Amusing News Stories

[Guest]

was it male or female snowman?

female I guess. Snowballs

[Zingari]

man fights off 4 muggers without even dropping his fish and chips

A pub landlord trained in martial arts has said he fought off four attackers without dropping his fish and chips.

John Wood, 37, said he was stabbed with a screwdriver while walking back to his car from Frank's fish and chip shop in Wisbech, Cambridgeshire.

http://www.bbc.co.uk...ngland-21410565

Edited 12 February 2013 by Zingari

[notnow john]

Lucky not to get battered ( sorry)

[Zingari]

Lucky not to get battered ( sorry)

it was only by the grace of cod that the knife wound wasn't more serious ( sorry too)

[Reynard Bleu]

These thugs were just in the wrong plaice at the wrong.

I'll get me coat.

[Zingari]

Their knees will hake for a few days .

TAXI !!!

[Jon the Hat]

The whole story sounds a bit fishy to me.

[Zingari]

Should've kicked them in the pollocks

[Webbo]

The landlord sounds like he had a chip on his shoulder.

[Danizen]

Childish giggle of the day: https://www.facebook.com/mustafa.cok.56?fref=ts

[Jon the Hat]

The landlord sounds like he had a chip on his shoulder.

he was unlucky, just in the wrong plaice at the wrong time.

[Carl the Llama]

Sounds like he really kicked some bass.

[Webbo]

He saw the muggers face and decided to fillet in.

[Uncle Phil]

I bet he'll be carping on about this for ages.

[Carl the Llama]

Chances are the muggers were a bunch of pikes.

[notnow john]

They'll regret now they've had a chance to mullet over.

[casablancas]

They really need to 'jack' in these behaviours.

[Zingari]

I hope you feckers realise that I'll get the blame for all this punnage

[Webbo]

I hope you feckers realise that I'll get the blame for all this punnage

Stop being so koi

[MooseBreath]

Well he really knocked them off their perch. Next time they'll know not to enc-roach on a man while he's headed to the carpark

[Webbo]

THE TOP TEN PLACE NAMES TO MAKE YOU TITTER

Bald Knob, Arkansas, US

Phuket, Thailand

Shyte Brook, Shropshire, UK

Spanker Knob, Australia

Bumbang, Australia,

Fanny's Cross, Devon, UK

Wet Beaver Creek, Arizona, US

Seymen, Turkey

Crotch Lake, Ontario, Canada

Sandy Balls Estate, Hampshire, UK

Read more: http://www.dailymail...l#ixzz2KoDuQmci

Actual Map http://maps.geotastic.org/rude/

Edited 13 February 2013 by Webbo

[Simo86]

[Webbo]

http://news.uk.msn.com/blog/trending-blogpost.aspx?post=6437649d-a19b-42de-a3d5-43be640809f8&_nwpt=1

Rock 'n' roll legend Chubby Checker has filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against two computer companies over a penis-measuring phone app. 'The Chubby Checker' is a phone app for Hewlett-Packard's Palm platform (MAKE YOUR OWN JOKES) and claims it can predict what a man's packing below the belt based on his shoe size. The human Checker's lawyer says the app is damaging Checker's legacy. "The lawsuit is about preserving the integrity of a man who has spent years working hard at his musical craft," Willie Gary said. "And has earned the position of one of the greatest musical entertainers of all time." The exact number isn't known, but the suit reportedly seeks $500 million. Because size matters.

[The Doctor]

Not so much news but we've not got a thread for "science": http://english.pravda.ru/health/26-03-2005/7950-whipping-0/

Russian scientists from the city of Novosibirsk, Siberia, made a sensational report at the international conference devoted to new methods of treatment and rehabilitation in narcology. The report was called “Methods of painful impact to treat addictive behavior.â€

Siberian scientists believe that addiction to alcohol and narcotics, as well as depression, suicidal thoughts and psychosomatic diseases occur when an individual loses his or her interest in life. The absence of the will to live is caused with decreasing production of endorphins - the substance, which is known as the hormone of happiness. If a depressed individual receives a physical punishment, whipping that is, it will stir up endorphin receptors, activate the “production of happiness†and eventually remove depressive feelings.

Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure.

[MooseBreath]

I wish we did have a thread for science, then I'd never have to read it and so would avoid you banging on about science in every other thread. It's seriously not natural for a student to be so enthusiastic about his subject. Shouldn't you be out getting pissed and stealing road signs or something?

Edited 19 February 2013 by MooseBreath