Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

Father Ted

Father Ted

Posted
Posted

What does a Newcastle fan do after his team has just beaten Real Madrid in the Champions League?

Turn his Playstation off and gets into bed with his sister.

David Blaine is apparently gutted at the minute. He has discovered his 44 day record of doing fook all in a box has been smashed by Michael Owen.

An old one but still funny lol :

Six players were named in a drug scandal at Newcastle.

Shearer Cort Dyer Given Bellamy Speed.

Alan Shearer has announced that TAMPAX are the new sponsors of NEWCASTLE, spokesman says "to sponsor a bunch of fanny's going through a bad period."

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ultra

Ultra

Posted
Posted

A young blonde Newcastle girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Newcastle quayside.

As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by.

"You're not thinking of jumping, are you pet?" he asked.

"Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl.

Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.

"Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what, I'm sailing off for America tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night, and I'll look after you if you look after me - if you know what I mean."

The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night.

For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn.

Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and it's lifeboats...

He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.

The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America. One of the sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food

and water every night ... and he's screwing me."

The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his face and he replied..

"He certainly is pet, this is the South Shields Ferry!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jimmy

Jimmy

Posted
Posted

a man with a mask and a gun walks into a bank....a sperm bank that is...he tells the woman behind the counter at gunpoint to eat one of the cups of sperm behind her...out of total fear she complies...the gunman tells her again to promptly drink one of the cups swarming with spunk...naturally she complies....after she'd downed the second cup, the gunman took off his mask, and it was her boyfriend...."ha" he yelled..."you f**king well can swallow it!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Messi

Messi

Posted
Posted
a man with a mask and a gun walks into a bank....a sperm bank that is...he tells the woman behind the counter at gunpoint to eat one of the cups of sperm behind her...out of total fear she complies...the gunman tells her again to promptly drink one of the cups swarming with spunk...naturally she complies....after she'd downed the second cup, the gunman took off his mask, and it was her boyfriend...."ha" he yelled..."you f**king well can swallow it!"

Page 5 :rolleyes:

Why dont you read through the 101 pages before you post the same joke :whistle:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
Alcohol free lager.

It's like licking your sister's fanny. It tastes the same, but it's just not right.

I hope you're not speaking from experience?

Surely you've not been drinking alcohol free lager :o

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bert

Bert

Posted
Posted
What are the three most important things when a Girls Aloud music video is on the TV?

Your hand, some tissues and the mute button

That's about as funny as aids.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...