really want to change..

 

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bovril

bovril

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, Buce said:

Or, how many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Just the one - but the light bulb has to really want to change..

 

How many EFL teachers does it take to ________ a light bulb?

Edited by bovril
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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, bovril said:

How many EFL teachers does it take to ________ a light bulb?

How many hippies does it take etc.

 

Two. One to change the bulb, the other to share the experience, maaaan..

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Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, Buce said:

How many hippies does it take etc.

 

Two. One to change the bulb, the other to share the experience, maaaan..

 

Blah blah ...   And how many Irishmen ?  

 

230.  One to hold the light bulb and 229 to turn the room around .

 

Boom boom ! ...   The old ones are the best !   :)

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted
6 hours ago, Countryfox said:

The last time I was watching the London Marathon I saw one runner dressed as a chicken and one runner dressed as an egg ....    I thought :  This could be interesting.

I entered a Marathon once. Spent days afterwards picking the peanuts out of my foreskin. 

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