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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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NewquayFox

NewquayFox

Posted
Posted (edited)

Its `Missed the bus` with Fergie. I have copied and Pasted it to another forum but it wont let me do it on this forum. Grrrr!!!!

I am sure someone else can sort it as i might just be an Eejit at doing it. ;0)

Edited by NewquayFox
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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
image001.gif (3.4 MB)

Is it just off your pc or from a website? If it's off your pc it wont work it has to be hosted on photobucket or imageshack or similar.

If it's off a website post the website URL.

If you know all this then apologies.

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lavrentis

lavrentis

Posted
Posted

I used to know an old couple but sadly the old lady passed away and the husband asked to have the words "She was thine" on her gravestone.

The day after the funeral he decided to take some flowers to her gravestone. When he got there he was shocked to see that it had the words "She was THIN" on it.

He complained to the stone carver, "what's up with you! How could you miss the 'E'". The stone carver apologetically said "Ooh sorry about that, I will have that corrected for you by tomorrow".

The next day the husband goes back to the gravestone again, only to notice now engraved on it are the words "E she was thin!"

lol lol

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LoughboroughFox

LoughboroughFox

Posted
Posted

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Shoite,Shoite !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?'

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

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hairy

hairy

Posted
Posted

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London , and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!!

Irish Garda says," License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish Garda replies, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign."

London Lawyer says , "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish Garda says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Irish Garda says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.. License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between "slow down" and "stop", I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.."

Irish Garda says, "Sounds fair.. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the **** out of the lawyer with it and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

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