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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted

I wonder if anyone has tried this:

I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, "Do you sell bereavement cards?"

She said, "Yes, sir."

So I said, "Could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday?"

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welck12

welck12

Posted
Posted

Probarly already been posted but here goes...

Jade Goody has requested that her ashes be placed in 300 individual velvet purses and given to the mourners at her funeral.

Apparently she wants everyone to leave the crematorium with a goody bag...

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skinnydipper

skinnydipper

Posted
Posted

A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids...

'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?

'Yeah they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats.

'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'

'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.'

'OK, and who's next?'

'Well, this one he is Terry, also.'

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?'

Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An'

when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come

runnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry.'

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'

'I call them by their surnames!'

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l444ry

l444ry

Posted
Posted

An old woman strolls into her local dentist and takes of her clothes and underwear then raises her legs in the air and spreads them. The dentist say "Pardon me, madam but I'm not a gynacologist, im a dentist!" The elderly woman says, "I know, but I want you to get my husbands teeth out!"

A guy goes to his dentist's and asks him, "What's the best thing for yellow teeth?"

"How about a brown tie?" he replies.

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Smerklo

Smerklo

Posted
Posted
That's 10p you owe me, Copyright and all that. :P

haha, my bad :P

Here's another one (searched this time to make sure it hasn't been mentioned :P):

Why did Christiano Ronaldo want to transfer to Tottenham Hotspur?

Because he heard their strikers were Bent and Keane.

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