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James.

Amusing News Stories

By James., in General Chat

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Bert

Bert

Posted
Posted

Just been reading the captain crunch in the sun where he gives money to people that are struggling. Every week one letter us highlighted because of it's cheek, would you say.

"dear captain, I served 3 months in prison for burglary. While inside, my lottery ticket lapsed and five of my numbers plus a bonus ball came up. I'd have won more than £100,000. It's the prisons fault because they wouldn't let me buy tickets"

lol:crylaugh:

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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted
A security guard came up with a bizarre remedy to remove a wart - he shot off his finger with a shotgun.

Sean Murphy, 38, from Doncaster, had seen his GP repeatedly about the problem and also tried a variety of traditional ointments and creams.

But when the persistent wart refused to disappear, he opted for the firepower of a 12-bore Beretta he claimed he had found under a hedge a few months earlier.

His technique successfully removed the wart - along with most of the middle finger of his left hand.

And the solution also landed Murphy in court this week for illegal possession of a firearm.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2003744/Sean-Murphy-blasts-finger-shotgun-trying-remove-WART.html#ixzz1PMzLNbX1

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

No, not a Fletch (Porridge) scambiggrin.gif

BBC http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-14705328

G4S sacks pair who tagged offender's false leg

Private security firm G4S has sacked two members of staff who tagged a man's false leg allowing him to remove it and break a court-imposed curfew.

The pair were fooled by Christopher Lowcock, 29, who wrapped the prosthetic limb in a bandage when G4S set up the system at his Rochdale home.

He was then able to remove the limb and break a curfew imposed for offences involving drugs, driving and a weapon.

G4S sacked the pair for committing a serious disciplinary offence, it said.

In a statement the Ministry of Justice (MoJ) said procedures "were clearly not followed in this case and G4S have taken action against the staff involved".

"Two thousand offenders are tagged every week and incidents like this are very rare," a spokesman added.

'Prosthetic leg'G4S revealed managers became suspicious last month but when they returned to Lowcock's home he had been returned to custody accused of a driving-related offence.

The company revealed the second employee who went to check on the monitoring equipment at Lowcock's home was also sacked for failing to realise he had fooled them into tagging his false leg.

A spokeswoman for the company said it placed electronic tags on "70,000 subjects a year on behalf of the Ministry of Justice".

"Given the critical nature of this service we have very strict procedures in place which all of our staff must follow.

"In this individual's case two employees failed to adhere to the correct procedures when installing the tag. Had they done so, they would have identified his prosthetic leg."

The two staff involved had committed a serious disciplinary offence by failing to follow procedure and had been dismissed, she said.

The MoJ said contractors were expected to adhere to "the highest standards of professionalism" and strict guidelines had to be followed when tagging offenders.

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

Syrup spillage shuts A20 road at Sellindge

Motorists have been warned to expect delays on the A20 in south Kent after a lorry shed its load of syrup.

The incident happened on the A20 at Sellindge at about 03:00 BST.

The road was closed for about three hours between the Otterpool Lane and Swan Lane junctions. A manual traffic management system is now in place.

A Kent Police spokesman said: "It will inevitably take a while to scrub the road as it [syrup] is rather a sticky substance."

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