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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
I bet that's what you're hoping.

Well, after you have done the traditional method and the "Making a playdoh sausage method" for the best part of 7 years, I'll listen to any ideas. Anyway, this is a joke forum , so...

A man’s running his eye over a menu in a restaurant when his attractive waitress asks him what he’d fancy. “A quickie, please” “Sir,” she says, “I’ll ask you one more time, is there anything that takes your fancy?” “Yes,” says the man again. “A quickie.” Outraged she slaps him across the face and storms back across the restaurant in a huff. “Mate,” says the guy at the next table, “it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

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Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted

A woman goes to the doctor. “These hormone tablets you’ve put me on are having some weird side-effects,” she moans.

“Really?” asks the doctor. “What do you mean?”

“For some reason I’ve now got hair all over my chest” She says

“How far does it go down?”

“That’s the worst bit,” she says. “All the way down to my bollocks.”

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Jack

Jack

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Posted

Paddy and Mick are in jail, Mick looks through the bars of Paddy's cell to see him hanging by his feet

Mick: Paddy,what are you doing?

Paddy : I'm trying to hang myself

Mick: Surely the rope should be around your neck Paddy?

Paddy: I tried that Mick, but i couldn't breathe.

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4 Kinell

4 Kinell

Posted
Posted

A man and a woman go on a romantic week-end together.

There double room reservation is messed up & they have to settle for an attic room with 2 single beds & a raised beam on the foor between them.

When they switch off the light ,the man says "HOW ABOUT IT THEN?"

The woman agrees but crossing the floor painfully stubs her toe on the raised beam.

The man hears her cry out in pain but comforts her by saying "oh diddums,did you hurt your little tootsie wootsies then,come in my bed & let me kiss & rub them better for you."

She lies next to him & they proceed to have an hour of wonderful sex.

On the way back to her bed,she does no more than stub her toe again on the raised beam.

On hearing her cry of pain the man shouts "Jesus Christ can't you pick your bloody feet up " :thumbup:

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Joe.

Joe.

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Posted

Got this in an e-mail today, thought it was quite good:

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

'How long will this take?' I asked.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your arse, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again. Although, he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw

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