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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted
Presidental Call

The President was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.

"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to contain himself, "There's good news & bad news."

"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."

"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."

"Gosh, and the good news?"

"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters & piss oil."

:welcome:

You'll fit right in lol

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l444ry

l444ry

Posted
Posted (edited)

Help for Jacqui Smith.

Jacqui Smith is to employ a "home secretary" to help her keep track of where she lives.

New Farming Crop Discovered.

A farmer from Ipswich recently made history by growing a field of dildos!

Unfortunately he has had a lot of trouble with squatters!

Police have been informed and eviction notices served.

Edited by l444ry
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DB11

DB11

Posted
Posted (edited)
lol no I wasn't jokin. That's frickin magic, how do you do that? Cheers Shingler

It's the spoiler tag :thumbup:

[spoiler]The text you want to be covered with black[/spoiler]

Will come out looking like:

The text you want to be covered with black

Highlight it to read :)

Edited by DB11
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Jimmy

Jimmy

Posted
Posted

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life.

********

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

********

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

*******

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

*******

I thought that I could love no other --

that is until I met your mother.

********

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

********

I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

*******

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

********

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

*********

My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

********

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts tequila, one part lime.

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Bert

Bert

Posted
Posted (edited)

A Jewish man applied for citizenship in Scotland, but was refused on account he was circumcised.

Apparently, you have to be a complete nob to be Scottish.

Edited by Bert
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