Funny things your wife says

[Zingari]

My Missus often calls me by a different name during sex . She's so forgetful is that woman

[Orkneyfox]

What kind of family do you have, that uses roman numerals on a daily basis?!

I'd like to claim I was a latin lover....

[MPH]

Ok here is a new one from my wife.

Got a text from her today at work... it said " bought you a suprise... i'll tell you about it over supper!"

My mind was racing! something kinky? she paid for us to have a short break? Pre-ordered FM13 for me? the least it could be was some new clothes!!!

Proper stoked i was!

Well of course... met her at a resturant after work we sat down .. im trying not to seem impatient.....

" so... whats the surprise?" i asked TRYING to sound all casual.

" oh! " she said. " i bought you a huge bag of pork chops for you to cook for tea tomorrow night.!!"

Edited 6 October 2012 by MPH

[MPH]

Went to Ikea couple of days ago. Got to the resturant and told my wife to sit down with the baby whilst i went to get food and drinks.

" ooh! get me some of that dangle berry juice!" she said.

[Wakeyfox]

Went to Ikea couple of days ago. Got to the resturant and told my wife to sit down with the baby whilst i went to get food and drinks.

" ooh! get me some of that dangle berry juice!" she said.

Mmmmm, my favorute

[Head Honcho]

I was watching Steptoe and Son and she asked me which one is Steptoe

[notnow john]

I was watching Steptoe and Son and she asked me which one is Steptoe

Priceless

Edited 12 March 2013 by notnow john

[Mike Oxlong]

I always chuckle at my wife's sense of humour when she says "not tonight, I've got a headache"

[Guest BlueBrett]

I wish I was as chivalrous as you guys and could pretend my bird's ignorance amuses me but frankly most of the time it just gets on my tits

[Guest]

I wish I was as chivalrous as you guys and could pretend my bird's ignorance amuses me but frankly most of the time it just gets on my tits

She says the same about you.

[Finnegan]

I wish I was as chivalrous as you guys and could pretend my bird's ignorance amuses me but frankly most of the time it just gets on my tits

My ex was horrifically overly opinionated, mostly about stuff she didn't understand. Typical student "socialist" feminist who'd argue and get in everyone's face, usually always getting it wrong.

Now before Moose points out we were a match made in heaven, imagine me four years younger and about half as smart. Intolerable.

[Guest BlueBrett]

She says the same about you.

I get on her tits? Well to be fair I try to at least once per rendezvous.

My ex was horrifically overly opinionated, mostly about stuff she didn't understand. Typical student "socialist" feminist who'd argue and get in everyone's face, usually always getting it wrong.

Now before Moose points out we were a match made in heaven, imagine me four years younger and about half as smart. Intolerable.

I bet you were a formidable double act at times

[Finnegan]

I just used to sit sighing exasperated facepalming.

If she was ranting on the internet then okay, but shouting people down and being that obnoxious in person makes you no friends.

[MooseBreath]

My ex was horrifically overly opinionated, mostly about stuff she didn't understand. Typical student "socialist" feminist who'd argue and get in everyone's face, usually always getting it wrong.

Now before Moose points out we were a match made in heaven, imagine me four years younger and about half as smart. Intolerable.

Hmm, socialist, feminist, always wrong about everything, IQ of 40... So fif is a woman afterall!

[Guest]

Hmm, socialist, feminist, always wrong about everything, IQ of 40... So fif is a woman afterall!

You two would make good bedfellows.

[Jiggers the Fox]

On a road trip with a few mates and my girlfriend, when one of the lads suggests going to see the Colonel for lunch. To which my girlfriend queried, ''What, Colonel Mustard??''

[ozleicester]

Her.... "Id be perfectly happy to sit on the rim and watch you go down on a donkey"

[leicesterlad1989]

The ex said this to me YEARS ago. Her Grandparents were running a caravan and camping site in Scotland. Thats not the story btw...

The ex: Oh my nan is making a fortune selling cream out there

Me: Cream? What sort of cream?

The ex: Well it prevents those annoying midgets.

Me: What?!! Midgets? What the hell are you going on about?!

The ex: You know them bloody flying midgets...

Me: Thing you mean midges dear.

The thought of Scotland having a "flying midgets" problem makes me chuckle still to this day. God she was dumb...

[The Doctor]

Some areas do have a flying midget problem - they lost the cabers.

[Captain...]

Her.... "Id be perfectly happy to sit on the rim and watch you go down on a donkey"

You're taking your love of animals a little far there Oz,

[flowwolf]

I don't think I can take much more of your cock I'm walking like John Wayne as it is.

[ozleicester]

I don't think I can take much more of your cock I'm walking like John Wayne as it is.

No, no, youve misunderstood... this the "things your WIFE says" thread

[Bob Weasel Fox]

My Missus often calls me by a different name during sex . She's so forgetful is that woman

Ah so I'm not the only one that happens to then?

[Vlad the Fox]

When the Mrs. Was in labour with our first she had a slight effect to the gas and air. In fact she was off her head. She pinched one of the midwives cheeks (coochee coochee coo style) before turning to another midwife and saying, "ssshhh, I'm having a baby but don't tell anyone."

[glenny_fox]

When I got a new car I reset the mileage so it was at zero, gf got in and said (with the most serious face) "how does the car know it's got a new owner to reset the mileage back to zero"