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James.

Amusing News Stories

By James., in General Chat

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  • 4 weeks later...
ScouseFox

ScouseFox

Posted
Posted

MTV News

Muse Banned From Australia?

They could face legal action after smoking onstage…

10:40, Sunday, 19 December 2010

Muse face legal action in Australia and could be banned from the country for five years after lighting up during a concert in Melbourne.

Bassist Christopher Wolstenholme smoked several cigarettes during the gig at the Ron Laver Arena on 14 December, say reports. He apparently initially tried to hide his actions by only puffing when dry ice fog rolled over the stage, but by the end was smoking freely between songs.

A spokewoman for the venue said Muse were warned before the gig not to light up. “Officials spoke to the band before and after the show and we were extremely disappointed when they decided to flaunt our strict no-smoking policy,” Jo Juler said. “They are known as an anti-establishment style of performance group, but it was still sad that they decided to go ahead regardless.”

Officials were also angry that Matt Bellamy encouraged fans to “mosh out” during the set, a direct violation of the venue’s strict rules. Moshing is banned in the country following the death of a teenage girl during Limp Bizkit’s set at the Big Day Out festival in 2001.

A local gig promoter told The Sun that the band now faced a potential five-year ban: “These guys will never be allowed to perform again in Australia if they try it again. Doesn't matter how hot they are. The law is the law. Promoters won't get insurance for them – simple as that.”

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ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted

Stephen Bywaters "artwork"

My mate told me about this yesterday. Its his grandparents that live next door to him. Apparently they fell out with him over some land that stephen wanted to buy off them. They now want to sell the house and whilst they were on holiday, stephen put all this crap in his garden to put off buyers. Apparently his wife came out whilst one potential buyer was there and started pretending to have some sort of crazy fit and screaming in the garden lol

What a prize cvnt!! Gonna mention this to cockles when I see him!!

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  • 1 month later...
hairy

hairy

Posted
Posted
Immigration officer fired after putting wife on list of terrorists to stop her flying home

An immigration officer tried to rid himself of his wife by adding her name to a list of terrorist suspects.

He used his access to security databases to include his wife on a watch list of people banned from boarding flights into Britain because their presence in the country is 'not conducive to the public good'.

As a result the woman was unable for three years to return from Pakistan after travelling to the county to visit family.

The tampering went undetected until the immigration officer was selected for promotion and his wife name was found on the suspects' list during a vetting inquiry.

The Home Office confirmed today that the officer has been sacked for gross misconduct.

The incident is likely to raise new questions over levels of efficiency in the UK Border Agency, the organisation formed nearly three years ago by then Home Secretary Jacqui Smith to take over all immigration controls.

It has been criticised for poor performance by the Parliamentary Ombudsman and has suffered its share of humiliating incidents - for example the incident 19 months ago when an illegal immigrant escaped from the channel tunnel port at Folkestone by clinging to the underside of a bus carrying Border Agency staff.

Ketchup

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Zingari

Zingari

Posted
Posted

phew , that's a toughie problem when it comes to light

i'd have thought that someone who was caring for him would have been quietly slipping some effacacious

substance into his cocoa at night to prevent this becoming an issue

what the eye don't see an all that :whistle:

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cambridgefox

cambridgefox

Posted
Posted

This story didnt make the news,but its true and i thought amusing.

Back in the 70s my boss worked in the packaging industry,and one of his customers made bowler hats.

One of the new lads, to impress the client bought one,and wore it to work.

Now he was a bit of a dork by all accounts,and my boss had a word with his client and borrowed 2 more hats.1 bigger 1 smaller.

Several times a week,he would swap the hats,so some days his hat was too big and some days too small.

2 weeks passed and on the monday he didnt turn up.

My boss phoned his home where his mum answered to say his dad had taken him to hospital because his head kept swelling and shrinking.

My boss returned the hats and told them not to breath a word!

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Guest Gist

Guest Gist

Posted
Posted

Cheryl Cole tattoo artist suffered dislocated penis

THE artist who worked 11 straight hours on Cheryl Cole’s arse tattoo suffered a ruptured manhood during the procedure, it was revealed today.

“It was the most excruciating 11 hours of my life,” Justin Teale told reporters from his hospital bed last night.

“Being hunched over the pert bottom of Cheryl Cole for hours on end is not all its cracked up to be,” the 22-year-old artist said. “Especially in a pair of tight jeans.”

What should have been a routine procedure turned into a nightmare for the Essex tattooist, with things going wrong from the off.

“As she pulled her pants down and lay over the tattoo bench, I tried to settle the nerves by letting her know that it was a relatively painless procedure,” a candid Justin said. “’You will only feel a small ****,’ I told her.

“’I'd rather be feeling a big one!’ she responded. And that was it. All hell was let loose in the trouser department, or kept restricted as it turned out.”

A sudden and unexpected flow of blood to the groin area caused a massive involuntary erection within the restricted confines of Justin’s underpants.

“For the next 11 hours I had to work on the smooth, lightly scented bottom of Cheryl Cole while trying desperately to keep that erection at bay,” he said. “It was hell.”

Justin attempted to quell his erection by desperately trying to recall the names of all post-war British prime ministers, the counties of the UK and British number one singles of 1998.

“With every push of the needle into Cheryl’s glistening derriere she would let out a low moan, breaking my concentration and precipitating another surge of blood to my engorged member,” an ashen-faced Justin recalled.

“Eleven straight hours with your face poised six inches from Cheryl Cole’s bottom is more than any man can take.”

Justin was rushed to hospital immediately after the tattoo was finished where surgeons spent two and half hours trying to deflate the horribly misshaped penis. The member is now in a splint and was last night described as being in a serious but stable condition.

The intricate butterfly design, which X Factor star Cheryl has described as signifying a “fresh start” in her life, is believed to have cost £900.

“Despite the pain,” Justin told reporters from his hospital bed today, “I’d happily pay it again. It was worth every penny.”

lol couldn't stop laughing at this, love the way it's been worded.

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

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Posted

Clearly made up. A tattoo artist taking 11 hours? Do you think Her Nibs has got 11 hours straight to have ink injected into her ass? Also I'm sure tattoo artists see plenty of gorgeous body parts in their line of work (and some not so gorgeous) - to put foward the black-beating esrtwhile Girl Aloud as the apogee of beauty that can leave a man crippled merely by the presence of her pulchritude is just ridiculous. You can't dislocate a muscle either... it may be called a bone, but it isn't.

Complete tosh and no source to boot.

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DB11

DB11

Posted
Posted

Clearly made up. A tattoo artist taking 11 hours? Do you think Her Nibs has got 11 hours straight to have ink injected into her ass? Also I'm sure tattoo artists see plenty of gorgeous body parts in their line of work (and some not so gorgeous) - to put foward the black-beating esrtwhile Girl Aloud as the apogee of beauty that can leave a man crippled merely by the presence of her pulchritude is just ridiculous. You can't dislocate a muscle either... it may be called a bone, but it isn't.

Complete tosh and no source to boot.

You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to know it's not true. Just read it!! Especially the last bit about the tattoo cost £900 and the tattooist said he'd pay it all again!

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Zingari

Zingari

Posted
Posted (edited)

this is just brilliant lol

Exclusive footage capturing the moment 6 robbers attempt a smash and grab raid at a jewellery shop in Northampton - only to be stopped by a pensioner fending them off with her handbag. The six robbers on mopeds smashed the shop windows with sledgehammers at 9:30 this morning. The pensioner saw them in the distance and ran at the helmeted group and in an act of bravery, attacked them with her handbag. Police arrested a man who was held by the public at the scene and have since made four more arrests.

watch the video , it's classic !!!

http://www.itv.com/anglia/armed-robbery-footage07521/

Edited by Zingari
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Zingari

Zingari

Posted
Posted (edited)

Love the way all the bystanders watch the old dear have a go until the gang start to flee then they assist her

i thought that too :D

we've had the keystone cops , these look like the keystone robbers

Edited by Zingari
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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to know it's not true. Just read it!! Especially the last bit about the tattoo cost £900 and the tattooist said he'd pay it all again!

There were a few people seemingly believing it Watson. I just thought I'd point out the three silly mistakes (Star Turn reference there folks!)

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