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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted

To the tune of Don McClean's American Pie...

A long, long time ago,

I can still remember,

How the Carling Cup win made them smile,

And they knew this could be their chance,

To finally make that big advance,

And maybe, break the top 4 for a while.

But transfer windows made them shiver,

As Robbie Keane went off to Liver.....

Pool, and Berbs to Man U,

You can't believe it can you?

Tears of laughter we all cried,

As on Bent they have to rely,

And Frasier Campbell really tried,

The Day That Tottenham Died !

So my my kiss UEFA goodbye,

When Comoli sold the Goalie,

Well it made Levy Cry,

When you play for Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye,

Soon your gonna be a Magpie,

I bet you wish you were a Magpie.

Did your players eat the poisoned food,

To let Arsenal in and Spoil your mood,

If the fansite tells you so,

Do you believe in Chas n Dave,

Can their music save you from an early grave,

And can Dawson teach me how to run real slow,

Well, I knew you were set for a let down,

When the Spaniard signed the Blackburn clown,

You sacked poor Martin Jol,

And now everyone just laughs out loud,

I have long been laughing at your lack of luck,

Your delusion means I couldn't give a .....,

That to the table bottom you are stuck,

The day the Tottenham died,

I started singing........

So my my kiss UEFA goodbye,

When Comoli sold the goalie,

Well it made Levy cry,

When you play for Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye,

Soon your gonna be a Magpie,

I bet you wish you were a Magpie

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General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man

starts to yell louder,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts

the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of

brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

'You sign! You sign!'

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little

Chinese man back, shouting:

'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he

slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears

a knock on the door again.

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a

clipboard under his nose, shouting,

'You sign! You sign!'

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man

by his shirt front and yells at him:

'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong

name! Who do you want to give these to?'

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and

says:

(It's a beauty)

(Wait for it)

(Get your best Chinese accent ready)

'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

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Jack

Jack

Posted
Posted
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man

starts to yell louder,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts

the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of

brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

'You sign! You sign!'

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little

Chinese man back, shouting:

'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he

slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears

a knock on the door again.

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a

clipboard under his nose, shouting,

'You sign! You sign!'

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man

by his shirt front and yells at him:

'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong

name! Who do you want to give these to?'

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and

says:

(It's a beauty)

(Wait for it)

(Get your best Chinese accent ready)

'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

Impressive, Like that.

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dhermon

dhermon

Posted
Posted

Q. Two bogans jump off a cliff. Who wins?

A. Society.

Q. What does a bogan chick use as protection during sex?

A. Bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old bogan girl?

A. Granny.

Q. Why did the bogan cross the road?

A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a bogan girl in a white tracksuit?

A. The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a bogan quiz night?

A. What you looking at?

Q. Two bogans in a car without any music - who is driving?

A. The policeman.

Q. What's the difference between a bogan boy and a bogan girl?

A. The bogan girl has a higher sperm count.

:giggle:

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Alexikokopops

Alexikokopops

Posted
Posted
Q. Two bogans jump off a cliff. Who wins?

A. Society.

Q. What does a bogan chick use as protection during sex?

A. Bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old bogan girl?

A. Granny.

Q. Why did the bogan cross the road?

A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a bogan girl in a white tracksuit?

A. The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a bogan quiz night?

A. What you looking at?

Q. Two bogans in a car without any music - who is driving?

A. The policeman.

Q. What's the difference between a bogan boy and a bogan girl?

A. The bogan girl has a higher sperm count.

:giggle:

What the hell's a bogan?

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
What the hell's a bogan?

I had the same thought - Wiki

The term bogan (pronounced /ˈboʊgən/, rhyming with slogan) is Australian and New Zealand English slang, usually pejorative, for a person who is, or is perceived to be, of a lower-class background. According to the stereotype, the speech and mannerisms of "bogans" indicate, poor education, cheap clothing and uncultured upbringing. 'Bogans' usually reside in economically disadvantaged suburbs (often outer metropolitan) or rural areas[1]. The term is a close regional equivalent to the English term Chav or Pikey, Scottish term Ned, Irish term Scanger and the North American term White Trash. However the term 'bogan' is occasionally used with some affection in Australia/NZ, whereas those corresponding terms are not.

So it's just the age old chav/Essex girl joke. :dunno:

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dhermon

dhermon

Posted
Posted (edited)
I had the same thought - Wiki

So it's just the age old chav/Essex girl joke. :dunno:

Pretty much spot on Bogan Chav Redneck Hick Hillbilly Povs all very much alike :thumbup:

on second thoughts chavs might be a slightly higher form of life as they can afford hats and bling last time i checked a deck of smokes under sleeve of shirt/wife beater was not true blingage

Edited by dhermon
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Tabou

Tabou

Posted
Posted
Pretty much spot on Bogan Chav Redneck Hick Hillbilly Povs all very much alike :thumbup:

on second thoughts chavs might be a slightly higher form of life as they can afford hats and bling last time i checked a deck of smokes under sleeve of shirt/wife beater was not true blingage

I can relax safe in the knowledge that relevant forms of 'bling checking' are being conducted in a constructive manner.

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