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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted
Truly 'orrible joke warning, apologies in advance ...

Did you hear that elton john is singing a memorial song for her funeral like at princess di's?

Cancer in the minge should be expected to reach number one

Am I bad person because I laughed at that :|??

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StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted

Dear Jackie,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter Jade. I can't stop thinking about her little boys.

All my love,

Gary Glitter

-------

In many ways, Big Brother is the present day equivalent of a 1980s Club 18-30 Holiday - flirting, sunbathing, silly little organised games, and lots of people you'd like to remove from the genepool with a cricket bat.

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Ultra

Ultra

Posted
Posted
Truly 'orrible joke warning, apologies in advance ...

Did you hear that elton john is singing a memorial song for her funeral like at princess di's?

Cancer in the minge should be expected to reach number one

:sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:

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Ultra

Ultra

Posted
Posted

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.

This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.

However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captain’s quarters.

He opened the safe, got the envelope, and opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left

Starboard Right

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Ultra

Ultra

Posted
Posted (edited)

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion.

A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear.

"Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!"

The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard."

The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear".

Edited by Ultra
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StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted

Jade Goody is one person who is definately hoping that Stephen Hawking bites the bullet.

She wants a computer to play with.

--------

Like most people my age,

I'm 18.

---------

Manchester City have sold Shaun Wright-Phillips to Madonna.

-----

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