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James.

Amusing News Stories

By James., in General Chat

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

We shouldn't laugh but:

Deckchair traps woman, 83, in Scarborough

An 83-year-old woman has been rescued after getting trapped in a deckchair for six hours in Scarborough.

North Yorkshire Fire Service said the woman had become stuck after the chair's fabric had given way.

A local fire officer heard the woman's cries for help from the balcony of her flat at Northway at 14:00 BST.

She had been stuck since 08:00 BST and was treated by paramedics at the scene, the fire service said.

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Jaspa

Jaspa

Posted
Posted

Might be a year or two old, but why not,

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/28/diddy-sued-for-1-trillion-woman-claims-date-rape-911-responsibility_n_815254.html

Diddy 'sued for causing 9/11 attack'

starsnaps_sean_combs.jpg

Diddy is being sued for $1 trillion after being accused of causing 9/11.

A woman named Valerie Turks filed the suit against Diddy, whose real name is Sean Combs, alleging that he was the cause behind the collapse of the World Trade Centre in 2001 and stole a poker chip from her worth "100 zillions of dollars".

Turks was denied a restraining order against the rapper, but the judge set a hearing for the case for January 31.

"[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. He put my baby in a wheelchair," Billboard quotes Turks as saying in her legal papers.

"Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money," she continued. "I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she cannot cash it in. I want my chip please help me.

"It's well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys. They put me and my baby in the hospital and broke my baby 2 legs and sexual assaulted my children and crushed us (sic)."

Turks, who is asking for $900 billion dollars in child support and $100 billion dollars for "loss of income", also claims she once dated Diddy and share a son, 23-year-old Cornelius Wilson.

lol

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Jaspa

Jaspa

Posted
Posted

http://www.tempo.com.ph/2012/man-takes-wife-to-court-for-being-ugly-wins-120000/#.T8-VIlIy7p0

Man takes wife to court for being ugly, wins $120,000

A Chinese divorced and sued his wife for $120,000 for being ugly and won, according to a story posted on the website of Macedonian International News Agency (Mina).

The story goes that Jian Feng, who was from Northern China, was so in love with his beautiful wife until they had a baby girl, who was said to be so ugly it horrified him.

As the baby resembled neither parents, Feng demanded to know who the father was. His wife was forced to admit that she had spent $100,000 for intense plastic surgery from South Korean surgeons to look radically different.

Feng eventually divorced and sued his wife under the terms that she had gotten him to marry her under false pretenses. He won and received the $120,000 he requested. (InterAksyon.com)

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Jaspa

Jaspa

Posted
Posted

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-18370797

'Depraved' sex acts by penguins shocked polar explorer

Accounts of unusual sexual activities among penguins, observed a century ago by a member of Captain Scott's polar team, are finally being made public.

Details, including "sexual coercion", recorded by Dr George Murray Levick were considered so shocking that they were removed from official accounts.

However, scientists now understand the biological reasons behind the acts that Dr Levick considered "depraved".

The Natural History Museum has published his unedited papers.

Dr Levick, an avid biologist, was the medical officer on Captain Scott's ill-fated Terra Nova expedition to the South Pole in 1910. He was a pioneer in the study of penguins and was the first person to stay for an entire breeding season with a colony on Cape Adare.

He recorded many details of the lives of adelie penguins, but some of their activities were just too much for the Edwardian sensibilities of the good doctor.

He was shocked by what he described as the "depraved" sexual acts of "hooligan" males who were mating with dead females. So distressed was he that he recorded the "perverted" activities in Greek in his notebook.

Graphic account

On his return to Britain, Dr Levick attempted to publish a paper entitled "the natural history of the adelie penguin", but according to Douglas Russell, curator of eggs and nests at the Natural History Museum, it was too much for the times.

"He submitted this extraordinary and graphic account of sexual behaviour of the adelie penguins, which the academic world of the post-Edwardian era found a little too difficult to publish," Mr Russell said.

The sexual behaviour section was not included in the official paper, but the then keeper of zoology at the museum, Sidney Harmer, decided that 100 copies of the graphic account should be circulated to a select group of scientists.

Mr Russell said they simply did not have the scientific knowledge at that time to explain Dr Levick's accounts of what he termed necrophilia.

"What is happening there is not in any way analogous to necrophilia in the human context," Mr Russell said. "It is the males seeing the positioning that is causing them to have a sexual reaction.

"They are not distinguishing between live females who are awaiting congress in the colony, and dead penguins from the previous year which just happen to be in the same position."

Sexual coercion

Only two of the original 100 copies of Dr Levick's account survive. Mr Russell and colleagues have now published a re-interpretation of Dr Levick's findings in the journal Polar Record.

Mr Russell described how he had discovered one of the copies by accident.

"I just happened to be going through the file on George Murray Levick when I shifted some papers and found underneath them this extraordinary paper which was headed 'the sexual habits of the adelie penguin, not for publication' in large black type.

"It's just full of accounts of sexual coercion, sexual and physical abuse of chicks, non-procreative sex, and finishes with an account of what he considers homosexual behaviour, and it was fascinating."

The report and Dr Levick's handwritten notes are now on display at the Natural History Museum for the first time. Mr Russell believes they show a man who struggled to understand penguins as they really are.

"He's just completely shocked. He, to a certain extent, falls into the same trap as an awful lot of people in seeing penguins as bipedal birds and seeing them as little people. They're not. They are birds and should be interpreted as such."

me_gusta_face_text_postcard-p239986862933170582baanr_400.jpg

Not a fun article to read by any stretch of the imagination, but ****,

Penguins are messed up !

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Jaspa

Jaspa

Posted
Posted

Saw one on twitter about an old man having to call the fire service after getting a ring stuck on his cock lol. Can't find the link will look tomorrow :D

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/901553-pensioner-needs-fire-service-to-free-him-from-sex-aid

Pensioner needs fire service to free him from sex aid

A pensioner needed help from firefighters to remove a sex aid that had become stuck on a delicate area of his body.

The 69-year-old battled for 36 hours to free himself from the ring-shaped object and eventually went to Fairfield Hospital in Bury to seek assistance.



He was transferred to North Manchester General Hospital, but surgeons there were also unable to work out what to do.

At that point, doctors decided to call in the fire brigade, reports the Manchester Evening News.

A crew from the Blackley station attended and, after carefully assessing the situation, concluded it would be possible to remove the sex aid using a precision cutting tool.



The pensioner had to sign a form confirming he was aware of the dangers associated with such a delicate operation before he was taken to theatre.

Fire officers originally intended to use a four-inch angle grinder for the procedure, but eventually opted for an air cut-off tool.

After an hour of intricate manoeuvres, the pensioner was finally freed. He spent the night in hospital, but as he had suffered little more than acute embarrassment, was allowed home the following morning.

A spokesman for Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Service said: 'Our crews were professional and adapted to the circumstances they were faced with. We wish the man involved a speedy recovery.'

It is believed the firefighters who took part in the unusual rescue mission have been offered counselling.



I thought you meant wedding ring stuck on his knob :blink::|

Manchestughhh
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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted

It could happen to anyone.

Klingon to your trousers! William Shatner left red-faced after pants fall down at LAX

Ever had that terrifying dream where you look down and your standing in your underwear?

For Star Trek legend William Shatner nightmare turned reality when a pair of loose-fitting trousers fell down during a security check at Los Angeles International Airport.

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skinnydipper

skinnydipper

Posted
Posted (edited)

Irate Leicester customer's striptease threat over cost of pot of tea at Costa Coffee

trusted-contributor-png8.png

Saturday, June 23, 2012Leicester_Mercury_Small.jpg

Leicester MercuryFollow

A customer who considered the cost of a pot of tea "grossly indecent" wrote to a cafe branch manager threatening to return and perform a striptease.

Michael Ward (60), of Westleigh Road, Glen Parva, pleaded guilty at Leicester Magistrates' Court to sending a letter "which conveyed a message which was indecent or grossly offensive to cause distress or anxiety".

The letters were sent to the manager of Costa Coffee, in the Clock Tower area of the city centre, on December 17.

He committed the offence while on an 18-month conditional discharge imposed by the court in September last year.

He was released on unconditional bail to be sentenced on July 16 after a probation report is prepared.

Louise Cox, prosecuting, said Ward's hand-delivered letter was opened by a member of staff who drew the manager's attention to it when he returned to work on December 20.

"The letter was pinned up in a staff area away from the public and contained a threat to carry out a vulgar and lewd act."

Ward wrote that he considered the price of a pot of tea – £1.70 – at the cafe to be grossly indecent and, to draw people's attention to this he would bring a CD of The Stripper and remove his clothing to the music.

Ms Cox said he was an attention-seeker, who told the cafe manager: "You can call me indecent as long as you say you are indecent to charge the price you do."

The manager, concerned Ward would carry out his intention, contacted the police.

Interviewed, Ward said as far as he was concerned he had written the letter as a protest against the high prices and thought whoever read it might consider it funny.

"He admitted writing that he wanted to play the CD and take off his clothing."

She said Ward accepted that the letter could be interpreted as an intention to carry out the action and that some of the people who read it could find it threatening.

James Adcock, representing Ward, said he suffered from obsessive compulsion disorder and was taking medication for it.

"His perception was that he was making a relevant complaint to the cafe but does not seem to have a cut-off point and cannot accept he had any intention to cause distress to anyone when he wrote the letter."

Anyone else think prosecuting seems a bit OT Tea ? :ph34r:

Unfortunately named prosecutor too

Edited by skinnydipper
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Rincewind

Rincewind

Posted
Posted (edited)

Bit OTT reaction by the shop. Why did they believe he would do it? Would have thought he would just have got a warning off the police.

It seems the Coffee House want the publicity.

I rarely go inthe place because of the prices. At coffee Republic where I go Tuesday mornings a coffee is £2.10. I have not done a striptease yet in protest.

All these Coffee Houses rip you off with the price. The prices are displayed so you can come out if its too much.

I'm sure the police would have advised CR to accept a warning but it would be up to them if they wanted to take it further.

Edited by Nightguard
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Jaspa

Jaspa

Posted
Posted

http://dailybleach.com/kentucky-man-sues-mother-for-not-aborting-him/

Kentucky Man Sues Mother For Not Aborting Him

by Bryan Blake - on May 15th 2012 - 2 Comments

abortionman.jpg

46 year old, Craylon Marcus sues mother

over not aborting him.

Alva, KY – 46 year old Kentucky man, Craylon Marcus, has served his mother with a outrageous lawsuit claiming her selfishness to not abort him while he was a fetus has caused him years of emotional and mental abuse. Mr. Marcus’ lawyer, Brian Miller, claims post non-abortion sickness is a serious mental illness and shouldn’t be taken lightly. “Over 75 people a year in the US are diagnosed with PNAS and it is time for their rights as unwanted fetus’ to be heard. People claim it is the mother’s right to have an abortion or not, but no one is there fighting for the little one growing inside of her. No one ever asks for his opinion. It is my goal to ease my client’s suffering by punishing his mother for her lack of responsibility.” Miller stated in a news conference earlier today.

Miller plans to also filing a class action suit against Americans who do not practice anti-pregnancy sex.

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Captain...

Captain...

Posted
Posted

I'll just post the link to be on the safe side.

http://thebarkingatheist.wordpress.com/2012/07/01/proof-people-are-stupid-salt-and-ice-challenge/

Theres a story and a pic if someone else wants to post it.

Not going to lie I didn't know salt and ice could scar, and I certainly don't think you should teach children that it does

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Rincewind

Rincewind

Posted
Posted

I never knew either but if I found out that it did I would avoid doing it. Lin the same way if I see somebody flattened by a truck whilst standing in the middle of the M1 I would be convinced that it would not be wise to do the same.

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