What grinds my gears...

[Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo]

struggling to see the fish pun here

 

 

When the washroom architecture and plaicement of the toilet paper roll is forcing you to become a contortionist by sheer design.

[kingcarr21]

Fishy Fanny

[ozleicester]

when i google newsnowlcfc and it comes back...

 

Showing results for news now lfc
Search instead for newsnowlcfc

[Trav Le Bleu]

When, on TV, they subtitle foreign people who are speaking English with an accent, but they don't subtitle people from Newcastle.

Edited 13 July 2016 by Trav Le Bleu

[ScouseFox]

when someone dead fit has a new snapchat story or insta pic an it's just their breakfast or their dog or something. like anyone cares. we all follow you cos you are sexy not cos you like granary bread. give the people what they want.

[Steven]

Court cases like the one below. Just great.

 

 

Worthington was arrested and questioned on suspicion of sexual assault at the time of Poppi’s death, but was never charged with any offence. He denies any wrongdoing in relation to his daughter.

Cumbria police referred itself to the Independent Police Complaints Commission in 2014, but the watchdog’s report has not yet been published. Jackson concluded that the police force had carried out “no real investigation” into the death of the toddler for nine months, and highlighted a list of basic errors in evidence-gathering, including not securing the scene, failing to take vital items for forensic analysis and a senior detective not visiting the family home.

After the announcement of the CPS’s decision, the chief constable of Cumbria police, Jerry Graham, issued an apology to Poppi’s family. “I would like to make a full and heartfelt apology to Poppi’s family and all those who loved her,” he said. “Deficiencies in the initial police investigation contributed to the fact that, almost four years after her death, the cause still remains unascertained”.

 

 

Poppi Worthington's father will not face charges over her death

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/jul/14/poppi-worthingtons-father-will-not-face-charges-over-her-death

[Thracian]

Four putts from six feet! Unless you saw it you'd not believe it possible! 

[Beliall]

on one hole?

[RonnieTodger]

Every single one of those Facebook weirdos that film themselves doing "funny" videos. Like that Irish one with the shit hair and beard. 

[Raw Dykes]

The misuse of "literally".

 

I know I'm not the first person to complain about this, but it never gets less annoying for me.

 

In case you're not aware, "literally" means you actually mean what you're saying, and you are not speaking figuratively.

 

If you say you were, "literally over the moon," you are telling me you actually went out of the Earth's atmosphere, and went round the back of the moon. I didn't learn anything about how happy you were.

 

If you say, "I literally shat myself," you are saying that you actually, physically passed fecal matter into your underwear through your anus. You're not letting me know how scared you were.

 

You're using "literally" instead of "figuratively" or "metaphorically", i.e. "not literally."

[SystonFox]

1 hour ago, Raw Dykes said:

The misuse of "literally".

 

I know I'm not the first person to complain about this, but it never gets less annoying for me.

 

In case you're not aware, "literally" means you actually mean what you're saying, and you are not speaking figuratively.

 

If you say you were, "literally over the moon," you are telling me you actually went out of the Earth's atmosphere, and went round the back of the moon. I didn't learn anything about how happy you were.

 

If you say, "I literally shat myself," you are saying that you actually, physically passed fecal matter into your underwear through your anus. You're not letting me know how scared you were.

 

You're using "literally" instead of "figuratively" or "metaphorically", i.e. "not literally."

Literally this

[Strokes]

1 hour ago, Raw Dykes said:

The misuse of "literally".

 

I know I'm not the first person to complain about this, but it never gets less annoying for me.

 

In case you're not aware, "literally" means you actually mean what you're saying, and you are not speaking figuratively.

 

If you say you were, "literally over the moon," you are telling me you actually went out of the Earth's atmosphere, and went round the back of the moon. I didn't learn anything about how happy you were.

 

If you say, "I literally shat myself," you are saying that you actually, physically passed fecal matter into your underwear through your anus. You're not letting me know how scared you were.

 

You're using "literally" instead of "figuratively" or "metaphorically", i.e. "not literally."

You can literally suck my balls.

[SystonFox]

But what do you actually mean there Strokes? Do you want to place your balls in his mouth and let him hum on them or is it just some bizarre figure of speech?

[Thracian]

On 7/15/2016 at 07:58, Beliall said:

on one hole?

Yes, one after the other. Thought i was in for a birdie three and ended up with a two over-par six. I've had worse though. Scored a birdie two once and lost by two shots despite my opponent hitting out of bounds.

 

Winter greens. Both of us hit into rough 25 yards right of the green. I chipped up to a foot and subsequently putted out for my three, less one shot on handicap for a net eagle two. Happy days or so I thought. 

 

It looked even better when my 24-handicap opponent shanked his second shot well out of bounds into adjacent woodland but the ball rebounded off a tree trunk and hurtled back towards the green.

 

There it got caught in the hole marker flag which after curling and uncurling around the flagshaft finally dropped the ball two inches from the cup. A tap-in putt gave my opponent a two, net zero and I knew it wasn't going to be my day..

 

       

[ScouseFox]

the fact it is boiling so im gonna have to rock shorts n t shirt to work but it is one billion percent going to start this thunderstorm about 0.4 seconds after i lock the front door

[z-layrex]

Leicester Royal Infirmary. I can only speak for the ward my relative is on, but for all my years of nursing I have never seen a place with such incompetence and a lack of caring about what they do.

 

London hospitals make this place seem like the 70s.

[Matt]

Flying rodents aka Pigeons.

 

Parked under a tree the other day came back, looking like my car had been in some kind of bukkake film.

 

Paid for it to be washed today, literally 3 hours later a dirty fucking pigeon has shit all over the fucking bonnet again.

[StanSP]

2 minutes ago, Matt said:

Flying rodents aka Pigeons.

 

Parked under a tree the other day came back, looking like my car had been in some kind of bukkake film.

 

Paid for it to be washed today, literally 3 hours later a dirty fucking pigeon has shit all over the fucking bonnet again.

 

never park under a tree!!!

[Matt]

1 minute ago, StanSP said:

 

never park under a tree!!!

Yeah I knew it was a mistake when I did it the other day but someone at work was parking in my usual space.

 

I normally do avoid parking under a tree where I can, after having it washed today I hadn't parked under a tree, but it's like a magnet to a pigeon that needs a shit isn't it.

 

Dirty fecking' things.

 

Is it legal to shoot them? My get a BB Gun and test my shooting accuracy out (obviously no where near my car, else I'll have bigger problems than pigeon shit on my car!).

Edited 22 July 2016 by Matt

[StanSP]

9 minutes ago, Matt said:

Yeah I knew it was a mistake when I did it the other day but someone at work was parking in my usual space.

 

I normally do avoid parking under a tree where I can, after having it washed today I hadn't parked under a tree, but it's like a magnet to a pigeon that needs a shit isn't it.

 

Dirty fecking' things.

 

Is it legal to shoot them? My get a BB Gun and test my shooting accuracy out (obviously no where near my car, else I'll have bigger problems than pigeon shit on my car!).

 

don't know mate if it's ill-eagle or not

[Saxondale]

2 hours ago, StanSP said:

 

don't know mate if it's ill-eagle or not

No need to crow about it. Use a bow and sparrow. Don't just wing it, you'll make a tit of yourself.

 

 

 

 

[MC Prussian]

Pokémon Go players. Silly flock of human robots, conditioned by a smartphone game to look for imaginary creatures on construction sites, in classrooms or in the middle of the motorway.

 

I remember the day and age of Tamagotchi and I have a terrible sense of déjà-vu.

Edited 22 July 2016 by MC Prussian

[Nick]

On 18 July 2016 at 18:01, Raw Dykes said:

The misuse of "literally".

 

I know I'm not the first person to complain about this, but it never gets less annoying for me.

 

In case you're not aware, "literally" means you actually mean what you're saying, and you are not speaking figuratively.

 

If you say you were, "literally over the moon," you are telling me you actually went out of the Earth's atmosphere, and went round the back of the moon. I didn't learn anything about how happy you were.

 

If you say, "I literally shat myself," you are saying that you actually, physically passed fecal matter into your underwear through your anus. You're not letting me know how scared you were.

 

You're using "literally" instead of "figuratively" or "metaphorically", i.e. "not literally."

 

This post literally bored the arse off me.

[Len Finsbury]

The Royal Bank of Scotland for mortgages.

 

Use them at your peril!

[Hollism]

9 hours ago, Matt said:

Flying rodents aka Pigeons.

 

Parked under a tree the other day came back, looking like my car had been in some kind of bukkake film.

 

Paid for it to be washed today, literally 3 hours later a dirty fucking pigeon has shit all over the fucking bonnet again.

I ran over a pidgeon on Hospital Lane the other day. Feathers everywhere.

 

Plus it made me late for work because it was so much fun I turned around and ran other the bastard five more times.

Edited 23 July 2016 by Hollism