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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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DB11

DB11

Posted
Posted

Husband and wife...

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!

Wife - Do you want me to leave?

Husband - No! Don't even think about it.

Wife - Do you love me?

Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!

Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?

Husband - No! Why are you even asking?

Wife - Will you kiss me?

Husband - Every chance I get!

Wife - Will you hit me?

Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!

Wife - Can I trust you?

Husband - Yes.

Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE:

Read from bottom to top...

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Asha

Asha

Posted
Posted (edited)
:appl: Now your ego's boosted you can advance to the 'Leicester City Forum'

I wouldn't dare, that's your territory surely.

I mean, how would anyone know who 'Dudley' in the loaned out thread was referring to without your input?

:whistle:

Edited by NSLL
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ASH17LCFC

ASH17LCFC

Posted
Posted

An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Pakistani : "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"

Indian (in a bad mood): " Of course."

Pakistani : (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."

The Pakistani has a smirk on his face.

The Indian listens in silence.

The Pakistani persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Indian : "Of Course."

Pakistani : (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling), "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India ."

The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan?"

Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Pakistani says with a big smirk.

Indian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used?"

Pakistani : "We throw them away, of course."

Indian : "We don't. In India , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan.

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Bilo

Bilo

Posted
Posted

An Arabian doctor said,'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor said,'That's nothing! In Germany , we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A Russian doctor said,'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for workin two weeks.'

The English doctor, not to be outdone, said,'Hah! We can take an arsehole out of Scotland , put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours.'

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JakeShingler

JakeShingler

Posted
Posted
An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Pakistani : "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"

Indian (in a bad mood): " Of course."

Pakistani : (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."

The Pakistani has a smirk on his face.

The Indian listens in silence.

The Pakistani persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Indian : "Of Course."

Pakistani : (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling), "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India ."

The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan?"

Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Pakistani says with a big smirk.

Indian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used?"

Pakistani : "We throw them away, of course."

Indian : "We don't. In India , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan.

An Arabian doctor said,'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor said,'That's nothing! In Germany , we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A Russian doctor said,'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for workin two weeks.'

The English doctor, not to be outdone, said,'Hah! We can take an arsehole out of Scotland , put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours.'

:crylaugh::crylaugh::crylaugh::crylaugh:

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jonno24

jonno24

Posted
Posted

A man is in the hospital after having an operation to remove his penis after an industrial accident. A doctor walks in and suggests that he have a transplant and reccomends a baby elephants trunk for £3000 the patient agrees.

3 weeks later and the man is having dinner with a young lady and all of a sudden feels a stirring coming from his trousers suddenly the trunk comes out of his pants grabs an apple and goes back in to his trousers. WOW says the woman clearly impressed could you do that again ? i could replies the man but i dont think my arse could take another apple.

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