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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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the_bowman

the_bowman

Posted
Posted

Sorry this is so long, but it's brilliant!

Footballers life on facebook

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Bobby Zamora rejected Phil Brown's friend request

Fraizer Campbell rejected Phil Brown's friend request

Marc-Antoine Fortune rejected Phil Brown's friend request

Michael Owen rejected Phil Brown's friend request

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Arsene Wenger is not worried about his lack of transfers this summer as he has internal solutions 1 hour ago

Alexander Song Billong likes this

Visakri Diaby likes this

Denilson likes this

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Joleon Lescott has to go to work tomorrow : ( 13 minutes ago

Craig Bellamy has joined the group Money is ruining football

- Benjani likes this

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Alberto Aquilani: Oh no! I've just had my new house robbed!!!

Steven Gerrard, Jerzy Dudek, John-Arne Riise, Lucas Leiva, Dirk Kuyt, Peter Crouch, Jose Reina and Daniel Agger like this

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Sat'day random drinks n' antics lolZ

Ledley King has been tagged

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Ashley C can't find his fone, can some1 give it a buzz for us?

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Roque Santa Cruz is looking forward to starting on Saturday

Craig Bellamy is looking forward to starting on Saturday

Carlos Tevez is looking forward to starting on Saturday

Emmanuel Adebayor is looking forward to starting on Saturday

Robinho is looking forward to starting on Saturday

Benjani is looking forward to starting on Saturday

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Steven Gerrard hopes his 'groin' injury clears in time for Sunday z

Yesterday at 20:03 · Comment · Like

Ben Foster Ditto z

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Joleon Lescott became a fan of money.

Gareth Barry likes this

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Marcus Bent is hoping to start at Old Trafford - 1 hour ago

Sir Alex Ferguson Likes This.

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Andy Goram became friends with Andy Goram

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Jamie Redknapp is literally on facebook

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Frank Lampard is LOLing at Stevie G - 3 hours ago 3 comments

-Steven Gerrard ****** off Lamps

-Rio Ferdinand oi oi epic banter lads

-Steven Gerrard did he dedicate the banter to his Mum

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Mike Ashley My evil plan is almost complete.

Niall Quinn & Peter Reid like this.

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Glen Johnson is looking at new toilet seats in B&Q

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Tomas Rosisky is fit and loving life! can't wait for the new season 1 week ago

Tomas Rosisky is depressed

3 days ago

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Samir Nasri is watching Top Gear on Dave. Cheers Abou

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David Moyes is skint

Mark Hughes likes this

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Didier Drogba poked Jens Lehmann 3 years ago

Jens Lehmann went down holding his face

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DB11

DB11

Posted
Posted

My favourites:

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Marcus Bent is hoping to start at Old Trafford - 1 hour ago

Sir Alex Ferguson Likes This.

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David Moyes is skint

Mark Hughes likes this

---------------------------------

lol!!!

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the_bowman

the_bowman

Posted
Posted

Couple more:

Rio Ferdinand feels like a **** after his mistake tonight 10 mins ago

Dirk Kuyt likes this

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Mark Hughes sent Jolean Lescott invitation to join the group 'Man City'

Invite was rejected

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Steven Gerrard has created a group, "Court - it's easy!"

Eric Cantona does not like this

Joey Barton does not like this

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dhermon

dhermon

Posted
Posted

Little Liam Gill

Couldn't sit still

Jumped on a train roof

Just to get a thrill

His two mates shouted

"Come down now"

But little Liam shouted

"I don't know how"

"Look just above you,

Grab that rope"

Up jumped Liam

Didn't stand a hope

The two little scouse lads

Then had a scare

There was Liam

Flying through the air

Swinging and dangling

On the end of a wire

There hung Liam

With his arse on fire

The moral of the story

The lesson to be learnt

Don't break the law

And you won't get burnt.

:ph34r:

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Thracian

Thracian

Posted
Posted

In a newspaper today:

Snow White was always happy to prepare lunch for the seven dwarfs as welcome relief from their toils down the mines.

Each day she would go to the pithead, relay her messge that dinner had arrived and wait for the meals to be collected.

Until one day there was a dreadful accident. Part of the underground workings had caved in and when Snow White called down about lunch there was no answer.

Tearfully she called again and again. Still no answer but Snow White steadfastly refused to give up and with all hope receding after long ours of silence she finally heard a voice from below...

"Vote for Gordon Brown, vote for Gordon Brown," it said.

Snow White cried with joy, dropped to her knees and immediately thanked God.

"At least Dopey has survived," she sobbed.

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AoWW

AoWW

Posted
Posted

A couple courtesy of Suffolk_Fox, who sends me some of the worst jokes ever... >_<

I saw a really depressed-looking RAC bloke this morning and thought to myself, "Poor guy, he's heading for a breakdown"!

and

Did you know 40% of people play with themselves in the shower?!

The other 60% prefer to sing in the shower. And do you know what song they like to sing?...

No, didn't think you would! :ph34r::P

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Smudge

Smudge

Posted
Posted

Testicle Therapy

 

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as

her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man

replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still

clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, lo osened

his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments

and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!

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NewquayFox

NewquayFox

Posted
Posted (edited)

Been arrested 3 times this week for knocking the Missus out.

The Coppers said "Why do you keep beatimg her?

I said " Significant weight advantage, longer reach and some nifty feckin footwork !!!! ;0)

Edited by NewquayFox
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