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James.

Amusing News Stories

By James., in General Chat

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21st Century Fox

21st Century Fox

Posted
Posted (edited)

How to keep warm in goal? Pee down your leg, says St. Etienne keeper

Urinating in a surfing suit is the best way to fight the cold during a football game, according to the St-Etienne keeper Jérémie Janot as freezing weather threatens French fixtures.

St Etienne take on Lorient on Saturday, with temperatures expected to be as low as -13C (9F), but Janot knows a few tricks.

"The best is to wear a surfing suit. And with 15 minutes left, you pee in the suit and then you can go straight to the shower," Janot told L'Equipe. He is, however, expected to start on the bench on Saturday. "It's worse, even with the blankets," Janot said.

Edited by 21st Century Fox
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Amin

Amin

Posted
Posted

I wasn't, linked into it on another site.

Yep. Some of the responses on there amuse me. Fair proportion of acooling-esque ****tards rearing their heads.

Tell me about it. It's a decent forum but some of the members need to get out more.

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StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted (edited)

Dead. lol lol

An undercover police officer "chased himself round the streets" for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect.

The junior officer, who has not been named, was monitoring an area hit by a series of burglaries in an unnamed market town in the country’s south.

As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone “acting suspiciously” in the area.

But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.

The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the "suspect" on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was "hot on his heels".

The officer spent around 20 minutes giving chase before a sergeant came into the CCTV control room, recognised the “suspect” and laughed hysterically at the mistake.

The details of the operation blunder were leaked to Police magazine, which is published by the Police Federation, this week by a senior officer who witnessed the embarrassing incident.

Sussex police were unable to provide further details of the incident, the officers involved or where it occurred.

The anonymous officer, believed to be the PC's sergeant, told the monthly magazine: "An officer who joined a team in Sussex as a new probationary officer was soon very keen to do any plain-clothes operations and be as proactive as possible.

"He would be waiting at the end of his shift hoping to be unleashed for a further couple of hours of plain-clothes duties.

"On one such occasion in a little market town in Sussex which has suffered a spate of town centre shop break-ins, officers were on plain-clothed foot patrol when a report was received of a suspect male in one of the side roads.”

"The CCTV operator soon had the suspect on camera and everywhere he saw the male the keen PC was on his heels – radioing in to say he was in the same street.”

He added: "Every time the man darted in to another side alleyway, the PC was turning immediately into the same alleyway, but every time the CCTV operator asked what he could see there was no trace."

It was at this point that the sergeant entered the control room where he recognised the junior officer.

"With the sergeant's sides aching from laughter he pointed out to the PC that the operator had been watching him unaware that he was a pain-clothes officer – thus the PC had been chasing himself round the streets."

A police source told The Daily Telegraph: "We've had a couple of funnies lately, but all taken in good spirit."

On Tuesday night a spokesman for the force, which has about 3000 officers, could not provide any further details on the operation due to a lack of information.

He added: “Policing is often a serious business, so we all enjoy moments of light relief.

“This story was shared anonymously with the Police Federation magazine, so unfortunately without the date or location, confirming the details and locating the officer is harder for us than it was for the CCTV operator.”

http://www.telegraph...or-burglar.html

Edited by StanSP
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ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted (edited)

The station has it all... Jazz, blues, Scatt

http://www.adelaiden...3-1226277371282

Radio station airs gay porn soundtrack

  • From:NewsCore
  • February 21, 2012 4:11pm



A RADIO station in Britain has issued an apology after it inadvertently aired what appeared to be a gay porn soundtrack.

"Unfortunately we had an unauthorised access to the live feed on Jazz FM on Saturday 18th February at 7.15pm (local time) which resulted in a highly regrettable incident," Jazz FM's head of programming, Mike Vitti, said today.

"Please accept our profound and sincere apologies for any offense that may have been caused and rest assured we have taken steps to ensure that there will be no repeat of this incident."

The incident occurred during Jazz FM's Funky Sensation show when listeners were treated to a short segment of what was believed to have been a soundtrack from an X-rated gay movie, The Guardian reported.

The newspaper described the adult soundtrack as "several minutes of moans and groans".

Jazz FM, which usually plays jazz, soul and blues, said it would apologise again on air. An investigation into the incident by the station was underway.

Edited by ozleicester
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FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

Plans to build a monument to Cuban revolutionary Che Guevara in Galway have been slammed.

Businessman and former politician Declan Ganley has heavy criticized the proposal.

The Sunday Times reported last weekend that Galway City Council wants to erect a statue of the Marxist guerrilla who helped Fidel Castro to power in Cuba in 1959.

The Cuban and Argentinean embassies to Ireland have already been approached to help fund the project in honor of Guevara whose grandmother was a descendant of the Lynch family from Galway.

Ganley, the former head and founder of the Libertas political party, has slated the idea.

“This is the pet project of a bunch of extremists in the Labour Party,” said Ganley, who ran for President two elections ago.

“Commemorating him in this way will damage the reputation of Galway internationally.

“I actually first heard about this proposal during a trip to the United States last week, when the issue was raised with me by members of the American business community.

“To say that they are shocked to see Galway considering a step like this would be an understatement.

“This monument will damage Galway. It will make us less attractive for investment. It will drive away tourism. It will pour salt in he wounds of those this man tortured, kidnapped, maimed and killed.

“It would be a monument to the insensitivity and ignorance of those who dreamt it up, and it would shame the people of Galway and Ireland.”

Read more: http://www.irishcentral.com/news/Galway-plans-to-build-monument-to-Che-Guevara-slated-by-local-millionaire-141013653.html#ixzz1p2aMIW60

For those of you who don't find this amusing, let me explain.

Che Guevara's mother is from Galway. His father half jokingly blamed his rebellious streak on his Irish genes.

The West of Ireland, in which Galway resides, has been the hotbed of revolution since Cromwell.

The idea that Eire doesn't support "terrrorists" is laughable in the extreme - see the Troubles in NI esp in the 70s and 80s.

The fact that it is ok to rebel against the British for thier oppression but not for someone who is under US oppression is hypocrisy of the highest order.

The US have threatened to withdraw all companies from Ireland if this goes ahead. lol

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GLC

GLC

Posted
Posted

SOCCER superstar Lionel Messi was last night dragged into the weirdest propaganda war ever between opposing sides in Syria.

The world's highest- paid footballer was accused of sending secret signals to gun-smuggling rebels — using his DRIBBLING skills.

The outrageous claims about the Barcelona star are made in a video posted online. A voiceover says that on Sunday, Syrian TV channel Addounia broadcast footage of Messi, 24, going on a twisting run before setting up a goal for Pedro against Real Madrid.

Video: Messi 'plot to arm Syrian rebels'

SYRIA'S state TV has accused Barca star of sending secret signals

It then claims his darting runs were a secret code used by gun runners — and by tracking the direction of the dribbles, passes and shot, it is possible to draw a route into Syria.

As Messi makes his run, the voiceover states: "Here we see the first stage where arms are loaded from Lebanon. Then they pass through Homs and are delivered to another terrorist. We also see how they warn that they will face some obstacles until they reach Dayr Al Zawr."

SNN21011GX2_1474743a.jpg

Mess-pionage ... video claims star's twisting run shows rebel route into Syria

As Pedro's shot hits the net, the voice says: "Then they are transported by bus to the final destination, located in Al Magadin."

But the jury was out as to whether the Argentinian ace had been unwittingly used in a piece of government brainwashing, rebel propaganda or just a daft hoax.

SNN2111MATCH-_1474741a.jpg

Clues ... the online video

It would not be the first time state-controlled Addounia made crazy claims. The channel once said a rival station sent coded messages via its weather forecasts.

But Syria experts said the film could also be a bid to smear Syrian tyrant President Bashar al-Assad.

SNN2111PRE1--_1474735a.jpg

Tyrant ... President Bashar al-Assad

Prof Mark Almond of Oxford University said: "If I were a Syrian rebel, or someone sympathetic to them, I might make such a video to show the world how silly the Assad regime is."

:blink:

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Daggers

Daggers

Posted
Posted

Who the frig are they? No-mark non-celebrities who are using the tried and trusted Max Clifford sex tape release to create column inches.

Here's a wacky solution - think you may want to become famous? Try not filming yourself fùcking anybody or animals. Secondly, if you achieve "celebrity" through the tape getting onto the Internet just go kill your worthless self.

I'd download it to investigate further but the thought of Ultra in a sex tape is putting me off my bacon & eggs.

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21st Century Fox

21st Century Fox

Posted
Posted

Priest in 'indecent images' row at primary school

Parents said 16 indecent images of men were displayed. The priest said he had no knowledge of the offending imagery.

According to a statement from the parents, the images were projected onto the screen from a memory stick the parish priest had inserted into a computer before the presentation.

"He was visibly shaken and flustered," said the parents. "He gave no explanation or apology to the group and bolted out of the room.

"Twenty minutes later he returned, he continued with the meeting and wrapped up by saying that the children get lots of money for their Holy Communion and should consider giving some of it to the church."

Unlucky that their was a child in attendance, but the whole things plays out pretty hilariously, The Church in a nutshell really.

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Bilo

Bilo

Posted
Posted (edited)

George Galloway celebrates 'Blackburn triumph' on Twitter after winning Bradford West by-election

George Galloway appears to have become a little confused after celebrating his recent by-election victory in Bradford when he took to Twitter to laud his “Blackburn triumph”.

Picture-1_2182399c.jpg

George Galloway twitter mistake Photo: TWITTER

Josie-Ensor_60_1932303j.jpg

By Josie Ensor

12:40PM BST 31 Mar 2012

Residents of Blackburn will be forgiven for being a little perplexed, as Mr Galloway had in fact won a seat in Bradford West, a Yorkshire city 40 miles away.

Mr Galloway, who ran under the Respect Party banner, led his campaign on the purportedly deep understanding he had of the constituency and its needs.

However, he seemed to have suffered a brief memory lapse when he tweeted at 08.30 this morning: “Welcome to the 6000 new followers. I will try to live up to your expectations. Shattered but happy after the Blackburn triumph.”

He then quickly corrected the mistake, tweeting just minutes later: “Bradford is home for me now.”

He then suggested to his 63,000 followers that his account had been hacked, tweeting: “Nice try. Password now changed.”

Mr Galloway, expelled by Labour in 2003, said it was the "most sensational victory" in by-election history. He received 18,341 votes – a 56 per cent share. He said his victory represented a "total rejection" of the major parties.

Bradford West is now the fourth constituency to have Mr Galloway for its MP.

Any late nights celebrating, however, would have been drink-free, as the newest MP claimed in his campaign to be a “teetotal Muslim”.

At Mr Galloway’s official campaign rally in Bradford’s Hanover Square last Sunday, footage of which was still available yesterday on his own website, he said: “I’m a better Pakistani than he [Mr Hussain] will ever be.

"God knows who’s a Muslim and who is not. And a man that’s never out of the pub shouldn’t be going around telling people you should vote for him because he’s a Muslim."

He added: “A Muslim is ready to go to the US Senate, as I did, and to their face call them murderers, liars, thieves and criminals. A Muslim is somebody who’s not afraid of earthly power but who fears only the Judgment Day. I’m ready for that, I’m working for that and it’s the only thing I fear.”

One leaflet circulating Bradford in the days leading up to the election, berated rival Labour candidate Imran Hussain: “God KNOWS who is a Muslim. And he KNOWS who is not,” it said. “Let me point out to all the Muslim brothers and sisters what I stand for. I, George Galloway, do not drink alcohol and never have.”

Mr Galloway denies it came from him.

The politician, who relentlessly courted the Muslim vote in a city with a large Asian population, dubbed his political triumph the “Bradford Spring” in solidarity with uprisings in the Arab world.

He told constituents after his win: “All praise to Allah! By the Grace of God we have won the most sensational victory in British political history. There is a tidal wave waiting to break all over the country, not just in Bradford.”

Mr Galloway is due to hold a rally in Bradford on Sunday evening.

A spokesman for Mr Galloway said: "This is indeed a hoax. But Respect is certainly intending to come to Blackburn very soon."

Funny because the idiots who voted for him have the MP they deserve, but also because the Telegraph appear to be as confused as Galloway. Last time I checked, Blackburn was in Lancashire.

Edited by Bilo
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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

Mansfield police officers smash window to save toy dog

_59446685_59445173.jpg

A passer-by mistook "Little Willy" for a real dog

Police in Nottinghamshire have said they will be discussing compensation for a car window smashed after officers tried to "save" a toy, stuffed dog.

Officers received a call from a concerned passer-by who reported seeing a dog left on the back seat of car parked on Church Lane in Mansfield.

The police officers smashed a window in the Mercedes and discovered it was, in fact, a toy dog.

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