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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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AoWW

AoWW

Posted
Posted

This was actually told to me by the Chinese chap who runs my local takeaway. :D

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.

The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy baby - but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents...

'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,

'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...

Sum Ting Wong.

>_<

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AjcW

AjcW

Posted
Posted
This was actually told to me by the Chinese chap who runs my local takeaway. :D

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.

The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy baby - but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents...

'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,

'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...

Sum Ting Wong.

>_<

I posted this joke on facebook and im now having an argument with my uptight ex girlfriend about how immature and racist I am.

Fucking well rid of her lol.

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Wycombe Fox

Wycombe Fox

Posted
Posted

MANCHESTER UNITED VIRUSES HAVE HIT COMPUTERS!

They are particularly harmful and here are such examples-

The Manchester United Virus.

This is where your PC thinks its far superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 1993.

The David Beckham Virus.

This affects newer PC's mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.

The Roy Keane Virus.

This one is particularly nasty and will throw you out of Windows.

The Alex Ferguson Virus.

The computer develops a continuous whining noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower (depending on how your days been) than all the other computers in the building.

The Ben Foster Virus.

This one's not particularly harmful - but you just can't save anything.

The Gary Neville Virus.

This is the extremely ugly one.

The Manchester United Shirt Virus.

This one is especially hard to detect as it changes it's format every 3 months

The Dimitar Berbatov Viris.

The computer still works fine just performs really slowly.

Don't worry, real football fan anti-virus software to be available soon.

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skinnydipper

skinnydipper

Posted
Posted (edited)

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake and both are in intensive care

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma

I was reading in the paper today that this dwarf got pickpocketed

I don't know how anyone could stoop so low

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed so I pushed him under a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits

Edited by skinnydipper
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DB11

DB11

Posted
Posted (edited)

It was After Eight. She was from Quality Street. He was a Fishermans Friend, and on the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar Hotel. He had a Rum and Butter. She had a Wine Gum. He asked her name. She said Polo, I’m the one with the hole. (But I’m the one with the Nuts he thought) Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic It wasn’t long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. But Ms Rowntree wasn’t keen as she already had a few Jelly Babies, So she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge nudging. It was a Magic Moment as she let out of scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he decided to take a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. So he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Sherbert. At the same time he gave her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately Mr Cadbury had to go home to his wife Caramel. Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught V.D.It turns out Ms Rowntree had a Box of Assorted Creams.

She really had been with All Sorts. :wub:

Edited by DB11
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Fosse Boy

Fosse Boy

Posted
Posted
It was After Eight. She was from Quality Street. He was a Fishermans Friend, and on the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar Hotel. He had a Rum and Butter. She had a Wine Gum. He asked her name. She said Polo, I’m the one with the hole. (But I’m the one with the Nuts he thought) Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic It wasn’t long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. But Ms Rowntree wasn’t keen as she already had a few Jelly Babies, So she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge nudging. It was a Magic Moment as she let out of scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he decided to take a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. So he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Sherbert. At the same time he gave her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately Mr Cadbury had to go home to his wife Caramel. Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught V.D.It turns out Ms Rowntree had a Box of Assorted Creams.

She really had been with All Sorts. :wub:

If I was ten years younger I'd probably find that utterly hilarious...

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Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted
*possible bad taste*

The Hanover FC manager has denied any involvement in Robert Enke's death. He gave a statement, " Robert trained brilliantly yesterday, so afterwards i told him he could stop almost anything! Unfortunatly that didnt include the 7.52 from Dortmund!

I feel bad for laugh, but I can't help it!

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

>Actual answers given to Larry Gogan on the Just a Minute Quiz. (Irish

>Radio Station)

>

>1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword

>2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon

>3) Name the Capital of France? F

>4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell

>5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar

>6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital

>7) What is Hitlers first name ? Heil

>8) As happy as.... (Larry gave a hint - think of my name) A pig in shit

>9) Some famous brothers ? Bonnie and Clyde.

>10) A dangerous race ? The Arabs

>11) Something that floats in a bath ? Water

>12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers ? A horse

>13) Something you wear on a beach ? A deckchair

>14) A famous Royal ? Mail

>15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine ? A bicycle with wings

>16) A famous bridge ? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

>17) Something a cat does ? Goes to the Toilet

>18) Something you do in the bathroom ? Decorate

>19) A method of securing your home ? Put the kettle on

>20) Something associated with pigs ? The Police

>21) A sign of the Zodiac ? April

>22) Something people might be allergic to ? Skiing

>23) Something you do before you go to bed ? Sleep

>24) Something you put on walls ? A roof

>25) Something Slippery ? A conman

>26) A kind of ache ? A fillet of fish

>27) A Jacket Potato topping ? Jam

>28) A food that can be brown or white ? A potato

>29) A famous Scotsman? Jock

>30) A famous Scotsman? Vinnie Jones

>31) Something you open other than a door ? Your bowels

>32) What star do travelers follow? Joe Dolan

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The Doctor

The Doctor

Posted
Posted
Probably the sickest most horrible joke i've heard in ages, for the love of god DO NOT READ if you have a moral compass:

Whats the difference bewteen a Train Carriage and a Miscarriage? You can't eat a train carriage

don't see how. making light of a potential needs must situation. stuck in the andes with no hope of survival - eat the dead. simples. (i'm nothing if not practical).

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AoWW

AoWW

Posted
Posted
Apologese if I offended anyone if I am able to repost it I will give a bad taste warning and also use spoilers. Again sorry.
The fact that it has been deleted makes me inquisitive haha

post it again with spoilers :thumbup:

I think it's best left in the wastebin in the mods' room, to be honest. :thumbup:

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