What grinds my gears...

[tom27111]

I never have a dull day at work though.

 

I dropped a box on a Pugs head, had a real Inbetweeners moment where I pulled out in front of a hearse (totally accidentally), see ladies sunbathing topless in hot weather and my favourite ever moment was driving past a bunch of around 20 kids, aged about 10, who started chanting, in unison "AMAZON, AMAZON, AMAZON". I was waving out of the window and felt like the fvcking man 

[tom27111]

6 minutes ago, Parafox said:

I assume you are familiar with housing estates such as Beaumont Leys where the access to so many flats is by foot into unfamiliar and dingy places and the order of the house numbers make no logical sense. For people like you, me and posties it's a nightmare.

Totally. And what is it about a certain era council house/flat where the front door isn't actually on the street and it's a 3 minute walk to get there?

 

Madness.

 

And yeah, the National Lift Tower.

 

Only about 5 minute drive from me. Not in a bad area actually. Right next to Franklin's Gardens, the rugby ground. I believe Terry Wogan referenced it a lot on Radio 2 as the Northampton Lighthouse.

 

It's a brutal structure. 

Edited 16 October 2022 by tom27111

[Parafox]

1 minute ago, tom27111 said:

Totally. And what is it about a certain era council house/flat where the front door isn't actually on the street and it's a 3 minute walk to get there?

 

Madness.

Totally. And then we have to wheel an obese diabetic (not exclusively) on a stretcher or carrying chair all that way. No wonder my lumbar muscles and lower spine are ****ed.

[Parafox]

Diverging now, listening to R5 606 with Savage and Sutton. Dire radio. Worse than TalkSport. Worse than any football moan-in.  Even worse than RL post-match.

[tom27111]

1 minute ago, Parafox said:

Diverging now, listening to R5 606 with Savage and Sutton. Dire radio. Worse than TalkSport. Worse than any football moan-in.  Even worse than RL post-match.

I don't know how Sutton gets a gig. I really don't.

 

There are probably 500 ex-players I'd rather hear from.

[tom27111]

17 minutes ago, Parafox said:

Totally. And then we have to wheel an obese diabetic (not exclusively) on a stretcher or carrying chair all that way. No wonder my lumbar muscles and lower spine are ****ed.

Good job Kwarsi Kwarteng got sacked, if he read this thread, there's a good chance he'd relocate paramedics to Amazon vans 

[Milo]

2 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Good job Kwarsi Kwarteng got sacked, if he read this thread, there's a good chance he'd relocate paramedics to Amazon vans 

It’s actually an interesting point. 
 

You drive the vans back empty, don’t you? 

[tom27111]

1 minute ago, Milo said:

It’s actually an interesting point. 
 

You drive the vans back empty, don’t you? 

We do...

 

We used to take them home, but insurance policies changed and we drop them off at a yard every night.

 

You plotting to take over the country?

 

I'm all for a blue light on my van 

[Milo]

29 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

We do...

 

We used to take them home, but insurance policies changed and we drop them off at a yard every night.

 

You plotting to take over the country?

 

I'm all for a blue light on my van 

It’s certainly an idea (utilising the army of Amazon empty vans, not me taking over the country)

 

Maybe use them as temporary homeless shelters, miscreant holding pens or morgues. 
 

I’m sure we can think of something 

[tom27111]

Just now, Milo said:

It’s certainly an idea (utilising the army of Amazon empty vans, not me taking over the country)

 

Maybe use them as temporary homeless shelters, miscreant holding pens or morgues. 
 

I’m sure we can think of something 

Would be a superb idea to utilise them for the 12 hours that they're idle every night.

 

I mean, we park about 60 of them up every night. Maybe a mobile soup kitchen in that location and a few hours shelter?

 

I can't see it happening, out of the fear of abuse, but I certainly like your thinking.

 

I've told you myself that I'd like my own franchise, would jump at the chance of doing something positive 

 

Not sure on your other ideas though 

[Izzy]

6 minutes ago, Milo said:

It’s certainly an idea (utilising the army of Amazon empty vans, not me taking over the country)

 

Maybe use them as temporary homeless shelters, miscreant holding pens or morgues. 
 

I’m sure we can think of something 

 

1 minute ago, tom27111 said:

Would be a superb idea to utilise them for the 12 hours that they're idle every night.

 

I mean, we park about 60 of them up every night. Maybe a mobile soup kitchen in that location and a few hours shelter?

 

I can't see it happening, out of the fear of abuse, but I certainly like your thinking.

 

I've told you myself that I'd like my own franchise, would jump at the chance of doing something positive 

 

Not sure on your other ideas though 

Rent-a dogging van 

 

[tom27111]

1 minute ago, tom27111 said:

Would be a superb idea to utilise them for the 12 hours that they're idle every night.

 

I mean, we park about 60 of them up every night. Maybe a mobile soup kitchen in that location and a few hours shelter?

 

I can't see it happening, out of the fear of abuse, but I certainly like your thinking.

 

I've told you myself that I'd like my own franchise, would jump at the chance of doing something positive 

 

Not sure on your other ideas though 

 

6 minutes ago, Milo said:

It’s certainly an idea (utilising the army of Amazon empty vans, not me taking over the country)

 

Maybe use them as temporary homeless shelters, miscreant holding pens or morgues. 
 

I’m sure we can think of something 

 

I think we could write our own sitcom on this 

[tom27111]

Just now, Izzy said:

 

Rent-a dogging van 

 

We going back to that Facebook Marketplace thread? 

[grobyfox1990]

25 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Would be a superb idea to utilise them for the 12 hours that they're idle every night.

 

I mean, we park about 60 of them up every night. Maybe a mobile soup kitchen in that location and a few hours shelter?

 

I can't see it happening, out of the fear of abuse, but I certainly like your thinking.

 

I've told you myself that I'd like my own franchise, would jump at the chance of doing something positive 

 

Not sure on your other ideas though 

Mate you have some serious insight, on route planning and location/timing of idle vehicles. I’m trying to get a removal sorted with any legit company but no fu3ker will help me as it’s only a part load, if only Amazon had some incremental income to be made…Honestly this type of insight is how people become billionaires. I will look out for your posts on here, to steal your ideas to implement!!

[tom27111]

Just now, grobyfox1990 said:

Mate you have some serious insight, on route planning and location/timing of idle vehicles. I’m trying to get a removal sorted with any legit company but no fu3ker will help me as it’s only a part load, if only Amazon had some incremental income to be made…Honestly this type of insight is how people become billionaires. I will look out for your posts on here, to steal your ideas to implement!!

@Milo was being sarcastic, the morgue bit gave it away!

 

It won't be long before Amazon are doing 24 hour deliveries and you have a secure parcel box on the front of your house.

 

Love I say, we used to bring vans home, almost like a company vehicle, but without the tax. I'd have helped you move!

 

I've shifted loads of crap between families houses!

[Milo]

3 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

@Milo was being sarcastic, the morgue bit gave it away!

Deadly serious 

[tom27111]

1 minute ago, Milo said:

Deadly serious 

The morgue bit would be unworkable, we could drop them off at the depot in the morning, but the vehicles aren't refrigerated. 

 

Would still probably smell better than when I had to take a shit in the van during lockdown 

[grobyfox1990]

15 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

@Milo was being sarcastic, the morgue bit gave it away!

 

It won't be long before Amazon are doing 24 hour deliveries and you have a secure parcel box on the front of your house.

 

Love I say, we used to bring vans home, almost like a company vehicle, but without the tax. I'd have helped you move!

 

I've shifted loads of crap between families houses!

Haha yeh but the idea stands, you’ve got millions (?!) of vans in the world sitting idle overnight, if they can be monetised you’ve made it. Likewise millions (?!) of deliveries made every day, if you come up with a good route planning system..$$$…

Haha I’m in a bit of a hole as my company are paying for the removal, hence I need a legit firm, like Amazon!! if I could expense a man and van service I wouldn’t have a problem.

On the 24/7 delivery, I’m shocked that you deliver up to 200 parcels A DAY. Do you think drones will take over in the near future? Are there other cheaper/quicker delivery methods talked about? 

[tom27111]

1 minute ago, grobyfox1990 said:

Haha yeh but the idea stands, you’ve got millions (?!) of vans in the world sitting idle overnight, if they can be monetised you’ve made it. Likewise millions (?!) of deliveries made every day, if you come up with a good route planning system..$$$…

Haha I’m in a bit of a hole as my company are paying for the removal, hence I need a legit firm, like Amazon!! if I could expense a man and van service I wouldn’t have a problem.

On the 24/7 delivery, I’m shocked that you deliver up to 200 parcels A DAY. Do you think drones will take over in the near future? Are there other cheaper/quicker delivery methods talked about? 

You could be on to something.

 

I wish I did 200 parcels a day...I do over 300. Drops is the key figure, but that is skewed as well.

 

I could have 1 drop which is 6 houses. 2 parcels each. Depends on the geo location. 3 houses next to each other and the 3 houses opposite!

 

But they don't calculate the time it takes to do all that. To Amazon, it's 1 drop.

 

We have a thing where we get marked down for fvcking up, called concessions. 

 

Amazon want 0. That's it. No arguing.

 

A concession is where a customer complains and it costs Amazon money as compensation. 

 

If ALL of our drivers get 0 concessions in a week, we get a £20 bonus a day. 

 

Impossible. Even with everyone being perfect.

 

Say I work 5 days a week. 150 drops a day. And 1 drop is 1 house, which it isn't, as I just explained. If I get 1 concession a week, it's something like 0.133% but it stops us getting a bonus 

 

I sound like a real miserable bastard, I am a bit, but Amazon is a company everyone knows, but doesn't know the workings of.

 

It could be even better. I could get Jeff back as the richest man in the world above Elon!

 

And I'm just an ex car salesman. Imagine what people from Oxford and Harvard could do if they listened.

[tom27111]

Sorry I've hijacked the thread, by the way 

 

[tom27111]

People talking about Amazon.

 

Nobody gives a fvck 

[Thefox81]

Just now, tom27111 said:

Sorry I've hijacked the thread, by the way 

 

Finding it amusing tbh 

[tom27111]

Still think I could write an incredible sitcom about it.

 

Thats even before I get started on the car trade! Now that would be genius. Would be so much better than Swiss Toni.

[grobyfox1990]

32 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

You could be on to something.

 

I wish I did 200 parcels a day...I do over 300. Drops is the key figure, but that is skewed as well.

 

I could have 1 drop which is 6 houses. 2 parcels each. Depends on the geo location. 3 houses next to each other and the 3 houses opposite!

 

But they don't calculate the time it takes to do all that. To Amazon, it's 1 drop.

 

We have a thing where we get marked down for fvcking up, called concessions. 

 

Amazon want 0. That's it. No arguing.

 

A concession is where a customer complains and it costs Amazon money as compensation. 

 

If ALL of our drivers get 0 concessions in a week, we get a £20 bonus a day. 

 

Impossible. Even with everyone being perfect.

 

Say I work 5 days a week. 150 drops a day. And 1 drop is 1 house, which it isn't, as I just explained. If I get 1 concession a week, it's something like 0.133% but it stops us getting a bonus 

 

I sound like a real miserable bastard, I am a bit, but Amazon is a company everyone knows, but doesn't know the workings of.

 

It could be even better. I could get Jeff back as the richest man in the world above Elon!

 

And I'm just an ex car salesman. Imagine what people from Oxford and Harvard could do if they listened.

That is INSANE!!! How do people order so much!!! I’m shocked!!!

 

You're going to hate me but on the very rare occasion I do order something from Amazon I pretty much always complain to [email protected] if there’s a slight deficiency…

 

People from Harvard and Oxford are no cleverer than you or I. Successful people in the world get up and give it a go and keep going, that’s it. Anyway nice talking to you, will look out for your username! 

[tom27111]

Nothing wrong with complaining if you haven't received the service you asked for. 

 

But some of ours are as stupid as a customer putting notes on their account saying "I NEED this today, please take to neighbours if I'm not home"

 

You try all neighbours, slowing me down, nobody home. Then you try the actual customers back gate, it's open. So you leave the parcel safe. You even put it in a plastic bag, just in case it rains and gets wet.

 

They still moan 

 

Ah well, fvck it. It is what it is.

 

I actually don't mind my job. Its harder now it gets dark earlier.

 

But no stress. I'm used to "YOU NEED TO SELL 8 NEW CARS THIS MONTH AND 15 USED CARS, OTHERWISE YOU'RE OUT"

 

OK mate, nobody has got any money and I can sell that many new, but the manufacturer ain't going to deliver them for 9 months...

 

We had the credit crunch, what, about 20 years ago now? Then a boom.

 

The economy will bounce back, who knows when? But I'll look at being back in the car trade then. 

 

And hopefully have my own fleet of Amazon vans.