Madeleine McCann

[Hullfox]

The English press are being quite breathtakingly arrogant in their approach to this.

It is nothing short of idiotic to attack the Portugese Police for suggesting that Madeleine was killed by her parents. The police are the experts and they know that in the vast majority of cases like this the killer (she is dead. Face it) is someone the victim knew. I think we can rule out the other kids so who else does that leave?

I don't know why the English media are so certain of the parents' innocence. Obviously, they did not care whether their daughter lived or died or they would not have left her in the apartment. Clearly, they did not love Maddie, so the crocodile tears and fake concern we see from Kate and Jerry on a daily basis marks them out as liars. Is it any wonder the Portugese police concentrated on the mum and dad, and gave the highly dubious tabloid fantasy of the creepy paedo sneaking out from under the bed and whisking McCann away into the night the contempt it deserves?

By pressuring the Portugese authorities away from the most - indeed only - logical candidates, The gutter press may have succeeded in letting Madeleine's real killer walk away Scot-free. Anyone who buys The Sun has that little girl's blood on their hands.

I feel that my "King of the Generalisation" Crown has been taken from me.

[l444ry]

There is only one thing for sure that killed Diana. She WAS NOT wearing a seatbelt.

A bullet to the head would have given more creedence to the theory that she was murdered.

As for the main topic of this thread I agree with a previous poster that although it cannot be 100% certain that Madeline parents had nothing to do with her dissapearance, they would have to be the most masterly crimminals to ever have existed to have fooled everyone who has been involved in the investigation. There is virtually no evidence linking them that would prevail under close examination.

But don't forget that there is no evidence for the abduction theory either. And if the McCanns would answer the 40 odd PJ questions relating to the "evidence" found in the Renault hire car then perhaps they could be free from the arguido status which they themselves asked to placed under to avoid doing so. Is it any wonder that people have become suspicious?

Edited 16 October 2007 by l444ry

[Chandler]

The English press are being quite breathtakingly arrogant in their approach to this.

It is nothing short of idiotic to attack the Portugese Police for suggesting that Madeleine was killed by her parents. The police are the experts and they know that in the vast majority of cases like this the killer (she is dead. Face it) is someone the victim knew. I think we can rule out the other kids so who else does that leave?

I don't know why the English media are so certain of the parents' innocence. Obviously, they did not care whether their daughter lived or died or they would not have left her in the apartment. Clearly, they did not love Maddie, so the crocodile tears and fake concern we see from Kate and Jerry on a daily basis marks them out as liars. Is it any wonder the Portugese police concentrated on the mum and dad, and gave the highly dubious tabloid fantasy of the creepy paedo sneaking out from under the bed and whisking McCann away into the night the contempt it deserves?

By pressuring the Portugese authorities away from the most - indeed only - logical candidates, The gutter press may have succeeded in letting Madeleine's real killer walk away Scot-free. Anyone who buys The Sun has that little girl's blood on their hands.

This, my friends, is where four decades of political correctness has got us. And, just in case you don't quite know where you are, let me enlighten you: you're all guests of honour at the annual 'Brown Nose The Portimao Gestapo' awards ceremony brought to you by LEMON HARPIC.

So, without further ado, lets get onto the main award of the evening - 'THE MOST BRUTAL FASCISTIC PIG IN PORTIMAO.'

And the nominations are:

1) Goncalo Amaral (former Chief Inspector on the MM enquiry)

2) Olegario de Sousa (er... another former Chief Inspector on the MM enquiry)

3) Tavares Almeida (yet another ex Chief Inspector on the MM enquiry but slightly less chiefy)

Olegario de Sousa - dark horse for brutal pig award?

And the winner is...

GONCALO AMARAL!

The awards committee were deeply impressed by his handling of the Joana Cipriano investigation (a case eerily similar to that of Madeleine McCann), particularly his participation in the beating of her mother, Leonor, and extorting the confession that landed her (and her brother) a life sentence (an indiscretion so widely known about now that his very own department have had to put Goncalo up before the local beak for a quiet telling off).

They always squeal... when forced to kneel... on broken glass...

This tour de force only marginally eclipsed his leading role in both fabricating and leaking all the allegations against the McCanns to the Portuguese media over a four month period (baseless allegations just as frequently and faithfully reproduced in The Sun as anywhere else contrary to what our ****wit in residence, LEMON HARPIC, would have us believe).

This bravura display of continually flouting the Portuguese law on judicial secrecy did not go unrecognized by Amaral's superiors, however, who sheepishly SACKED him from the McCann investigation and DEMOTED him on the convenient pretext that he upset Leicestershire's Piggy-Wiggies (as if...).

And here he comes to accept his award...

Goncalo Amaral - the stereotypical drunken brawler looks every one of his 47 years...

'I would like to zank zee awards committee for zere appreciation of my role in beating zee crap out of Signora Cipriano. Zey know it was not easy zing for me to do - it took me 12 horas to make zee beech 'fess up.

'Today ees great tragedy for Portugal. We no longer formal polizia state like in 1974 when we could do anyzing. We steel 'ave some old laws like judicial secrecy but now we are more careful as we are democrazia. Ha! Ha! So now we have zee paedo rings to make zee democratically elected politicians (my Eenglish much better now zanks to meo amigo Roberto Murat yes?) do zee right zing. Ees zis your 'Black Male' (I don't mean dark man - zey only good for futbol team here)?

'I like LIMONE HARPIC. 'Ee say nice zings about us. Ees zere Fascist organisatione in UK? I would like heem to come to Faro - we dreenk, zen we tell whoppers to jounalisti and zen we laugh!

'Afterwards I show heem 'ow to pull zee leedle girls out zee windows!'

APPLAUSE!!! APPLAUSE!!! APPLAUSE!!!

OK Ladies and Gentlemen let's get on to our special award this evening - 'The Hapless Patsy Award.'

And the nominations are:

1) Kate McCann

2) Leonor Cipriano

3) Homayra Sellier

And the winner and 'Hapless Patsy' tonight is...

Homayra Sellier!

Now thats a turn up for the books! That's what you get for thinking that the Scouse Toffee bint was a shoo in. Maybe the committee thought that her case was just TOO similar to all the other abduction cases over the last 30 years in Portugal where the PJ framed the parents.

Anyway who is this Homayra nob'ead? Sssh! Here she comes now...

Homayra Somebody or Other

'I would like to accept this award on behalf of my UNESCO charity, Innocence in Danger, which was invited to Portugal in the wake of the Casa Pia orphanage abuse scandal to investigate other outstanding child disappearance and abuse cases.

'I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Portuguese Ministry of the Interior for stonewalling our enquiries, Portuguese Intelligence for their round the clock surveillance of our activities and the Portuguese Police for their constant harassment and threats of violence against us which forced us to scarper after barely two years in the country.

'And finally it would be remiss of me not to single out LEMON HARPIC, tonight's sponsor, for special praise for shooting his mouth off about all things McCann whilst at the same time knowing nothing about me, my organisation or even the Casa Pia scandal.

'His failure to see that the McCann abduction is just the latest in a long line of mysterious child disappearances in Portugal that goes back virtually to the Salazar era not only serves to preserve that country's unenviable reputation of having the worst record in Western Europe on unresolved cases of child abduction but also ensures that its police force can continue its outstanding work in PROTECTING CHILD TRAFFICKERS.

'Once again, a big thank you to all of you.'

APPLAUSE!!! APPLAUSE!!! APPLAUSE!!!

Antonio de Oliveira Salazar, Fascist Dictator of Portugal, 1932 - 68. His Police Justice system, currently on nodding terms with the McCanns, survives intact. The ol' Nazi would be delighted to know that all PJ statements are swallowed whole by the gullible LEMON HARPIC.

And so we come to the final award of the evening. Now this is a new prize...

...sorry folks there's a bit of a commotion going on back stage.... now who's this?

Ladies and Gentlemen it's ALI G!!!

In his next film Ali G will play a Scottish doctor who keeps his dead daughter's rotting corpse with him in his beaten up VW as he goes on his rounds in 100 degree heat. The twist is that he gives all his mates a lift and they don't smell anything.

APPLAUSE!!! APPLAUSE!!! APPLAUSE!!!

What you doin' 'ere Ali?

I'm 'ere to present the 'Wigger of the Year' award.

Sorry son, you must have the wrong place because that's not what Ive got written down here...

What? Is it the 'Cos I is Black Innit' award?

No. You're going to get me into trouble if you carry on like that. The prize, for which there was only one nomination is 'The Most PC Poseur' award. And the sole nominee and winner is...

LEMON HARPIC!

BOO! BOO! BOO!

Sadly, LEMON HARPIC, our winner and sponsor, cannot be with us in person to collect his PC Poseur award this evening but he has sent us this statement that he wishes me to read out:

'I thank the committee for offering me 'The Most PC Poseur' award which I accept on behalf of Media Studies graduates everywhere. I am eternally grateful to the committee for their recognition of my liberal, post modern sensibilities that enable me to see that white middle class trash like the McCanns could never be innocent.

'By awarding me this prize the committee has placed on record its blind faith in the Portuguese Police. The committee, like me, views this force as benign, exotic and sort of 'not quite white' and therefore almost Muslim - just a couple of steps below that exalted BBC plane of victimhood which is, of course, the most holy state of BLACKNESS (BOW! SCRAPE! SWOON!).

'My crass, stupid, naive world view allows the Portuguese Police to frame with impunity their fellow nationals and any other passing Caucasians (particularly if they are professionals) - except me or my family and friends of course (cos we is all black like Ali G).

'Furthermore, I am delighted that the committee has, by giving me this award, acknowledged my complete ignorance of recent Portuguese history and the country's SENSITIVE GEO-POLITICAL STATUS and the way that both have adversely affected the behaviour of its police force.

'I would like to conclude by reassuring everyone that I will continue to condemn the British press for failing to make their subtle attempts at smearing the McCanns through innuendo more obvious to remedials like me. But there again, maybe not. Perish the thought that I could possibly be influenced, even subconsciously, by The Grauniad's and Indescribably Boring's constant recycling of '24 Horas' most improbable allegations.

'Any idea that I have ever entertained about anything has always fallen out of a clear blue sky...'

GEDOUDDAOFERE!!!

Linguists marvel at the inexplicable similarity between opinions held on the McCann abduction by fascistic Portuguese tabloid '24 Horas' and cultural cringing, self loathing, arse over tit English liberals like LEMON HARPIC.

Edited 17 October 2007 by Chandler

[BigGibbo]

[Kent Fox]

Fcuk me! What a read!! Thanks, Chandler

You're wasted on here..

Quite often, me thinks

[Alexikokopops]

That was quite something.

[Jon the Hat]

[Guest]

Bloody hell!

[Raj]

BOOOOOOOOORRRRRrrrrrriiiiiinnnnnnnnnggggggggg!!!!

[Webbo]

Total crap but very entertaining.

[Chandler]

Aw shucks folks! Why're you being nice to me? Can't you be horrible instead? Chandler can't be Chandler without a bit of provocation. I'm not allowed to get the retaliation in first you see - it's strictly against the rules.

In any case, I find that hurling a gratuitous insult just doesn't give me quite the same buzz as lobbing a 'subtle riposte' (Tee! Hee!). Unlike the Italians, we Celts must have our revenge straight out the microwave.

Celts in 'subtle riposte' mode

Now, back to business. There are some genuinely curious people on this thread who really want some new light shed on the Madeleine McCann disappearance. Well, these eager beavers will be glad to hear that ol' Chandler has been shining his INOVA XI TITANIUM pocket flashlight into all the murky corners of this affair.

The propsects look bright for Castor Canadensis

But, in the spirt of Colonel Nathan R. Jessop, I feel it's only right to warn these 'few good men' that they may consider my findings very challenging.

Almost certainly too challenging...

Colonel Nathan R. Jessop - 'Truth? You can't handle the truth!'

[Daggers]

[Guest]

Chandler, was it Professor Plum, in the library, with the lead pipe?

[Zingari]

nice beaver

[Chandler]

Chandler, was it Professor Plum, in the library, with the lead pipe?

Hiya Babe!

The problem with Cluedo, Lisa, is that it's all about:

who...

where...

and how...

but never about

[Yaxx]

A+ for effort

D- for content

[Guest]

Hiya Babe!

[Raj]

Hiya Babe!

OI OI!!!!!

Nudge Nudge wink wink....something to tell us Lisa!!!????

[Guest]

OI OI!!!!!

Nudge Nudge wink wink....something to tell us Lisa!!!????

We have a love:hate relationship.

[Kent Fox]

We have a love:hate relationship.

Yeah, Chandler LOVES the sound of his own voice and HATES it when anyone considers him a tw@t

[Lineker's Left Foot]

Whatever the why's and wherefore's of how her kidnapping actually took place - my heart goes out to the parents of the poor little child.

No matter that other people may have approached the situation differently, no one should have to plan for someone stealing your daughter through a window.

When they started talking about her pink and white pyjamas this morning, I just choked-up. Poor things.

Still agree for Madeline's sake.... however, why would you leave a 3 year old on their own. Their parents need banging up. If it had been a single mother from a rough estate, she wouldn't have lasted 5mins before being taken to court.

[Chandler]

OK folks, I want to talk about a seemingly unrelated matter today. Those on this board who are quick off the mark (and there aren't many!) will quickly get the point I am making.

One of the few stories to sideline the very public grief of the McCanns was the killing of

eleven year old Rhys Jones on the 22nd August last...

outside the Fir Tree pub in Croxteth...

beloved by his 'salt of the earth' parents Steve and Melanie...

and mourned by the people of Liverpool and by viewers of BBC News 24 and Sky News...

at the time of writing his killer remains at large...

This is what the gutter press (are you watching Lemon Harpic?) would have us believe. Because, at this moment, the UK media has a collective bee in its bonnet about guns and gangs and gungs and gans (even white gungs!). Pause for half a second though, and you'll see that things aren't quite the way the hacks make them appear. In particular, it's worth noting that:

1) Rhys was allowed to go to (and return from) football practice UNACCOMPANIED in an area notorious for gang violence;

2) both parents claimed at their first police press conference that they had never been the victims of local violence, that they had never even witnessed any local anti social behaviour and, most improbably of all, that they had no knowledge of local gang warfare;

3) Melanie Jones behaved with extraordinary social ineptness at that police press conference appearing, at times, to carry on a private conversation with her husband instead of answering journalists' questions directly;

4) Steve Jones supplied an unusual timeline about his own movements on the night of the attack - he claimed he was instructed to go to the wrong hospital and only turned up at the right one after his son was pronounced dead;

5) Melanie Jones was inappropriately attired in a low cut smock when laying flowers at the scene of her son's shooting;

6) the Jones family occupy a desirable residence - too desirable, possibly, for a family whose main bread winner works night shifts for a superstore notorious for its slave wages;

7) the Jones's brazenly went against convention by staging a very public funeral outside their immediate locality and by allowing TV cameras to intrude on what should have been their own very private grief.

All of these observations are 100% accurate and are a matter of public record.

So what are we to make of all this and the fact that Rhys's killer has not yet been apprehended? I think the key to unlocking the Rhys case is point six - the Jones family were (and still are) living beyond their means. A night shift store worker couldn't possibly afford the mortgage on the Jones's property (to say nothing about the top of the range vehicles habitually parked both off and on road immediately in front of the house).

Tesco is a Scrooge employer - Steve Jones would have to work continuous 24/7 shifts to meet his financial commitments on their wages

The fact that Mr and Mrs Jones professed to know nothing about the local gangs suggests that they must be in cahoots with them. And gang activity, of course, centres principally around DRUGS. Were the Jones's both covering up their own PROFITABLE role in the LUCRATIVE local narco trade as well as protecting their suppliers and dealers?

Was this why Melanie appeared so inept at the press conference? Were her ostensibly ill judged remarks to her husband (NB 'You've lived here for 17 years...') really cues to prevent him from incriminating both themselves and others? But what has this to do with the murder of their son?

We all know that with drugs invariably comes something else - PROSTITUTION. Was Melanie Jones inappropriately attired at the floral tribute to Rhys because she simply didn't have time to get out of (and get back into) her work kit? Does her double life explain the unusually large number of vehicles constantly parked outside her home? And does her being 'on the game' also explain why she never had the time to ferry her son to training for the 'beautiful game?' But again, what has all this to do with the killing of Rhys?

OK, here's what happened. One day (possibly exactly one week before his shooting?) Rhys came back early from footie practice (because he was given a lift by his coach - a service he declined on the day he died according to The Sun) and he inadvertantly burst in on his mum with a client. He threatened to tell his father. She herself reported this incident to her husband (and pimp) and they both reluctantly agreed Rhys had to be silenced or the family faced ruin in Toxteth rather than ill gotten affluence in Croxteth.

A leafier part of Toxteth - not surprising Melanie and Steve Jones panicked!

Just before Rhys was shot, Steve Jones (while supposedly on his way to work) picked up a gun from a Croxteth Crew dealer and then drove on to Norris Green. There he met a member of the 'Noggsies' and offered him several grammes of crack to 'whack his lad' (half before, half on completion). He then phoned his wife and told her that the 'hit was on' and to get ready to go out and keen over the limp form of her son.

After the shooting, Steve rendezvoused with the 'Noggsy' (to collect the gun and pay him off) and then drove back to return the firearm to the 'Croggsy' (this essential detour accounts for the 'wrong hospital' alibi). Steve and Melanie Jones then went into McCann mode and fanned the flames of publicity. However, 'Mel J' realised that Kate McCann's widely (mis)perceived 'coldness' had alientated some of the public so she made sure she grieved in a very theatrical and over the top way (at least whilst in range of the cameras). But why the tacky funeral?

Cheesy Requiem in F flat minor - just the ticket to turn on the public waterworks

I believe this was a 'subtle risposte' to Boris Johnson who infamously opined in 'The Spectator' that Liverpool 'was a city hooked on grief' (in the wake of municipally sponsored wailing over Scouser Ken Bigley's beheading in Iraq by the late Al Qaeda thug, Abu Musab Al Zarqawi). The Jones's quickly realised that no journalist would be able to get away with such rabid anti Scouse sentiment second time round. So they made hay and invited the world and its mutt to turn up and emote in their football strips at Liverpool's cavernous Anglican Cathedral (world's sixth largest church apparently) thus securing the sympathy of a footie mad nation.

Celebrity Scousephile and apparent Evertonian, Boris

And then the masterstroke. The Jones's were almost certainly well aware of the McCanns biggest mistake - they had allowed Madeleine's disappearance to dominate the airwaves for so long that they gifted a bored media with an excuse to query their presumed innocence. So, after Rhys's funeral, Steve and Mel successfully requested a virtual media blackout of his case (except for timely and appropriate public appeals to find his killer on specialist shows like Crimewatch).

At this juncture, we must all ask ourselves how it is that not a single newspaper, radio show or TV news bulletin EVER reported the BLEEDIN' OBVIOUS version of events just described ? Now, Chandler wouldn't ask such a bleedin' obvious question if he couldn't come up with a bleedin' obvious answer would he?

Was it because 'gutter press' hacks on zees rag...

and zees one...

and zees one too...

couldn't follow zee Scousers' direzione to zee Merseyside 'Departamento de Policia Judiciaria?'

GEDDIT LIMONE HARPIC ET AL?

[Zingari]

superb chandler , that seems credible and obviously you have put much thought into it and perhaps it may be true ; but why have no other locals come out to discredit the parents lifestyles : (or do you think they have all been silenced ?)

surely more than just the boy had found out about his mother for as you point out ,lots of vehicles were regularly outside the house and the neighbours would surely be aware of this ;and as you said , the boy was only going to tell his father who already knew .

Edited 20 October 2007 by I Zingari

[Chandler]

superb chandler , that seems credible and obviously you have put much thought into it and perhaps it may be true ; but why have no other locals come out to discredit the parents lifestyles : (or do you think they have all been silenced ?)

surely more than just the boy had found out about his mother for as you point out ,lots of vehicles were regularly outside the house and the neighbours would surely be aware of this ;and as you said , the boy was only going to tell his father who already knew .

Eh... Zingari I think you better read ALL of my post again - only a bit more carefully this time.

Hopefully you will then see the point that I'm trying to make...

[Yaxx]

Chandler your undoubted talent is clearly being wasted. Perhaps you should offer your services immediately to the Portugese and Merseyside Police. I'm sure your immense cerebral insight would be of considerable value to their investigations.