Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

l444ry

l444ry

Posted
Posted

A Frog, Thought to be Extinct, Found in Australian Tropics!

The man, now known as the Armoured Mist Frog, immediately surrendered when confronted by a superior force. Last seen in 1991, the man said he had been living off snails since emigrating from the EU.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
fox123

fox123

Posted
Posted

Mick says to paddy 'Close the curtains the next time your shagging your wife'

'Why asks Paddy?'

'Because yesterday when you were shagging her the whole street was out, watching and laughing at you!'

'Well' says paddy 'the jokes on them stupid twats I wasn't even home yesterday'

Link to comment
Share on other sites
fox123

fox123

Posted
Posted

Little girl takes a bath with her nan, she points down and says "Whats that?"

The nan replies "that's my beaver!"

Next day little girl is in bath with her mum, points down and says "I know what that is, that's your beaver!"

"Oh Yea" Mum replies, "how do you know that!?"

Little girl replies "Nan told me, but I think her's is dead, it's tongue is hanging out"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DB11

DB11

Posted
Posted

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game golf.

Of course, the Wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologise, and see how much your lousy drive

is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked

on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: Glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A large black man was sitting on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, we are, I'm afraid. We're very sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you one wish each, but if you don't mind, I will keep the last one for myself.

"Wow, that's great", the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million pounds a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.

And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life. And now you, young Lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said.

"And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have s*x with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Well Darling, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.

Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, Dear?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop s*x, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"We're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
NewquayFox

NewquayFox

Posted
Posted

2 Gays in bed,Rupert starts to rub some Vaseline on his chest,Justin says "what are you doing? Rupert replies "I read in a magazine that rubbing Vaseline in will make my hair grow and i quite fancy a hairy chest" Justin says "Dont talk stupid Rupert,if that was the case I would have a feckin pony tail hanging out of my arse !!!! ;0) >_<

Link to comment
Share on other sites
General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted

A sophisticated looking Indian lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits

down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated lady in his shop,

runs over immediately and asks if he could help her.

To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her silk sari and points to

her right inner thigh - very high up. 'Right here,' she says, 'I want you

to tattoo a claylamp and underneath it I want the word Diwali.'

Then she points to her left thigh just as high up and says, 'On this side,

I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel

on top and underneath it I want the word Christmas.'

The owner looks at her. 'Ooh, lady, it's none of my business, but that is

probably the most unusual request I've ever heard. Why in the world do you

want to do that?'

'Well,' the lady said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband always

complaining that there's never anything good to enjoy between Diwali and

Christmas.'

Link to comment
Share on other sites
fox123

fox123

Posted
Posted

Man driving down the road, Woman driving up the same road.

They Pass each other.

Man shouts "COW"

Woman yells out window "****"

Woman turns round a corner and crashes in to a huge cow and dies.

Molare of the story!? 'If only women would listen to men'

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Thracian

Thracian

Posted
Posted

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man, "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."

"We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...