Funny things your wife says

[Webbo]

Not the missus but the mother in law. I always take my car to Hastik's garage for repairs, when I mentioned this to my mother in law she said that she'd been to school with him.

I said to her" Hastik's an odd surname, where does that come from?"

She said " I think it's Canadian".

[broughtonblue]

going away with the mrs and my 17 year old lad and his mate soon. i said as we had a guest in the caravan there would be no chance of any 'adult fun' this holiday. she said we could take the cool box, fill it with beer and leave the kids to play football on the beach while we 'bonded'. she was pissed off with my reply! i mean, where would you rather be?

Edited 13 July 2011 by broughtonblue

[millzi]

going away with the mrs and my 17 year old lad and his mate soon. i said as we had a guest in the caravan there would be no chance of any 'adult fun' this holiday. she said we could take the cool box, fill it with beer and leave the kids to play football on the beach while we 'bonded'. she was pissed off with my reply! i mean, where would you rather be?

Great choice!

[Guest ttfn]

Watching Wimbledon...

ttfn: Look, there's Brian Moore

Mrs ttfn: Who's that?

ttfn: He used to be an England rugby player. Now a journalist. Apparently he wrote an interesting autobiography.

Mrs ttfn: What was it about?

[millzi]

Watching Wimbledon...

ttfn: Look, there's Brian Moore

Mrs ttfn: Who's that?

ttfn: He used to be an England rugby player. Now a journalist. Apparently he wrote an interesting autobiography.

Mrs ttfn: What was it about?

That one got me going

[FoxyPV]

Watching Wimbledon...

ttfn: Look, there's Brian Moore

Mrs ttfn: Who's that?

ttfn: He used to be an England rugby player. Now a journalist. Apparently he wrote an interesting autobiography.

Mrs ttfn: What was it about?

:laugh:

[foxfan4eva]

I could fill this thread with my wife's comments. A while back we were at junction 21 of the M1 coming from Leicester and the left lane has M1S painted on the tarmac. My wife asked " where does the M15 go to "?

Another time she went to London with her mates on a hen do and they visited Covent Garden. As they were walking through, my wife shouts in excitement "look at the penguins" All of her friends looked round excitedly for Penguins and my wife realised her mistake and came out with "oops, I mean Pigeons"

[DJ Barry Hammond]

I could fill this thread with my wife's comments. A while back we were at junction 21 of the M1 coming from Leicester and the left lane has M1S painted on the tarmac. My wife asked " where does the M15 go to "?

Another time she went to London with her mates on a hen do and they visited Covent Garden. As they were walking through, my wife shouts in excitement "look at the penguins" All of her friends looked round excitedly for Penguins and my wife realised her mistake and came out with "oops, I mean Pigeons"

Would I be correct to assume your wife is reasonably good looking, because I can't imagine you married her for her intelligence

[foxfan4eva]

Wife is actually pretty intelligent, just comes out with these blonde moments ;-) Another time we were on our way to Newquay on holiday and while stuck in traffic in Devon alot of cars were turning off into a layby which had a sign saying

"100yds Cafe". She came out with

"Loyd's Cafe is going to be very busy"

[skinnydipper]

From an e-mail sent to me;

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.

I can't explain his behaviour I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:

Wonder if we'll get Maynard?

Edited 17 July 2011 by skinnydipper

[I am Rod Hull]

[jonno24]

Me and the missus were watching Jonny English a while back and my wife commented that she didnt like Rowan Atkinson i said why ?

She replied he once called that footballer a Lazy N****R

[General Smuts]

Is it in yet?

[jonno24]

Is it in yet?

My missus doesnt even bother with that anymore. Atleast i knew she was awake when she used to say it

[General Smuts]

My missus doesnt even bother with that anymore. Atleast i knew she was awake when she used to say it

You've got to take your opportunities in my house - she yawns for too long and i've popped the old fella in before she knows whats going on.

[davieG]

You've got to take your opportunities in my house - she yawns for too long and i've popped the old fella in before she knows whats going on.

I bet that stopped her yawning.

[General Smuts]

I bet that stopped her yawning.

She says she's tired yet she never yawns anymore. I just can't win,

[danlcfc4ever]

Me and the missus were watching Jonny English a while back and my wife commented that she didnt like Rowan Atkinson i said why ?

She replied he once called that footballer a Lazy N****R

Brilliant!!

[broughtonblue]

Driving down the road yesterday in that strong wind, mrs Broughtonblue said 'look at that bird struggling to fly' it was a kestrel hovering over it's dinner!

[lurchio]

Easy Fella's

New to the forum

Thought i'd offer this one up from my better half.

Whilst sat in the hope and anchor having a beer and watching the golf at the weekend i stupidly started talking golf with her

I said i hoped Clarke would win. Her response was " i dont want that irish twat clarke to win, i fecking hate the irish. I want that Michael Roy to win, i like him"

I was like who the **** is Michael Roy, she was like that fuzzy haired bloke from england that won the last one.

Needless to say she doesn't like Mcilroy now

[FoxyPV]

[The Year Of The Fox]

Oh dear!

Nice pub the hope and anchor. Sometimes visit it on a friday after work.

My mum didnt know the difference between a karma sutra and a kamikaze

[Narborough_fox]

Easy Fella's

New to the forum

Thought i'd offer this one up from my better half.

Whilst sat in the hope and anchor having a beer and watching the golf at the weekend i stupidly started talking golf with her

I said i hoped Clarke would win. Her response was " i dont want that irish twat clarke to win, i fecking hate the irish. I want that Michael Roy to win, i like him"

I was like who the **** is Michael Roy, she was like that fuzzy haired bloke from england that won the last one.

Needless to say she doesn't like Mcilroy now

[MikeyT]

Oh dear!

Nice pub the hope and anchor. Sometimes visit it on a friday after work.

My mum didnt know the difference between a karma sutra and a kamikaze

Did you explain?

[AjcW]

So ive just moved into a new house in Notts.

Girlfriend comes up to visit for the first time, little bit scared, its quite a big dark old place etc.

"Have you locked all the doors"

"Yes!!"

"Are you sure"

"Yes!!"

The next statement was said with 100 percent seriousness....

"Have you set the alarm??"

"...... *Fits of laughter, almost crying"

"Whats funny???"

I'll be honest guys it took a while to explain that you cant really set and alarm when your in the fecking house as you would set it off but when the penny finally dropped she was pretty embarrassed!