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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Bilo

Bilo

Posted
Posted
I remember the sick joke thread that got deleted a few years ago I think it was.

That was classic.

I may or may not have started that one if it was the summer before last you're thinking of. I believe it lasted two days and went to about 20 pages before being closed because the jokes overstepped the mark somewhat.

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Bilo

Bilo

Posted
Posted
2008 yeah, I think.

It was brilliant. I'd only joined the forum a few days before, it may even have been the first topic I started but it had me in stitches as I was logging on during the day. It was then I realised that there are real sick fuckers on this site and I felt right at home. :giggle:

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stez

stez

Posted
Posted
I may or may not have started that one if it was the summer before last you're thinking of. I believe it lasted two days and went to about 20 pages before being closed because the jokes overstepped the mark somewhat.

which may happen again.

just a heads up, like.

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Zingari

Zingari

Posted
Posted

Defence Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:

I am 76 years old .

Defence Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the day of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:

There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:

Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:

No, but he sure was friendly.

Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:

Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:

No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.

Defence Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

He began to touch my breasts.

Defence Attorney:

Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:

No, I certainly did not!

Defence Attorney:

Why ever not?

Little Old Lady:

His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lad y:

Well, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defence Attorney:

Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:

Hell, no! He just yelled,'April Fool' and that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

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hairy

hairy

Posted
Posted

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent

when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realised she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!

While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!'

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought.'

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lcfcadam

lcfcadam

Posted
Posted
The government has brought in a new device to keep children away from icy roads. They're calling it gary gritter.

That is simply marvellous.

I think this is a pretty common joke and I haven't read through all this thread (obviously) so it's probably already been done but what the heck?

A guy says to the girl he's with, "Get down on all fours so I can f*** you up the ass."

She refuses, saying "No I'm not doing that, that's demeaning!"

He looks surprised, "'Demeaning'? That's a big word for a six year-old!"

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