General Smuts Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 Fez Vs A Fox In Essex Fez Let's talk about Essex, baby. Let's talk about Leigh-on-Sea. Let's talk about the few good things and many bad things that may be, You shop at Netto, you wear white stilettos, Southend United will never sign Samuel Eto'o, You drive a Ford Escort, you're fat like John Prescott, your forehead looks weird like Joleon Lescott, Your county's full of chavs, nicking peoples sat-navs, I'm recording MP3s, you're still making WAVs, but not a Mexican wave, I heard you always need a shave, I bet your name is Wayne or possibly Dave, I admit, that's a bit, hypocrit, ical of me, but if I'd chosen my own name, it'd make it suit the rap game, like Mack cos I return, like Fire cos I burn, cos Trump cos I earn, like Nigel Winterburn, or maybe Little Nicky, cos I'm devilish and tricky, but I never pull a sickie, are you from Billericay? Or is it Colchester? Your mum, I impressed her, she loves Uncle Fez-ter, I took her up the Leicester, and then the Arsenal, right up the Emirates, you can't pull in Essex even though they're all sluts, They stick their fringe to their face, the scum of the human race, you can't keep pace with this lyrical grace, I'm popular like cheese, I'm pleasant like the breeze, I'll bring you to your knees, you'll see what LD3 sees, I'm taking all your wickets, like Buddy and the Crickets, I've sold out all my tickets, I'm Pele, you're Michael Ricketts, With my new style of rap, I put Northampton on the map, you wear a Burberry cap, but your sister's worth a tap, yeah she's in for it you see, it's her that I'll undress, metaphorically, just in case she is a mess, if she looks like you, then there's nothing I will do, short of find someone new, these rhymes destroyed your whole crew. A Fox In Essex Well I’m up against a guy with a PSG fetish, I guess this is a draw that I should relish, So would you give me a moment please to embellish, the reasons why I’m gonna make his life so hellish I’m like Steve Wright in an Ipswich back street, I strangle competition to the hip hop beat, Then I deal with the evidence oh so discrete, whereas Fez has the killer instinct of David Pleat I’m comparing myself to a serial killer, coz I’m not afraid to go there - with me there’s no filler, It’s like the Rumble in the Jungle or the Thriller in Manilla, but Fez just runs away like a scared chinchilla I hear he likes those Barca boys from Catalonia, well guess what – now I’m gonna pwn ya, You think you’re rap battle king but I’m gonna de-throne ya, coz my lyrics are more lethal than a pint of ammonia I've got more rhetoric than a politician, as you can see I'm a man on a mission, It's gonna be reality not just an apparition, that FT's Essex Boy will be in number one position I guess by now he must be cacking his pants, this once mighty hero who comes from Northants, He’s surrendering to me so he’d be better off in France, I’ve won the rapping yellow jersey like Armstrong comma Lance I’m gonna reach the final it’s a certainty, I’m gonna lift the Cup like I’m at Wem-ber-ley, But Fez won’t be able to ‘Abide with Me’, coz my rhymes were just too intimidatory It’s time for my conclusion so to summise, I’m spittin’ the truth while Fez be spittin’ lies You can tell because they’re too close together (his eyes), So I will be the one who takes home the prize Katy Vs NSLL Katy His name is Ashley Jupp, I have him on facebook, at his face I cannot look, bet he couldn't give a fook. So young he cannot cook, with beans on toast he'd come unstuck rap at my expense m'duck, I'll fell ya with a right hook! Foxestalks Nussul, he loves the Real Hustle, has hair like Brand, Russell, a lad without much muscle. With Libertine had a tussle, 'n' gay thoughts 'bout Kevin Russell, too emo to do bussle, he's so green just like a brussel. Got rejected by Amy, he'd be better off with Jamie, His posts are rather samey, I won't let up til you pay me. You have to hear my plea, do you not agree, to a certain degree, that his breath doth smell of brie? He's Emotional or Emo, but not racist like our Teeno, and as crap as San Marino, got ID'd at the casino. He's scared of Tarantino, makes him cry like a bambino, will marry a Philippino, cuz he's not hot like jalapeno. NSLL Katy’s next up then, and this one’s tough I should probably somehow link Fez to her m*** Hang on. Fcuk it. I ain’t got the guts. She’ll take it to heart, then go crying to Smuts. I can probably guess what she’s put about me And I’m sure in the most part I’d have to agree. ‘Built like a ribbon – how much does he weigh?’ ‘He posts like an emo – he’s probably gay’. How should I respond to her harmful words? SERIOUSLY KATY, CARD MAKINGS FOR NERDS Take that beeatch, i gleefully shout And with this I realise I’m probably out. Cause a Fez/Katy final would be really sweet It’s only me hoping that I’m going to beat: Katy of Lincoln, born early June When she sees Fez, sends her over the moon. GOOD LUCK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JakeShingler Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 Fez and NssL. Katys was really good but Nssl pulled it out the bag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lildave3 Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 To be fair, they're all quality. I voted for Fez, despite him using another song as inspiration to start off with again , and Katy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JakeShingler Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 I can see everyone just voting Fez and Katy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox You Forest Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 Fez and Jupp. All brilliant again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samilktray Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 Fez and Katy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 Bloody hell Nussul, you really have to get over this Fez obsession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cobbo Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 fu cking irritating isn't it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syston_fox Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 Credit to all four of you - they're quality! Tough to choose this time around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asha Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 Bloody hell Nussul, you really have to get over this Fez obsession. Ran out of things to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fosse Boy Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 To the person who wasn't me who has voted for me, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 26 February 2009 Author Share Posted 26 February 2009 To the person who wasn't me who has voted for me, thanks. No worries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fosse Boy Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 No worries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 When does this close Smutteh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 26 February 2009 Author Share Posted 26 February 2009 When does this close Smutteh? Satdee night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finnegan Posted 26 February 2009 Share Posted 26 February 2009 When does this close Smutteh? Satdee night. So like the opposite of your mom? OH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fosse Boy Posted 27 February 2009 Share Posted 27 February 2009 :w00t: Up to nine votes! :w00t: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 27 February 2009 Author Share Posted 27 February 2009 Katy on the comeback trail. This is gonna be close! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asha Posted 28 February 2009 Share Posted 28 February 2009 Wow, there's been a bit of a turnaround since I last looked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox You Forest Posted 28 February 2009 Share Posted 28 February 2009 Fix! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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