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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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skinnydipper

skinnydipper

Posted
Posted

A man parks his car in a disabled space in a car park. The parking warden, who is on his first day in the job notices that there is no disability sticker on the car and taps on the window.

"Excuse me sir, do you know that you're parked in a disabled space ?"

"Yes"

"And you're not displaying a disabled sticker are you sir ?"

"No"

" Do you have a disability sir ?"

"Yes"

"Would you mind telling me what it is please sir ?"

"Tourettes. Now fook off"

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Raj

Raj

Posted
Posted

2 blokes in airport.

Both have lost their Mrs.

bloke 1"whats your Mrs look like?"

Bloke 2 "6 ft,blonde,big tits,long legs,wearing a mini skirt,high heels and micro top with no bra...Whats your Mrs look like?'

Bloke 1"fook my Mrs...we'll look for yours!" :D

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Thracian

Thracian

Posted
Posted

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

'Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

'Yes ,' whispered the small voice.

‘May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, 'No.'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?'

'Yes '

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No '

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

'Yes , ' whispered the child, 'a policeman.'

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

'No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

‘A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,

'The search team just landed a helicopter '

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

‘ME!’ .

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Bazaldo

Bazaldo

Posted
Posted

An old man goes to the chemist to buy a viagra.

"Can i have 6 tablets cut into quarters?"

Chemist replies " i can cut them for you but a quarter wont give you a full erection!"

To which the old man says " I'm 96, i don't want an erection i just want it sticking out far enough so i dont piss on mi slippers!"

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jonno24

jonno24

Posted
Posted

Me and the missus were well excited about our new holiday we booked a few months back.

and i have to commend the tour company on the authenticity of the experience.

As me and the missus werent let down by the Murder mystery weekend in Mumbai

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