What grinds my gears...

[AKCJ]

People that talk at the top of their lungs and will not shut up while on public transport.

Edited 1 April 2016 by AKCJ

[Buce]

Accidentally cutting up my brand new bank card instead of the one that's just expired.

Accidentally cut up the new one.... I like it - I'll try that one on Mrs. B. Edited 1 April 2016 by Buce

[Great Boos Up]

Accidentally cutting up my brand new bank card instead of the one that's just expired.

Oh dear! Did you just cut it half or as my wife does...cut it in half, then through the numbers, then each piece in half again. Then fumble through the pieces to cut so two letters of her name don't show together and sort the remains into 3 piles and dispose of each pile in a separate bin (preferably in three different counties).

[Jattdogg]

Oh dear! Did you just cut it half or as my wife does...cut it in half, then through the numbers, then each piece in half again. Then fumble through the pieces to cut so two letters of her name don't show together and sort the remains into 3 piles and dispose of each pile in a separate bin (preferably in three different counties).

pretty much describes the steps i take when dealing with an expired card.

[Strokes]

Has anyone ever managed to keep a pair of white calvins pure white? Within days they're going light brown even if it's just farts

Perhaps you should stop wearing them for days on end syston

[ozleicester]

Banks, Mortgage brokers, anyone who's job it is to facilitate the sale and purchase of a house.

 

I know im old now and this will sound like a "in my day"... but this is about the 6th house ive bought or sold and in my day, you sorted it all out, the banks arraged the finance and the settlement took place at the specified time on the specified date and you as the buyer/seller did not worry.

 

This time round ive had to continually ride the broker, the selling bank, the buying bank, the governemnt and any other fvcker who seems to think this is an opportunity to just fvck around with my life.

 

Cvnts!

[AoWW]

It's probably for the best

 

 

 

Accidentally cut up the new one.... I like it - I'll try that one on Mrs. B.

 

It won't work, I've already forewarned her

 

Oh dear! Did you just cut it half or as my wife does...cut it in half, then through the numbers, then each piece in half again. Then fumble through the pieces to cut so two letters of her name don't show together and sort the remains into 3 piles and dispose of each pile in a separate bin (preferably in three different counties).

 

Erm, yes, that's exactly what I did. Are we married?  

[Mike Oxlong]

Oh dear! Did you just cut it half or as my wife does...cut it in half, then through the numbers, then each piece in half again. Then fumble through the pieces to cut so two letters of her name don't show together and sort the remains into 3 piles and dispose of each pile in a separate bin (preferably in three different counties).

Cut mine up into about 6 pieces and flush away with different poos

If they can piece it together after that they've earnt their money

[Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo]

That completely pointless new McDonalds advert campaign where a woman says "the next advert is either me surfing or driving a tuktuk. Tweet which one you'd rather see."

WHO GIVES A SHIT

[Carl the Llama]

That completely pointless new McDonalds advert campaign where a woman says "the next advert is either me surfing or driving a tuktuk. Tweet which one you'd rather see."

WHO GIVES A SHIT

Ikr she isn't even all that hot with her weird voice.

[Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo]

Ikr she isn't even all that hot with her weird voice.

Not really, if she said "tweet if you'd rather see my buttocks or nipples" I'd understand, but fvcking headphones or earphones??

[Carl the Llama]

Not really, if she said "tweet if you'd rather see my buttocks or nipples" I'd understand, but fvcking headphones or earphones??

Not gonna argue with that tbf.

[Nalis]

People who slightly laugh whilst saying something, especially in ads:

 

Barclays Anti Fraud Ad: ' (laugh) At least thats true'

 

Sky Academy Ad: 'In ways, (laugh) I never knew existed'

[bovril]

Watching illegal streams of Leicester matches are the only way I'm reminded how annoying British adverts are. That Maltesers one... fvcking hell.

[Carl the Llama]

That TSB plus account cartoon advert with the shitty mum who cba to push her kids on the merry-go-round because she needs to wait for a cartoon of ethnic origin to come along and prove how diverse-minded TSB's PR team are while the winner of the 'woman's voice you most want to strangle' competition talks about whatever the fuch 'plusness' is in the background.

[Carl the Llama]

Oh and don't forget to do a super close up of the sweet little blonde aryan girl because we've done enough diversity in this cartoon.

[Sharpe's Fox]

I like those little TSB ads I reckon they're sweet anything over price comparison site adverts

[ScouseFox]

That completely pointless new McDonalds advert campaign where a woman says "the next advert is either me surfing or driving a tuktuk. Tweet which one you'd rather see."

WHO GIVES A SHIT

at least it's better than the other one twatting on about how healthy maccy dees is. ALL THE KIDS LOVE CARROT STICKS. swear to fu cking god if i was a kid and my ma got me a maccies and I opened it an found carrots an fruit id call childline.

[Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo]

at least it's better than the other one twatting on about how healthy maccy dees is. ALL THE KIDS LOVE CARROT STICKS. swear to fu cking god if i was a kid and my ma got me a maccies and I opened it an found carrots an fruit id call childline.

 

They should just be honest and say

 

"It's 3am and you'll admit you're a greasy pathetic pig, come and eat some hamburgers that won't make you shit yourself on the way home. PS it's Monopoly month so you might win a bag of grapes that you won't eat but will tempt you back in to have some more hamburgers that you will eat, to potentially win a hamburger, but more likely grapes"

[ScouseFox]

haha exactly. always baffled me that they advertise as if people aren't aware it's shit. "very tasty very healthy all british no fat no oil food of champions"

mate let's be honest nobody believes this shit, we just go maccies when we're bevvied or hungover and need at least 20 chicken nugs, not as part of my f ucking five a day.

[Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo]

[wigstonboues]

Leg jigglers...... sat next to two complete tap dancing muppets today. It's usually season ticket holder's next to me but these two buffoons came in their place. I asked politely first time. Second time I asked if there was springs under their trainers. Third time the one directly next to me suffered sore ribs. But it still continued. Half time comes. I make my way out to the concourse and on my way accidently did what a 23 stone ex rugby player knows best. Stamped on both their feet. They didn't return for the second half. I get that people was excited but jesus there's no need for leg jiggling on rowed seats where the whole row shakes. I had started to feel sea sick after 20 minutes. On a Sunday lunch time after a skinfull on the Saturday night. I do not have time for leg jigglers

[z-layrex]

Just Facebook and social media generally. Everyone is a self centred narcissist who thinks they're the center of the universe. No point doing anything unless everyone ****ing knows about it!

[SystonFox]

Just Facebook and social media generally. Everyone is a self centred narcissist who thinks they're the center of the universe. No point doing anything unless everyone ****ing knows about it!

I've noticed a recent trend of people going for country walks with selfie sticks and their most expensive hunters wellies. If you didn't Instagram it it didn't happen.

Worlds gone

[AKCJ]

Shannon Briggs' catchphrase.