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Amusing News Stories

By James., in General Chat

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Rincewind

Rincewind

Posted
Posted
Don’t blame Me for your mess, Dave: Jesus denies all involvement in Cameron’s Big Society
rsz_money-changers.jpg?w=500

A younger, bearded David Cameron standing up to the bankers. Or it’s Jesus being tremendous, we forget which.

In a speech that had many wondering if it was somehow still April 1st David Cameron claimed that he is doing the Lord’s work. Something which Jesus strenuously denies.

In his speech Cameron said: “Jesus invented the Big Society 2,000 years ago. I just want to see more of it.â€

“Now that’s just balls,†Jesus told us. “I did no such thing. My philosophy has always been very much on the lines of: For I was hungry. And you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me. At no point did I ever say persecute the poor and the disabled and make sure your banking and business chums can avoid paying tax. Never happened.â€

“Yes, I did perform the miracle of the loaves and fishes,†Jesus said. “But that was a one-off. It wasn’t My intention that people are forced to live off hand outs. It was a picnic not a signal that it’s okay to have food banks.â€

Although he is not impressed by David Cameron’s words Jesus said that he would still be pleased to have the Prime Minister as a friend.

“Oh yes, absolutely,†Jesus enthused. “My message to David Cameron is the one I have for everyone. If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.â€

“No hurry, Dave. I’ll be waiting.â€

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Merging Cultures

Merging Cultures

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Don’t blame Me for your mess, Dave: Jesus denies all involvement in Cameron’s Big Society

rsz_money-changers.jpg?w=500

A younger, bearded David Cameron standing up to the bankers. Or it’s Jesus being tremendous, we forget which.

In a speech that had many wondering if it was somehow still April 1st David Cameron claimed that he is doing the Lord’s work. Something which Jesus strenuously denies.

In his speech Cameron said: “Jesus invented the Big Society 2,000 years ago. I just want to see more of it.â€

“Now that’s just balls,†Jesus told us. “I did no such thing. My philosophy has always been very much on the lines of: For I was hungry. And you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me. At no point did I ever say persecute the poor and the disabled and make sure your banking and business chums can avoid paying tax. Never happened.â€

“Yes, I did perform the miracle of the loaves and fishes,†Jesus said. “But that was a one-off. It wasn’t My intention that people are forced to live off hand outs. It was a picnic not a signal that it’s okay to have food banks.â€

Although he is not impressed by David Cameron’s words Jesus said that he would still be pleased to have the Prime Minister as a friend.

“Oh yes, absolutely,†Jesus enthused. “My message to David Cameron is the one I have for everyone. If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.â€

“No hurry, Dave. I’ll be waiting.â€

Religion is just a bunch of BS though isn't it?!!

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MPH

MPH

Posted
Posted

A Brazilian football manager is in hot water after allegedly calling a lineswoman ‘a hot chick’ as she ran the line in front of him.

Celso Teixeira, manager of third division club Juventus-SC, is said to have called lino Maira Americano Labes a ‘hot chick’ in Portuguese during a match this week.

The official heard the remark but decided to ignore it and carry on with the match, before making a complaint after the full-time whistle.

The Brazilian football federation is now looking into what happened, but coach Teixeria has tried to defend himself, claiming he has been set up.

‘From the moment she walked onto the pitch in that uniform, there were insults coming down from the stands the whole time,’ he said.

‘I’m sure someone called her a ‘hot chick’, but it wasn’t me. This is a joke.’

Teixeria is facing a hefty ban if he is found guilty of the offence.

manager.png?w=650&h=458&crop=1#038;h=701

 

 

 

 

 

http://metro.co.uk/2014/04/19/brazilian-football-manager-in-hot-water-after-calling-lineswoman-a-hot-chick-4703448/

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Guest

Guest

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http://www.thedrum.com/news/2014/04/29/brewdog-apologises-portman-group-not-giving-shit-over-marketing-rules-breach

BrewDog apologises to Portman Group for ‘not giving a shit’ over marketing rules breach

BrewDog has issued a ‘formal apology’ to The Portman Group after the independent complaints panel found that the craft brewer had encouraged anti-social behaviour and binge drinking with its Dead Pony Club ale advertising – in breach of the alcohol marketing code.

Expressing ‘indifference and nonchalance’ at the ruling BrewDog went on to attack double standards in the industry which protect ‘gigantic faceless brands’ and stymie ‘creativity and competition’.

In a combative statement James Watt, co-founder of BrewDog, said: “On behalf of BrewDog PLC and its 14,691 individual shareholders, I would like to issue a formal apology to the Portman Group for not giving a shit about today’s ruling. Indeed, we are sorry for never giving a shit about anything the Portman Group has to say, and treating all of its statements with callous indifference and nonchalance.â€

“Unfortunately, the Portman Group is a gloomy gaggle of killjoy jobsworths, funded by navel-gazing international drinks giants. Their raison d’être is to provide a diversion for the true evils of this industry, perpetrated by the gigantic faceless brands that pay their wages. Blinkered by this soulless mission, they treat beer drinkers like brain dead zombies and vilify creativity and competition. Therefore, we have never given a second thought to any of the grubby newspeak they disseminate periodically.â€

“While the Portman Group lives out its days deliberating whether a joke on a bottle of beer is responsible or irresponsible use of humour, at BrewDog we will just get on with brewing awesome beer and treating our customers like adults. I’m sure that makes Henry Ashworth cry a salty tear into his shatterproof tankard of Directors as he tries to enforce his futile and toothless little marketing code, but we couldn’t give a shit about that, either.â€

“We sincerely hope that the sarcasm of this message fits the Portman Group criteria of responsible use of humour.â€

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Alexikokopops

Alexikokopops

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lol I wish all companies behaved like that.

 

They're a pretty cool company. Last Friday they opened their first shop (called Bottledog) where as well as 250 bottled beers you can also fill up takeaway flasks (called "growlers") from one of four pumps they have in store :D 

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Unabomber

Unabomber

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They're a pretty cool company. Last Friday they opened their first shop (called Bottledog) where as well as 250 bottled beers you can also fill up takeaway flasks (called "growlers") from one of four pumps they have in store :D

Where is this?

 

Brewdog pubs are great, as they stock all manner of European/American ales alongside their own beers (which i'm not too keen on).

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Guest MattP

Guest MattP

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They're a pretty cool company. Last Friday they opened their first shop (called Bottledog) where as well as 250 bottled beers you can also fill up takeaway flasks (called "growlers") from one of four pumps they have in store :D

 

How can you write that without mentioning a location?!

 

I've not been teased that like since Jessica Ennis decided to train in Loughborough.

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Alexikokopops

Alexikokopops

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Posted

Where is this?

 

Brewdog pubs are great, as they stock all manner of European/American ales alongside their own beers (which i'm not too keen on).

 

 

How can you write that without mentioning a location?!

 

I've not been teased that like since Jessica Ennis decided to train in Loughborough.

 

lol 

 

Here you go. About 15 minutes walk from Kings Cross and St Pancras, get on down!

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MPH

MPH

Posted
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MANNING, Ore. — Police in Oregon cited a 19-year-old who apparently held his breath while driving through a tunnel, fainted and crashed, causing a three-vehicle accident that injured four people.

The crash happened in a tunnel on U.S. 26 on Sunday afternoon.

Daniel J. Calhon, 19 of Snohomish, Wash., was driving a 1990 Toyota Camry when he told police he decided to hold his breath while entering a tunnel, Oregon State Police toldOregon Live.

Calhon fainted, causing his vehicle to cross the center line and collide with a 2013 Ford Explorer. Both vehicles smashed into interior tunnel walls and struck a third vehicle.

Calhon and his passenger, Bradley Mayring, 19 of Edmonds, Wash., were taken by ambulance to a local hospital. They are expected to make a full recovery.

No other serious injuries were reported.

Calhon was cited for reckless driving, recklessly endangering three other people and assault.

 

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